The Most Miraculous Product Ever Created: Photoshop Beauty Spray

Photoshop, the world's most widely used photo retouching software, has caused a massive shake-up in the cosmetic, fitness and plastic surgery industries after launching its newest product, Photoshop in a Can. Insiders claim this new form of sprayable Photoshop will eliminate the need for cosmetics, hair styling products, fitness centers and elective cosmetic surgery . Analysts predict the product will cause the beauty industry to collapse and thousands of jobs will be cut. Hair salons and gyms across the world will shut down. The City of Beverly Hills, CA has called in the National Guard to assist with the angry swarms of protesting plastic surgeons and personal fitness trainers. Photoshop in a Can promises effortless beauty and perfection with one push of a button. Madonna, Gwen Stefani, and many others are said to be hoarding cases of the stuff. Even the President of France is said to use it. Now, even the most homely individual can achieve the illusion of impossible beauty and unattainable perfection so widely pumped out by today's media. Truly a miracle in a can.

Photoshop in a Can was used for the Britney Spears Allure magazine shoot. Sources say Britney arrived at the photo shoot as a dishelved mess. Her makeup was 3 days old, her wig was fried, and it looked like she hadn't bathed in days. No problem, Photoshop in a Can transformed her into a comely young vixen with a tight body and soft flowing hair....all with just one touch of a button. Medium: graphite and ink on paper, Photoshop. Photo from Allure.com

Comments

[cherise]

this photoshop-in-a-can concept of yours & series is brilliant. luv it muchly

[Jenn F.]

AmyD, you are too kind. I don't write for a living, which is probably why it's still so fun. However I do aspire to one day reach the ranks of literary skill and wit that are Adam Smith and Viper Tetsu. Now those comments are consistently nothing short of brilliant.

[AmyD]

The only thing more hilarious and dead-on than the wonderful cartoon is what Jenn F. wrote. I hope you write for a living, girl, because that was fucking AWESOME! All around, this is seriously one of the funniest posts/comments section I have read in a while. Going in my daily rotation fer sure!

[ashl3igh]

Brilliant idea!

quite honestly, this is my favorite portrait of Twitney you've EVER done. necklessness, wide-set eyes, and droopy chin flab have never looked so good.

[Robert from SanFran]

I can't believe the observant detail you have captured in this before and after of Britney. I love it so much I have made it my wallpaper on my desktop. Keep up the good work!

[Chansmom]

She is really getting on my last nerve with her stupidity, bad dress sense, and all out craziness. She can't sing a note, but that didn't stop the teen girls from buying her cd's. I do wonder if she realizes her audience grew up and moved on? Probably not. She hasn't caught on to the fact she's over, and looking rode hard and put away wet, so I'm sure she'll come up with something to keep her 15 minutes ticking along.

Nice job on the before, 14. She's a hot mess.

[Dr. Ding]

14:

Great demonstration of how utterly absurd our collective cultural expectations have become for what young women "should" look like, given that said expectations are based on such ridiculously airbrushed media images. In this way, Cheeto becomes brie when in fact the best it can hope for in "real" life is to become a Cheez-It with a little slice of Kraft American on the side.

Rock On,
Dr. Ding

[Adam Smith]

Photoshop In A Can.

An idea ahead of it's time,but fraught with all kinds of practical problems.

If I were Venture Capitalist,or owner of a Megaconglomerate of What Nots;these are a few key questions that would occur to me.

For instance,what if you ran out of it half way through? Or if you applied it unevenly?

You could end up with a bizzare combination of incredibly horible shins,an averagely attractive face,but with the most radiant elbows ever.Even Michelangelo could't come up with better elbows.In short,you would draw all sorts of attention you would'nt want,(elbow fetishists for one).

Also,is it waterproof?

Imagine going on date,getting caught in a rainstorm,then having to explain that away.

The Rainstorm is normally a staple of romantic fiction.Photoshop in a can would put a stop to that,with your anticipated paramour recoiling in horror as the full extent of your hideousness became revealed.You would be like one of those melting Nazis at the end of "Raiders Of The Lost Ark",drowning in a sea of your own stupid tears and shitty unromantic rain.

I'm gorgeous already,with a consistent score of 8.9 on Hot or Not.com.What do I need your product for?

Going up to an 11 or 12 would not only go against the laws of nature -as meaured by the peer approved hot or not scale- but would also seriously impede my daily life.The sheer volume of sexual encounters would probably kill me.That's measured in decibels and number by the way.

If I sprayed it in my mouth,would I become beautiful on the inside?

Because I really don't want people trying to fuck my liver and kidneys.

