Rachael Ray: Perky Demented Food Chipmunk

While shopping a few weeks ago I noticed Rachael Ray's perpetually perky face plastered all over the place. There she was on magazine covers, books, packages of culinary knives, and most troubling of all, a box of Ritz Crackers. That night, after my Rachael Ray overload, I went online to try and understand how/why she had become so frighteningly ubiquitous. When I came across her recipes for Hotdog Salad and Sangria on a Stick while perusing her website, my fear only intensified. Later that night, I awoke with a terrible jolt after having a nightmare about a giant evil-grinned Rachael Ray chipmunk trying to force me to taste her latest 30-minute recipe "Velveeta Cheese Pie with Triscuit Cracker Crust". YUM-O!

Whether you're a fan of Rachael Ray or not, she's become a trusted brand of numbing mass consumption and you're just going to have to get used to her happy little chipmunk face staring back at you from nearly every product under the sun. Medium: Ink with digital color.

UPDATE! Rachael Ray's new name is Racial Ray. Acording to TMZ, she drank too much wine at dinner and started spewing hateful remarks. The chipmunk is rabid.

Comments

[Kai]

14- This is crazy! I had a dream I was lost and I passed by your house and you invited me in for some tea! And you showed me your studio and all your artwork! Alright, I'm probably frightening you. I try to avoid multiple comments, I really do. But I thought I would do something different and reply to the commenters. Here goes:
Cyclops Kitten Natividad- Never heard her. Guess my ears are lucky. She's cute I guess, but her and the other women you mentioned have no appeal for me. Can only speak for myself, though.
Lindsey- Hot dog nachos. Wow. I guess if I stopped eating kosher that would be the last meal I'd eat.
Penny Woods- I feel your pain. Her meals don't sound very kosher friendly, either.
Morrigan- Try Hebrew National brand! The other brands.. I would be afraid of..
Coffeegod- Haha! Good one.
Demon Kitty and deanna- You're both hilarious. I enjoy your exhanges. (Note: Why did she have to ruin my Wheat Thins?!)
Fanny Pack- You make her sound like perky trailor trash. Hmm. Glad I haven't heard her yet.
loqacious- Ahhh, I love karma.
Passionate1- I am passionate about gently mocking people. It makes me a fulfilled man.
Stethie- Maybe she hunches for self-control. Who knows. Like the cat-puking analogy.
Dave- Why can't someone point out someone's flaws without being called jealous? By your logic, I can insult RR because I'm a man, but I can't insult the President, because I'm just "jealous" of him. Yes, I want to be just like him.
Brie987- Those in the service industry do need more respect. I do my best to give it to them.
All these comments make my glad I don't watch her shows.

שָלוֹם

[Brie987]

"Actually, for me, it's the "YUM-O!" on $40 Dollars a Day that drives me insane. And that fact that she tips like crap in order to make the $40.

Posted by: turnergirl | January 17, 2007 at 07:31 AM"

I love you Turnergirl for bringing this up, friends and I who are in the service industry get so angry when she tips so frugally to make her $40 a day, yes I too like to save money and find bargains but not at the cost of someones livelihood (sorry China and the like Countries)Perhaps she should change the format of the show and make it $50 a day to include inflation and cost of living. Or she could go to restaurants that have $1 menus, or even better for her, skip a meal, $40 for 2 meals a day, then she will have money to tip a bitch!(sorry, this is a very sore subject) Then when she is done she gives that smug self satisfying grin like she did the world a favor. Thanks again Turnergirl!

[Dave]

I find it interesting that most of the criticism towards Rachael Ray happens to be coming from women. Jealous much, ladies?

[Stethie]

She hunches sometimes, like a cat about to puke. Not every time I see her, but a lot of the time, she has her shoulders drawn up and her back hunched, like she's trying to squeeze out every ounce of saccrine cheeriness she can. It pains me.

And why does she have 47 million of the same, unflattering bodysuit shirt with a V-neck and useless buttons down one side?

It makes me sad that whoever she f*cks at the Food Network has so much power.

[Fanny Pack]

Hey, I am back. After reading these comments, especially the Passionate 1's post, I've decided that I am going to sell crap, real live stinking turds, on a stick - it is my passion. I am just CRAZY about them!! It is what I was born to do. Sell crap on a stick.

