Paris Hilton vs. Gallery of the Absurd?

By now you might have heard I received a letter from Paris Hilton's attorney asking me to remove the parody of The Simple Life Goes to Camp from my blog. At first, I thought the letter was from a prankster. I laughed and then ignored it. I wrote to Michael K over at Dlisted to tell him about it and he said he received the same letter and that it was legit. I became extremely perplexed...how could my idiotic parody do any more harm to Paris Hilton's reputation than she's already done to herself? I asked her attorney this question and it pretty much boiled down to the fact that I added freshwater crabs to the side of the boat. Apparently, the presence of semi-terrestrial crustaceans imply that Paris has a "loathsome disease". I removed the little buggers as instructed.

As I've stated before, the illustrations on this site are born from the social commentary generated by celebrity gossip. The truth is, I'm not inspired by Paris Hilton herself, I'm inspired by you. Your blogs, your message boards, your comments, and your tabloids are what spark my ideas and amusement. The opinions we have about Paris Hilton are much more entertaining than Paris Hilton herself. There are countless references to Paris Hilton's alleged crabs to be found all over the internet and I had chosen to add that particular element to the parody. I don't have the the huge amount of cash needed to fight Paris Hilton over this, so it's much more affordable just to make the crabs disappear. I won't stop painting Paris Hilton though. Nope, as long as people talk about her, I'll continue.

With that said, thank you very much for your support and encouragement. Crab photo taken by Kipling West.

My talented pal gilmore from Pretty on the Outside made this for me to show his support. I was so touched and amused by his kind gesture that I had to post it. Thank you g!

People are now sending me their creative interpretations of this silly debacle.

Okay, back to business....

Comments

[Miss Priss]

14, NOTICE THIS "DANTER" PERSON INSULTING YOU. DON'T TAKE OFFENSE, I HAVE SEEN THE SAME NAME PRAISING PARISITE ON OTHER BLOG SPOTS LIKE TMZ...I'M BEGINNING TO THINK THIS IS ACTUALLY PARISITE HERPES HERSELF. SORRY PARIS, 14 ACTUALLY HAS TALENT, UNLIKE YOU. AT LEAST HE MAKES PEOPLE LAUGH IN A DIFFERENT WAY THAN YOU DO...YOU MAKE ME FEEL BETTER ABOUT MYSELF.
KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK, 14. YOU ROCK!
FUCK YOU HERPES INFESTED WHORE.

[Demon Kitty]

I forgot to add that I will never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, be able to eat any kind of shellfish again. EVER!!!!!

[Demon Kitty]

You are so fabulous 14! I couldn't get to sleep last night because I was thinking about all this and laughing. I love the way you can just stir up so much mayhem! Your parody was not idiotic, it was fucking genius!!! I want my 14 T shirt! Paris didn't win. What is worse? A picture of crabs coming out of your birth canal or hundreds of comments talking about what a stupid skank whore you are?

[Nanny McButtersons]

What!?? Conan talked about Paris vs. 14? Where can I see this?

[Knox Bronson]

Judging by the level of writing skills, I think danter [commenter above] must be Paris herself. Hi Paris!

[armina_iv]

I love your work and it always brings a smile to my face, please dont let Paris Hilton stop you (oh and I adored your botanical pics too )

[Melapie]

Paris is just jealous because you've got more talent in your little finger than she does in her whole body or over inflated ego!!

Keep up your art, I'm always so impressed with everything that you come up with. Even the garden stuff.

[danter]

FUCK YOU 14, I HATE YOU, PEOPLE LIKE YOU IS SUCKS DEAD YOU, BASTARD STUPID IDIOT GO TO THE HELL

[Knox Bronson]

Well, 14, you certainly struck a nerve. Good work!

What a bunch of sleazeballs ... that whole disgusting crowd, of which Hilton is the symbol.

[Mel]

I found it interesting that they only harped on this one piece of work. It's not as though Paris and her friendly crabs aren't a recurring theme.

[lena]

we love you even more now, 14. doesn't paris's lawyer have something better to do...like help clean up those crabs of hers?

[Mat]

The thing is... I feel like the people saying "crabs" are being nice. You can get rid of crabs, but an estimated 25% of North America has a case of herpes for life.

So yeah, if she's got an std, it's probably not a friendly one that you can get rid of with over-the-counter drugs.

[Hugh G.]

I would think her lawyer wouldn't have a leg to stand on. When something is an obvious parody, and only a drooling moron would think your work isn't, you are protected by the 1st amendment.

[Lindsey]

What i find interesting is they ask you to take away the crabs but not the reference to her having herpes. Haha!

[Miriam]

hahahahahahahaha.

[Cork E. Clayburg]

Go 14, Go!
This little legal skirmish was actually one of the topics of Conan O'Brien's monologue last night. (Hope you got to see it!)
Just keep doing the genius work that you do best, love. As HST once said, "Don't let the bastards get you down!"

[La Cubana Gringa]

I was wondering where the crabs went! Unbelievable!! I, like Tom Cruise, am behind you all the way. (However, unlike Tom Cruise, I wasn't planning on giving you an asian baby.) (Sorry.)

[Andie]

As if the big box of Valtrex isn't more indicative of her STDs than some poor fresh water crab. Good lord.

[Brittany]

The truth your claim is a legitimate defence to defamation. In other words, if Paris took you to Court over this, she would need to establish that in fact she did not have this "loathsome disease". Easier said than done, perhaps?

It's a shame in principle that you didn't fight the good fight, but if I were in your position I would have done the same thing- it's not worth the trouble.

Best of luck from a long-time fan!

[Jenn F.]

This whole thing reminds me slightly of something that happened to a friend of mine a while back... she has an amazing business called "Barbie's Basement Jewellery" and after a few years into the business, she received a letter from some lawyer at Mattel, threatening to sue her for using Barbie's name. She wrote back and told them that they certainly don't own the name Barbara, perhaps she named the business after someone other than their doll, and she could use it if she pleased. They didn't bother her after that. Apparently they trawl the internet looking for the name "Barbie" anywhere, and try to throw their weight around with anything and anyone that's not Mattel-related.

I see a strong similarity between Paris and Barbie ~ after all; frenemy Nicole Richie is somewhat comparible to Skipper (big head, small body), Barbie and Paris both have endless wardrobe choices, and both have big piles of blonde hair. Both have tried their hand at multiple careers but both are still only famous for having their clothing removed. Mind you, Barbie has tiny feet and doesn't appear to have a crusty crotch.

[Gigi]

You go 14! Paris is just jealous because you have an actual talent!

[Abs]

That sucks. Can't you just say that they're pimples instead? :\

[WTF]

Paris--if you can't stand the heat, stay out of the kitchen.

These celebs put all their business (and their twats) out for public consumption, then bitch when we talk(or draw) about it. Sorry, can't have it both ways.

[pj]

I think you should make a cut out and keep image of some painted crabs to add to any and all pictures of any celeb - a crustacean do it yourself kit if you will.

Keep up the good work though :)

- pj

[Rebecka]

Oh my god, Paris attorney has a neverending job. Keep up the good work, you know that the universal bloggosphere is on your side.

xxxxx