Anyway,Galactic Owl,I mean Fourteen,try and iron out some of these difficulties and the money will come rolling in.I have a Cartel/Mafia of Russian Businessmen/Mobsters looking to invest/launder money on the West Coast of America.They say that if I can't come up with a way of recouping that 200k I owe them by next Sunday,"No amount of Photoshop In A Can,will fix me".

[Jenn F.]

*still laughing my ass off*

Gorilla, you're on to something.

[ihaveadog]

HAHAHAHAHAHH!!!!!!!! That was BRILLIANT! So classic Mad Magazine Mort Drucker! I wish I could go and buy this stuff, I have always said "I wish I could photoshop myself in life."

[Trilby]

You perfectly capture the fetal-alcohol-syndrome look around Britney's eye spacing and nose bridge area. D'ya think? I always kinda suspect that-- fer real, y'all!

[Carol]

That is hilarious! Looks just like her, too. Never realized how powerful P-shop is, to think I've just been using mine to do small retouch photos. In Hollywood, they sure need Mega strength P-shop to make that train wreck even halfway presentable.

[Gorilla At Large]

I thought nothing could be funnier than the beaver suckling at Greasy's teat but I was wrong. This is just so exaggerated and ridic that it achieves greatness.

The first thing I thought was that Britney looks like Humpty Dumpty... I wonder if 14 intentionally makes these connections or they just kind of happen, but that's exactly what she fucking is! She was on top of the wall, she fell down, and now all the king's horses and all the king's men will never put this shattered mind together again.

Brit IS Humpty. Everything about her is egg-like. Her eyes are two melting sunny side-up eggs, her breasts are soft-boiled eggs still in the shell, her belly and ass are omelettes left out in the sun, and her cooch must be like a breakfast burrito filled with scrambled eggs by now... And within this giant egg there exist more eggs to make babies with.

[Tone]

Looks like the potato girl from Like a Velvet Glove Cast in Iron by Dan Clowes

[Liz]

You know what's scary? I actually recognized Brit from your drawing and not from the Allure shot. How telling is that?

[midevil]

Fantastic.

[Jenn F.]

14, It's hard not to continue staring at your latest brilliant depiction of Britney... shit, you're getting better somehow all the time. Or is it the fact that certain celebs, the ones that amuse you the most, just seem to drive you into a creative frenzy? The pens are practically hopping on your table?

The ever-present cheetos dust around her mouth is perfect ~ I'd be so pissed off if you ever left it out. That one detail is the most fabulous signature mark of your Britney portraits. The way her upper legs look like big hams is fantastic (with those fucking hideous boots which she inexpicably cannot live without) as well as the somewhat moronic look to the widely-set eyes. Is this why her children look slightly retarded? Does that trait come from the Spears camp? I guess it must, because there you have it. God, whoever could have imagined that Freeloading Federline would somehow end up looking like the more upstanding citizen in comparison to someone who was once America's princess. But I digress.

What the hell keeps happening to all of her dogs? What happened to Bit-Bit? Did Bit-Bit bite it? Every once in a while you see her dragging around some new and differently-named chihuahua pup. Could the stories be true about her challenged offspring breaking the latest dog's leg? Oh wait. I digress again.

The look on her face, in this picture, is just incredible. And the Photoshop in a Can? Very clever. I like the little pictures on the can itself ~ the spaced out expressions are perfect.

14, you are an absolute gem.

[shelli]

14-there is a big difference between being goofy and being genius. Don't be so humble! How in the hell you are able to make her look so hideous while being so accurate is beyond me! But the greater issue here is that for those of us who allow even the tiniest suggestions of self-doubt and inferiority to enter our brain because we are pummeled w/ false images of perfection on a daily basis can now sit back and laugh and for once say "god damn! Britney's gross! I'm so much hotter than that hag!" Way to go!

[Viper Tetsu]

Starts with a G, ends with an S, and it's not goofiness.

Leave it to you to devise another running gag that can you can ride like a Kentucky Derby contender for the long haul. The neckless one has been lampooned to perfection again. Can't hardly wait to see more Photoshop in a Can...

[Worker B... itch]

I loooove your Britney pix. LMAO. Waiting for a new Star Jones. God, you did one that was classic. LOL.

[14]

You folks are too kind to me - thank you! I'm no genius, but I do possess large amounts of goofiness (which can sometimes be confused with genius because they both start with the letter g).

yep, the cup says "Star Chunks" and the mermaid logo is an alien.

as always, thanks for reading my blog. I find your comments the most entertaining aspect of GOTA.

love,
14

[Annie Mahoney]

Does her beverage cup say Star Chunks?

[DonnaJEM]

Fan-damn-tastic. That is the best pic of BS I've seen you do.
I love the slight touch of Cheeto dust around her mouth, even though there are no bags of that stuff in sight.

[biggie]

good grief, that's tight.

