Tom Cruise's Thetan Thanksgiving

As we Americans gorge ourselves on turkey (or tofurky) today, let's take a moment to reflect on the Scientologist version of Thanksgiving. After a fleet of space ships commanded by an intergalactic walrus landed on Xenu Rock, Tom Cruise and his band of pilgrim aliens emerged from the L. Ron Mayflower to greet the volcano-dwelling Thetans. Tom immediately began jumping up and down in excitement as soon as he laid eyes on the feast the Thetans had prepared for him - read the full story here. Since we're giving thanks today, I'd just like to express my gratitude to my readers, commenters, fellow bloggers and certain celebrities for contributing so much to Gallery of the Absurd. Without YOU, my blog wouldn't be possible. Thank you for all your inspiration and entertainment and special thanks to my all-time favorite targets: Tom Cruise, Britney Spears, Puff Doodles, Donald Trump, Paris Hilton, Rachael Ray, and Lindsay Lohan. Love, 14.

Comments

[Steve]

Tom Cruise never looks so human to me as when you protray him. That should say something about how inhuman he looks in real life.
Love your work!

[Jane Eyre]

Oh.
My.
God.

This is PURE gold!
You rock 14. :)

[midevil]

Demon Kitty,

For some reason, your response made me think of Sir William Gull's character in From Hell. I think that when the curtain is drawn open, that's where Cruise is going to end up.

[mellen]

I am still laughing at this post....

However -

Cannot wait to see what you come up with for Britney and her potential "twin" Asian babies.

[Peta]

I don't know how I'm supposed to take a religion with an intergalactic walrus seriously.

Anyway, lovely work here, 14! I think you captured Katie as the doting wife very well.

[14]

Thanks everyone! Laid not layed? Figures I would have a typo. I created this post while my entire family kept yelling at me to "get off that damn computer and come visit with us". Oh, the holidays...

I changed it - thanks for being my grammar teacher!
-------
Tom and Katie spent Thanksgiving at the Walrus Lodge, located at Sector B, Planet ELRON, just left of Ursa Major North...or so say my sources.

xoxo
14

[Curious]

Where did Tom and Katie spend Thanksgiving? What city?

[Lee]

I love your work and this piece is (as usual) wonderful. But, (forgive me) it is laid, not layed. I know most people would say that spelling means nothing, They certainly spell that way, but I think it is important. I am also grateful to find someone else who finds Tom Cruise as important as I do.

[Demon Kitty]

Dear midevil,

Katie Holmes is probably grateful for that frontal lobotamy (sp??) they gave her before injecting Tom's load inside of her with a turkey baster.

[Demon Kitty]

Happy Thanksgiving 14! I am grateful for this site because it makes me laugh and provides me with the perfect outlet to .... beeyotch!

[kakaxi]

How interesting the pictures!I like him so much. He is the sexiest middlefielder of the world. He was said to appeared on the luxury club of Tom's friend http://www.millionairematch.com/user/celebrities , just for millionaire&celebrities.

[Javelin]

Thank you for enriching my life, 14-- even though I didn't have internet for like a year, I now have tons of awesome archives to enjoy.

You make the irritating presence of certain celebrities seem like a hilarious show they are putting on for us, which is very empowering and awesome.

[Becca]

I thought the whole troop of aliens were Tom Cruise and Kate Holmes' CHILDREN!XD

If not, Suri is probably one of them, heh!

[Jenn F.]

Oh my Xenu. You are fricking hilarious. Do I always say that? Because if so, I always mean it. Tom has never looked so good. The hat, the shoes, the little alien guys in pilgrim gear.

Thank you for regularly providing all of us with a good laugh, free of charge. Enjoy your Thanksgiving.

[Chansmom]

Bwahahahahawah!!!!!!!!!! Every picture I see of Katie these days shows her with a far off gaze. Not sure if its the brainwashing, or her going to a quiet place in her mind where she's imagining a life without Tom after 5 years, counting the millions she "earned" being his "wife." And finally being free of that awful little man.

[deanna1104]

that just ain't right.

[midevil]

It's very nice. I wonder what Holmes is thankful for on this Am holiday--the pay cheque she receives to keep quiet, I 'spose.

[Lynnster]

Happy Turkey Day, my friend! :)

[sunny]

Love Tom's platforms and hat.

Happy Thanksgiving, 14.

[mellen]

I was just talking to my mom about Kate and Tom and their difference in height.

Then, lo and behold...I check this site and show her this, she 'bout laughed her ass off!

The "extreme" difference is what makes it so special!

[Barb]

Awesome. I just love Tom's platform shoes and, yet, he's still not tall enough. And their vapid expressions are just too perfect.

I'm thankful for blogs and sites like this where people don't grovel at the feet of celebrities. It's just so fun to make fun of them! And I'm thankful for crazy stars and their equally crazy fans to brighten my day.

[Elizebeth]

This is awesome, I love it!

Thanks for giving tofurkey a shout out, even if it get's made fun of.