The Voluptous Horror of Jennifer Lopez

Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony star in the blood curdling new horror biopic, El Corpse. The story follows the tragic journey of a woman who wakes up one day and realizes the man she married has been hiding a dark secret. Believing she wed a sexy, hot-blooded Latin American singer, her life is shattered when she learns the creature sleeping next to her has embalming fluid pumping through his veins. Little does she know he's planning to whisk her away and imprison her in his subterranean love nest deep within the chambers of Hades. Will she escape his evil clutch? Expected to be a boffo hit at the B.O., El Corpse is sure to be a thoroughly terrifying movie experience. We even have a few exclusive stills from the movie:

In this riveting scene, El Corpse collapses into death throes as he performs during a concert in Germany. J-Lo looks on from the audience, but she thinks he's just singing passionately about her.

El Corpse uses his microphone stand to beat away a group of morticians who have jumped on stage in an attempt to drag him back to the mortuary. Again, J-Lo looks on and believes it's all part of the act. She has no idea the horrors in store for her later.

Okay, so I was joking...but J-Lo and Marc did make a movie together and you can watch the trailer here.

DON'T MISS the Vampire Blog-a-Thon over at Film Experience Blog. Gallery of the Absurd is one of several participating blogs. 14 doesn't drink....wine.

Comments

[Byagi]

This is the greatest thing ever. He does look dead, and I can't help but like him. Do I like the music? No. The movies? Not so much. He just looks dead, and it's great.

[Jessica]

This is great! He is so nasty. I dont particularly like JLo either, but even I think she should have thought a little more before marrying this one...

Walking corpse hits it right on!

[Long Island Irish]

El Corpse? LOL!!!!

[SeaNymphette]

Maybe its just me, but Marc Anthony always looks like he is in withdrawal from heroin or methamphetamine. He is always soaked with sweat and hair grease, with dark circles under his bleary eyes. He is jonesing and in DTs from something.

[matherson]

he is a good person ..thats is what matter .. and you are not funny 14..

[Renaldo the Fierce]

Jarod Kintz always appears smarter when he dresses up in his giant nipple costume. I know this because I’ll overhear people say things like, “At least he’s not a complete boob.”

[Missy]

Maybe it's just me, but Marc Anthony is looking a lot like Steve Buscemi.

[Viper Tetsu]

Christ in a Snack-Sized Wrapper Perfect for Trick or Treaters: I step away from your Blog for a couple of days, and when I check back in, you've concocted two of your most howlingly funny entries ever (this, and Mel). Why can't all aspects of life be as reassuringly consistent as you, O Sultana of Snark?

This is so hysterical, so brilliant, so sustained in its comic skewer-jabbin', that I'm damn near at a loss for words.

Please tell me Clint Howard plays the twitchy mortician who accidentally re-animates--and then gets devoured by--El Corpse. If so, then this will officially be the Greatest Film (n)ever Made.

[The Seven Deadly Sinners]

You're scaring us!!!!!!!!!!!!

[VapidVoyr]

They should seriously let you script their next picture - I would totally go see it - unlike the flops they always produce.

[Liz]

Ugh. He's just so sleazy looking, downright slimy.

Great picture. Do you have something equally as frightening in store for us tomorrow?

[Steph]

Hmm. The trailer for the Antony/Lopez movie is apparently "oproved" for all audiences -- which probably means "Run away, ohcrapdeargod the humanity."

[deanna]

please do not use the term "little man" so loosely. prince is thee "little man" of all little men, with his funky sexy self and so forth (don't hate). uhm 14, do you think it would be possible to put this greasy uhm tortured tiny man next to that greasy rich kid, brandon, in some sort of twisted infomercial demonstrating how hard/easy it is to be so greasy all the time?

[Evolna]

Lol.Blinded by love,i guess

[Jenn F.]

Yeegsh.

He's just a yucky little man. Why hasn't she helped him understand that white suits, shirts open to the navel, and gold chains around the neck just haven't made it back since Travolta wore that look paper-thin?

It's so easy to imagine Marc Anthony creeping around the house, leaving a big thick trail of mucous behind. And as for J-Lo, clearly a lobotomy has already taken place... that's the only logical explanation for that hideous beige swim-cap thing on her head that matched the rest of her swishy Roperesque outfit at that awards show a while back. Gak.

[Demon Kitty]

God, I laughed! I love the way both have their mouths are open and their pictures are next to each other! I just can't get over the agonizing look on his face in those two pics. You would think the man was trying to push a 12 pound baby out of his asshole! His mouth is so big! One time I saw a guy who had been shot and HIS FACE was not even contorted like that! Marc Anthony's mouth is open so wide you could drive a fucking truck through it - it's like a goddamn hangar! I think this is all bullshit. None of these singers have to feign excruciating constipation to show everyone they are giving it "their all". Thanks for making me laugh 14!

So Much Love,
Demon Kitty