According to a report in the UK Sun, some Scientology leaders believe Tom Cruise is the "Christ of Scientology". Flabbergasted after reading such a claim, we decided to send a group of undercover agents to investigate the dark recesses of the Los Angeles Church of Scientology in order to seek clues. Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence and we obtained it! Our wily agents gained entrance into the fortress by feigning interest in being "audited" and were quickly able to escape unnoticed into the darkness of the church basement. Prying open the safe, our agents were shocked to discover Leopold Da Vinnie's famous painting, "The Scientologist's Last Supper". It clearly shows Tom Cruise as Christ, but leaves several other questions unanswered. For instance, who is the mysterious woman seated to His left and why is she smiling like that? Could she be his...gasp...wife? Is that a Jenny Craig-approved cupcake Kirstie Alley is grabbing? John Travolta is wearing loafers and he's floating - what does this mean? How did Will Smith get mixed up with this bunch? So many questions, so few answers. Medium: Acrylic on board, unfinished. Thanks Holly for the brainstorm.
While snooping through the safe, our investigators also obtained this photo of what appears to be an image of Christ burned into a piece of toast. It's a miracle!
Based on our dangerous, yet thorough investigation, we conclude that Tom Cruise is indeed the Scientology Christ. Just take a look at these t-shirts we found in the basement.