Hey, Passionate 1, get a life and stop throwing stones at our stoning throwing. Don't you get it??? Rachael Ray doesn't give a flying feces that you are defending her here. Leave us alone, please.

[Jean Gress]

For all of those of us who hated the perky cheerleaders in school-there is RR the eternal cheerleader. AAARGH!

[moonmaid]

My husband is a chef. We watch her in a kind of fascinated horror, especially when she takes a bite of something and goes "mmm-mmm-mmmm!"

She's a go-getter though, I'll give her that. At least she has some ability, unlike that awful Kathy Lee (who my husband has cooked for, and who is a total horror to all around her!). She is not hated in the industry. Not highly respected for her food abilities, but you can't deny she is a media genius.

But I lost respect for her food reviews when she recommended the bbq at this horrible joint called the Painted Pony Rodeo in Lake Luzerne, NY. That place is enshrined in our family lore as the most fly-encrusted nauseating food horror we've ever had to experience (its stilled referred to as the Bangladeshi BBQ in my family, very un-PC I know, but the food had this very 3rd world refugee camp vibe to it). That she recommended that place and the very good Salt Lick in Dripping Springs Texas in the same segment was inexplicable to me.

BTW, most chefs just roll their eyeballs when they hear EVOO.

[Chansmom]

Vienna Sausages. LOL! I can remember my mom trying to give those to me when I was little. She would find them in the oddest places too. She told me she gave up after the first couple of tries. I still giggle thinking of it.

Good job on Rachel Ray. I don't watch her show, and don't pay much attention to her, but those pictures are a very good likeness. I'll never look at her the same way. Bwahahahahaha! You rock!

[Kai]

By the way, what is vienna sausage? There's been a lot of talk about it around here...

[mltpsych]

Love it - hate her! She is all over my box of Triscuits that I buy for my 16 month old so am forced to see her big red lipsticked mouth daily. Cannot stand the voice and the market saturation. Before that I could watch a 30min meals every once in a while but now she is everywhere. Good to know others feel the same.

[deanna]

Demon Kitty,
for the love of the food network, do i have to be gender correct too? can i say stick it(with all do respect) instead of shove it? or wait, let me consult a colleague and get back with you on that. well for your personal knowledge 20 years ago i was in the backseat of some car belonging to some guy on some backroad doing what we wanton lustful breeders do best while listening to zappa's "Dirty Love" over and over and over again(college came many hot, sweaty, steamy years later)and yes kitty i was, admittedly, very friendly... in addition to the vienna sausages, please, PLEASE, do not take the word penis in vain, as i happen to be a huge fan. (lol) and by the way this here southern peach would much prefer spam spread on triscuists and a glass of bourbon(125 proof) to chase it down during a hurricane. that is not to say i didn't appreciate your offer to get me and my young by during a storm on that fancy smancy cat food you mentioned.
Here's one for you; spam and vienna sausage mixed delicously into a kinda of meatloaf, baked in a ritzcracker pie crust, drizzled in butter, topped with pork rinds and sprinkled with louisiana hot sauce for that kick..... so take that rachael ray.
and yes demon kitty, of course you would be invited over that night for dinner. mi casa is su casa.
so back to that big word you used, "sacrosanct". kitty that is a pretty big word for someone who went to southern miss ;0)... i couldn't help myself, you were too funny.. as a token gesture of kindness ms kitty, i give you permission to email foodnetwork my backwoods spam vienna sausage recipe and take full credit.
DeAnna
ps that would be ma'am to the rest of yall.

[Kai]

To: Demon Kitty
Re: Bipolar

If she is bipolar, I would kill to be as perky as her when I get manic. It could be possible she is just manic- or she's medicated on SOMETHING. (Has a drug company made a Perky Pill yet?) And about your cranky friend, yeh, being bipolar can cause that. Especially during the depressed cycle. I pity my friends who've had to put up with that.

Shalom,
Kai
(Your token Jewish commenter who is revealing WAYYY too much about himself)

Oh hang on everyone. I just bought some crackers. Is her face on them? No. I'm safe. It's the little things in life.