[Kathy]

You are a freaking genius. That is all.

[Eva]

Haha, love the cheeto stains around the mouth, no undies, and lines around the neck! :)))) Great attention to detail as usual! U kill me!! :)

[fatlittleme]

wow! how much of that spray did they have to use, to get shitney (well said demon kitty!!!)looking like that?

14 = amazing

fatlittleme

[Jujupiter]

"La trahison des images", my dear.

[Becca]

Beautiful...just beautiful (no pun intended, of course!)

I especially love the gigantic jugs one bimbo is wearing on that can's label, heh.

And the "before" Britney looks just like a funny cartoon, too!XD

[88maggie88]

God I love your art.

[sugarbear]

We need to just spray the whole planet. Than we can all be fake pretty and not need celebs anymore. :)

[just a girl]

Photoshop in a can is so apt, and has been so topical of late - i.e Ms Spears and also Courtney Love. Hilarious and spot on, as always!
x
just a girl

[kim]

I nearly peed my self laughing. And the comments (demon Kitty and Deanne) were pretty funny as well.
14, i have a massive crush on you. You are a genius (now all i have to do is get a sex change and convince you to marry me ).

[Lily]

You are insanely talented -- that is WILD!!! So on the money it isn't even funny. How DO ya go do it?! AMAZING!!!

[parissucksliterally]

I love you.
That Britney image will be burned in my mind....hilarious!

[qui]

I can't help it....i love you!

[Robinn]

ROTFLMAO!! I've always wondered about that giant neck but no one I know has ever said anything about it. Not only do you do awesomely funny portraits of famous idiots, you are extremely observant!! Thanks for making your drawings so hideously real. :o)

Robin

[Edward]

Genius!

[deanna1104]

by the way, whose face is on can?

[Eize]

Even if FDA and the all-powerful beautifying industry managed to get this product banned, I do believe Photoshop in a Can will be sold pretty quickly in the black market and can be found in the many hiding places of celebrities. Would the oily Bear brothers be able to afford a can between them after they've been disinherited?

[deanna1104]

the wide set eyes, triple fourhead, double chin, and rockin greasy weave all come together to set this piece off. i just wish that damn cris angel, world's largest chancre sore, would use some of his cheap ghetto abracadabra vodoo whachamacallit magic and make brittney spears disappear for good in some fantastic ball of cheeto dust. naturally this would be a pay-per-view event sponsored in part by the hilton hotel chains.

[Demon Kitty]

PS I just had to come back to AND say...... Her head and chest look like an engorged stumpy penis with tiny, malformed balls.

In addition, I AM SO MOTHERFUCKING GODAMN SICK AND TIRED OF SEEING HER IN THOSE FUCKING BOOTS AND THAT GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKING COWBOY HAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DIE BRITNEY!!!!! DIE!!! DIE!!! DIE!!!!DIE!!!! AND TAKE PARIS, TARA REID, HOHAN, JESSIC SIMPSON AND FUCKING MADONNA (WHO LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE VINCENT GALLO IN DRAG THESE DAYS) WITH YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It has been a rough, rough, day.

[Demon Kitty]

Motherfucking hell!!! Goddamn it!!! JESUS PENIS!!!!!!!!!!!! MOTHERFUCK!!!! You nailed it 14!!!! You fucking nailed it!!!!! The before picture looks EXACTLY like Shitney Spears!!! ARE YOU LISTENING BRITNEY, THIS IS HOW YOU LOOK!!!!!!

That Allure photo shoot was 100% bullshit!! Did they lay it on thick or what!! Shitney is not that svelte!! Her skin is not peaches and cream!!! I will never know how this bitch became so famous. She is not pretty and she is not talented.

[Pablo Vazquez]

So genius like always¡¡

[Morrigan]

That Britney pic will give me nightmares LOL...

Seriously though, it's one of your best!

[superblondgirl]

Wow. Clicking over to D-listed made me so sad -no wonder our culture is so messed up, that we think we need to edit people so much that they don't even look human anymore. Some of the "befores" are better than the "afters", I thought...

And the Britney portrait here? Looks just like the un-airbrushed ones I've seen. Freaking awesome.

[kdl]

i'd prefer an oil-free lotion, thanks.

[zenflower]

This is perfection, 14! From the squished chins to the used-up pancake boobs to the ever-present red neck, not a detail was missed of the atrocity that is Britney.

You rock.

[Knox Bronson]

Classic GOTA, baby!!! I just burst lauging out loud ... along with the rest of your devoted legions.
You are sooooo funny sometimes, Mx. 14! Thank you - i really needed the laugh - i just spent the last half-hour reading about politics.
Now I'm in a good mood again.

[karenology]

Hilarious. Pre-PSinCan Britney looks very Tenniel-esque.