Gallery of the Absurd

David Beckham is Sooo Pretty

After being voted "The World's Most Beautiful Sports Icon" by People magazine, David Beckham issued a press release enlightening the world how he stays so gorgeous.  His wife Victoria "smothers beauty creams on him at bedtime" (ewwww) and he pampers himself with manicures and facials.  After I read the release, I immediately pictured him as a giant Barbie doll head for little girls to play with.

Where Has Courtney Been Hiding?

I miss the sporadic insanities of Courtney Love and wonder what sort of trouble she'll get into next.

Mickey Rourke: Before & After

Star magazine features a weekly column called "Knifestyles of the Rich and Famous".  They'll have a dazzling before picture of the victim in their youthful glory (see above).  And then......

right next to it, a horrifying after photo complete with comments detailing all the surgery, injections and implants the victim has had.  They called Mickey "stretched and lumpy" and said that his "tight face-lift...is deteriorating..."  Yeah, he looks a bit shiny and melty, but he's a mighty fine actor.

Happy Monkeys Swinging in the Money Tree

The little Olsen Twins swing gleefully among the branches of their money tree, picking leaves whenever they feel like it, and spending it all on fancy New York apartments, baggy wardrobes and popcorn bucket-sized cups of coffee from Starbucks. What a life.

What Would We Do Without Britney?

Star Jones Wants Everything for Free

At least that's what the tabloids claim.  It was reported that Star, aka "Bridezilla" and her husband Al Reynolds paid almost nothing for her extravagantly expensive sponsored wedding.  Apparently, she promised sponsors a free plug on The View in exchange for things like $6,000 cakes and exotic honeymoons.  I would have loved to have drawn her as Bridezilla, but I thought Ursula the Sea Witch was a more appropriate metaphor.  She can use all those tentacles to grab all the free stuff she wants - even a husband!

Hollywood Skeleton Girls

Lindsay Lohan and Nicole Richie appear to have stopped eating....but that hasn't stopped them from stepping out to the clubs every night! Need a hot date for a night out in Hollywood? Just borrow a lifesize skeleton from a high school anatomy classroom and toss a blonde wig on it.