[jackalope]

Wow Miss L, harsh words indeed from someone best known for her nausea-inducing taxidermy art. Maybe if you stuff a chipmunk and paint some Sailor Jerry flash on it, you'll feel better.

[14]

Miss L,

I've always been a big fan of your work - thanks for the comment.

other folks,
I rarely watch TV, but I made a point to watch Rachael's $40 dollar-a-day show last night and howled with laughter while thinking of all your comments. How DOES she eat all that food in one day?

xoxo
14

[Lauren]

Thank you for this. The other day I opened my cabinet, looked at my wheat thins, saltines, etc, and yelled "Rachael Ray, get outta my life!!"

I think many of her recipes and techniques are sound. I cook well and often, and some of her explanations for how to do something (like blanching or wilting) are well-done and helpful for people without a clue.

HOWEVER.......she is the world's worst talk show host, second only to Megan Mullally in the annyoying voice department (I realize that it's debatable). I have read more than once that she literally drinks like 30 cups of coffee per day, non-stop, and I believe it. She's always twelve levels of over-amped during every segment. She's simply obnoxious and not likeable enough when not cooking to carry a whole hour-long show. I gave up on even giving her a chance when on the only episode I was able to sit through, she tells Gary Sinise that he is "creepy." You don't say that to a guest! He may be creepy, but she of all people doesn't get to call him that.

And yes, you would think we live in a North Korea-like dictatorship of the chipmunk, what with the number of things her puffy mug is on.

[Kytari]

It is so good to know that I was not the only one who felt this way about Rachel Ray. Her smile truly scares me.

[Miss L]

not a very good piece. i can't tell that is rachel ray, and its just poory made in general. you've done better.

[Demon Kitty]

Holy shit coffeegod!!! Holy shit!!!! I was a freshman at the University of Southern Mississippi 20 years ago! I wore so much fucking make up, you could scrape it of my face with a chisel!!! I lived in Hickman, Mississippi, and Pulley Hall as well!!

After reading Brie's and Stephanie's posts, I agree with both of them. She is probably bipolar and uses alcohol to curb the depression and mania when it hits at the same time. I have a friend who is bipolar and when she is not on her meds she gets really mean. Not that I want to insult anyone who is bipolar.

[Debra]

The best comment was by stephanie green saying the word on the street and on the set (!) is she's a raging alcoholic - could it possibly be true?? It would explain her being so damn happy all the time !

[John]

That is so funny. Made my day. Only thing that you are missing are the gaps in her teeth! LOL

[Bee]

LOL you white people sure eat a lot of Ritz and Wheat Thins

[turnergirl]

Actually, for me, it's the "YUM-O!" on $40 Dollars a Day that drives me insane. And that fact that she tips like crap in order to make the $40.

[coffeegod]

No freakin' way?? Demon Kitty and I went to the same university! I graduated from those esteemed halls about 20 years ago as well. I loved Southern! Long live Hardy Street! Long live Hickman and Pulley!

[Passionate1]

Why the heck is this so important to you all? Get a life!!!! She's happy doing what she loves! I hear some major jealously here. Oprah and Rachael are doing their thing. Find your passion and do it!!

[loquacious]

Oh, that's good. The crazed eyes, the froth and foam, the head-splitting maniacal grin. I can just hear her frothing and foaming about EVOOOOO and explaining it for the three hundred and thirty-three thousandth time because oh yes she's so clever to acronymize extra virgin olive oil.

In a just world she'd die - on television - drowing in a freak accident involving a flood of olive oil. Not virgin, or extra virgin, just plain old dirty unfiltered olive oil. The really stinky, icky green stuff.

[Demon Kitty]

Dear Deana,

I am a lesbian. If you want to tell me "to shove it", just please be nice and make sure Vienna sausages and the shooting range are not implicated ... BUT ....

20 years ago Deanna, I ate Vienna sausages on crackers while listening to the Georgia Satellites' "Keep your Hands to Yourself" in my dorm room at the University of Southern Mississippi. I enjoyed watching my typical Southern Belle roommate cringe with disgust at my redneck ritual. She opened the windows to get the smell out and something crystallized when I looked out the window and saw people coming out of the dorm. I took my remaining Vienna sausages and started throwing them at people who were on the sidewalk and experienced a delicious and deep sense of satisfaction as they ran away in disgust. I am sorry that folks in Florida rely on Vienna sausage during the hurricanes. But then like my grandfather said about Vienna sausage, "it will make a turd!" In New Orleans, we always stock up on lots of alcohol to help us get by during hurricanes. I mean, if you are going to die, you may as well be drunk!

Oh I don't know where the fuck this is going Deanna! How the hell was I supposed to know that Vienna Sausage is sacrosanct in Florida???!!! Really!!!!Jesus Penis!!!!Motherfuck!!!!! If you ever want to try a new recipe for hurricane season when the shit hits the fan, then I will send you 50 cans of Fancy Feast. I am positive it tastes just as good as Vienna sausage and my cat Juju prefers Sheba instead!!!

[Brie987]

I agree with Demon Kitty, I liked her until she [over]saturated the market. I have noticed her over perky disposition and I do know that persons who are extreme (extreme perky in her case) is just one side of a coin, usually being Bipolar. My point is I wonder what she is like when NOT in "perky" mode. Anyone know ? Also must she laugh so often, she laughs constantly as if trying to convince me that she and I are really having a great time, I mean I don't even know the woman must she be so familiar? I will admit I really love her stove/oven, its really nice.

[Fanny Pack]

This illustration is pure and utter brilliance. I can just hear this critter doling out advice on how to make a meal on cigarette butts, cheese wiz and flat beer. Yum. Come and get it!

The first time I saw Rachael Ray on her $40 a day show I wanted to barf. That voice. Oh, that voice. She sounds like a scotch swilling, two-pack a day barfly, and I bet she smells like she smokes in a closet. And stale Ritz crackers.

Caveat: I've never met her and should not throw stones and be a nice person, right? However, if a network and a corporation are forking over millions of dollars to a spokesperson I think I am allowed to have an opinion. I am sure her mother and her parole officer adore her.

[stephanie green]

Word on the media street (and from on-set) is that she's a raging alcoholic. Apparently, in person you can spot the broken capillaries on her nose from yards away. I wonder how Oprah would feel about THAT?

[Elizebeth]

This is too funny since my husband walked down the cracker aisle during the Holidays and said "Who is this and why is she on every box?"

I cannot stand Rachel Ray, her voice, her fake personality and her horrible disgusting food she makes on one of her 20 shows. I thought I was the only one but Im comforted to know I'm not alone.

I dont understand how she got a job with that voice and why everyone thinks that we want to see her 24/7 on every network.

Now the food network is doing a clip show of one of her traveling shows so now she has essentially another new show that can annoy people.

Thanks 14.

[Midwesterner in NYC]

I agree with Theresa, its all about the voice!!!!

[ccc]

Wow, what can I say that hasn't already been said?
Yes, She really is that annoying. The chipmunk comparison is spot on...and I love your usage of digital color too.
Oprah needs to be lampooned. 14, WE SPEAK YOUR NAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Kai]

I don't know why, but this frightens me more than the David Gest image. Especially the frothing at the mouth one. You should have a mouth competition between Julia Roberts, Cameron Diaz, and Racheal Ray. I'm sure there's others you could include- perhaps Jessica Simpson- to showcase weird smiles. If you won't do it, I'll do it, but I'm busy with another project now. Keep, um, frightening me!

Shalom,
Kai
(Your token Jewish commenter)

[deanna]

Look demon kitty,
folks in the panhandle get by on vienna sausages during hurricanes... so BACKOFF!!(Vienna omlette cooked on a gas grill, vienna sausages and crackers, grilled vienna sausages, vienna sausages on a stick, vienna sausage salsa, vienna sausage and spaghetti cooked on an outdoor grill, and vienna sausage in a blanket also cooked on an outdoor grill...so take that to your gun range, turn it side ways and shove it! we can get creative with those sausages now) You know there's nothing but love for the kitty kat.

I really did like rachael until the Food Network really started to super pimp her. In case you didn't know, if you think it's hard for a pimp, I'm here to tell you folks it's even harder for a hoe. (Rachael
)
I love the crazed, amazed, glazed over look. However, I really love the fact 14 dolled her up in a Paula Dean apron getup displaying a piece of one of the most processed food items with the highest amount of fat content that could jack a diet freak up, but none-the-less industrially prepared with love.

I thought the squirrel was appropriate because when she smiles you wonder what she's got stuck up in those perky pink cheeks besides a paycheck and the stuff working girls normally keep in a bra or a purse....you know like Hankies and stuff.
DeAnna

[Demon Kitty]

I can't help it, I am back. I am still shocked ny the "Hot Dog Salad." Who could conceive of something so vile? Rachael Ray is the Paris Hilton/Britney Spears of the food network. I am staring at her chipmunk face on a box of wheat thins now. It makes me want to take an M16 and unload it. The next time I visit my brother in Alabama, I might take this picture of her and stick it to the target that we use at the shooting range there. I wonder if she has created some sort of dish with Vienna Sausage?

So Much Love,
Demon Kitty

[salmonella]

Is she the new Katie Couric?

[dracsbabe]

This had me laughing so hard I was crying. Thanks for doing this I thought I was the only one who thought she was evil. :)

[Coffeegod]

If I hear 'EVOO...that's extra virgin olive oil' one more time I might just climb to the top of a tall building and shoot until I run out of ammo. If you are going to use a stupid abbreviation then DON'T explain it every time you use it!

Sorry, I ranted. I really can't stand this hyper-perky idiot.

[PschoChef]

Women in middle America are much better looking than that coked-out hag. She's a product of the northeast BTW.

[Melanie]

I love Rachael Ray - not like obsessively or anything, but I think she's cute and fun. Though, yeah, I can only take the perky in small doses. I wish I was that happy all the time, though! The squirrel idea works for me, but I don't quite see her in the first picture, more in the second bubbly one...

[Morrigan]

Hot dog nachos?! Sangria on a stick?!

Such an abomination must be destroyed. Never really heard anything about her until I found her picture on a box of crackers I picked up to go with some cheese I bought. I thought she looked possessed.

Anyone who comes up with recipes involving hot dogs should be stuck in the stocks and forced to eat hot dogs for a week. (Sorry, I have a bizzare thing about hot dogs - They're disgusting to me)

[theidlereceptionist]

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!!

OMG priceless maniacal chipmunk smile....

[Penny Woods]

This photo made my night. You don't know how nauseous I felt when I flipped through one of her cookbooks...and most of what she cooks I wouldn't be able to eat because I'm a vegetarian.

[Tucker]

She reminds me of The Joker from Batman and Robin. She has got to go!!!!!!!!!!

[monica corona]

sangria on a stick- NO WAY!

[rerun]

Sorry, this is a total miss for me. If I didn't see her name, I couldn't have called her out. Having said that, her 30 minute meal shows usually take me 2 hours to make. She makes me feel shame

[andrea]

Yeah, DO OPRAH. And, thanks, that rabid chipmunk R.R. was makin me bug OUT,and I didn't even fully realize it til I saw this!! she is so annoying in her down-home, good-girl, not-too-sexual-or-threatening, just middle-America way, she really IRRITATES me...and that LOUD-MOUTH way she has of talking, so as to seem....what? friendly? I don't know, I just get the MAJOR HEAVIE-JEEBIES WHENEVER I SEE HER ON TV! Which proves, again, that you, are a genius. You pick up on exactly the fame virus off-shoot side effects like her lame ass. If she was on a box of crackers I wanted, I'd consider getting the store brand... Love you!

[Demon Kitty]

Oh my Gawd 14, you nailed it!!!!!!!!!!! She looks EXACTLY like that. Her shit eating, cheerleader, sorority girl, psychotic, perky ass grin! I bought a box of wheat thins and she was on there. I even made her spinach dip recipe. I also wondered who the hell she was and what was she doing all over the place? She has got to be one of the most annoying people. Hot Dog salad? Dear God! What will she think of next, Spam stew! There is an "i Hate Rachael Ray" blog where they compare her mouth to the joker's.

Demon Kitty

[SlumNobility]

Oh Thank you! Her 'smile' has gone beyond perky to what I can only describe as maniacal. If you've ever heard her talk on her show (the food network one) you get the impression she's like a wind-up toy with about as much of a penetrating intellect. NOW PLEASE, PLEASE DO OPRAH!!