A Rigid Bavarian Structure Does Not Beget a Happy Santa Pope

Italian film and opera director Franco Zeffirelli is offering his expert image consulting services to Pope Benedict XVI because the pontiff comes aross as cold, stiff and grumpy. And German. "Coming after a media-savvy pope like John Paul II is a difficult task...Benedict XVI still communicates coldly...[he] does not smile much...and has a very rigid Bavarian structure," Zeffirelli said. Complaining further about the Vatican's poor state of fashion sense, Zeffirelli said that papal robes were "too sumptuous and flashy." The Vatican has not yet commented.

Comments

[vernice]

When was Boris Karloff made Pope?

[jennifer]

Ok, put all the pics of Tom Cruise and Paris up, but do you have to go after the Pope? And at Christmas? Can't you put picture of Xenu up instead w/ a Santa hat? He looks more like the Grinch anyway...

[Pablo Vazquez]

funny-one¡

[gn]

It's not a good thing that the Pope looks like Palpatine, you know? I miss JPII, he was cool :D

[Knox Bronson]

That is one scary looking old man! I hate to think what he will have to answer on the day of judgement, i mean, if there is one.

[Demon Kitty]

You know, when I was in Bavaria, I fucking found them to be loads of fun, a bit more gregarious and funnier then their northern neighbors. I had a great fucking time in Bavaria man! I even dated a Bavarian guy a couple of times (I was not out). We giggled like children. We giggled uncontrollably. He was loads of fun! You know, I think the pope is probably evil and that is why he comes across as stiff and cold as he does.

The Vatican has always flaunted its fucking wealth. As a former Catholic, I will say that the church has a shitload to answer for. Benedict has been called a more "conservative pope" - I shudder at what that could mean. He also thinks us gays should be damned. This idea of the body being filthy, the mortification of the flesh, the glorification of suffering, women being inherently evil.. all of this, not to mention the pedophiles they have kept secret, the crusades, the witch trials, their part in Nazi Germany, oh never mind!

Benedict just looks fucking evil. He just looks like a fucking serial killer and he is the fucking pope. Zeffirelli has his work cut out for him.

On another note, there were a couple of priests who did make a difference in my life. They were both Irish and had an enormous sense of compassion. They were also well educated.

I do believe there was a guy called Jesus who was brutally tortured and nailed to a cross, but Christianity took the gore, the blood, the violence, and the concept of eternal damnation and got crazy with that shit.

[Viper Tetsu]

Sublime PhotoShopping (you really know when less is more), and Vernice's inaugural comment is killin' me.

If his day job pans out, old Nosferatu should seek a job with the US government. With all of the demons, succubae, and homonculae that comprise the Administrative, Legislative, and Judicial Branches, he'd fit right in.

I'd sure like to see one of those polar bears from THE GOLDEN COMPASS eat him (token plug inserted only because it's semi-apropos)...

http://haiku15minutes.blogspot.com/2007/12/haiku-movie-review-121307.html

[Jujupiter]

Hi 14, have you heard about this one: http://www.mackrisvoreilly.com/

xoxo
wowo

[midevil]

Do not make fun of the Sith leader in these Dark Times. Once the Death Star regains control of women's reproductive capacity, the light will shine again.

[midevil]

Happy b-lated, 14!

[vernice]

Maybe he could change his image by doing the Vulcan greeting thing with his waving hand.

[Martin Luther Vandross]

Maybe Cardinal Law should supply him with more supple-thighed altar boys. After he rapes them on the altar, he can look relaxed. Also some Prada handbags would make him look better. He looks like a drag queen most of the time.

[Javelin]

John Paul wasn't media savvy, he was 95% dead. Maybe they could put a mannequin in the window, with a jimmy carter halloween mask on, and hire that opera dude to sew a couple outfits for it. Then the real Bennedict can take on a more Cheney-esque role and release the occasional statement like "God has endorsed the white guy for president" or "remember, no condoms" and everything will be fine.

[Word Police]

Beget. Begat is past tense.

[14]

Thanks Word Police - can I hire you?

14

[vernice]

I thought Popes weren't allowed to
BE GET (ing) any thing!

[SlumNobility]

The pope is not a celebrity, and I hope he never looks like one. For all the mental giants that posted behind me, let me inform you, some old people have dark circles under their eyes. For a bunch of people who ostensibly enjoy satirizing the ridiculous superficiality of hollywood, you seem to be acting the same way.

[Demon Kitty]

Dear Slumnobility,

Some young people have dark circles under their eyes as well.

The pope has truckloads of power. This makes him a "celebrity", this - in addition to all the MENTAL GIANTS who worship him and get really offended dare someone poke fun at him.

In the name of the father, the son, and the holy ghost - A fucking Men.

[Vernice]

Um, Slum,
Let's not forget, the Pope is like the head cheerleader for the Big Guy.
He's a mortal just like the rest of us. His job is to drum up business! So if he needs a PR guy, well that's the way it works! I'm sure they slapped a little blush on the last guy as well.
Way back in the beginning of Popedom Popes have murdered and plundered then erected statues in honor of themselves, not the Big Guy.
I think that makes them open targets.
Oh Yeah, I finally get to "represent"! As a person of near noncolor (I'm practically transparent, thus don't care about being called superficial)
I got me some dark circles that make the Pope look all peaches and cream!
But I have the sense to wear make up and I swear I'm as cute as can be!
Vern

[midevil]

I heard that dark circles under the eyes are from sinus problems or some sort of diet deficiency or a hereditary condition.

...when people are in positions of Extreme Power ie: rich people, celebs, politicians, heads of churches--being subject to public scrutiny / ridicule / legend status etc come with the territory. The Pope is no different from Titney is no different from Bush in that they are all famous.

[14]

SlumNobility,

What did I do to the Pope? Please tell me because I'm curious. The only photoshop I utilized was to add bats behind him. Bats are just as much God's creatures as doves....at least that's what the nuns used to tell me during my 8 year sentence in Catholic school.

I didn't add dark circles, nor did I make a snarky comment about them. It's Zeffirelli that claims the Pope needs a makeover, not me. I actually LIKE that he looks spooky!

do tell,

xoxo
14

[SlumNobility]

Dear 14,
I visit your site because your cartoons of annoying tabloid "celebrities" are amusing. I don't care if you like the pope or not, that's not my problem. And cartoons,when your a famous person, celebrity or not, do indeed "come with the territory." My only issue is criticizing an old man's (a man who's job description doesn't include "looking pretty") appearance. If Zeferelli made the comment that you think is funny, then it would have made more sense to lampoon him, not Pope Benedict.
And PS--Bats are God's creatures, but you know as well as I do how symbols are used.

[14]

Thanks for clarifying your position SlumNobility.

If truth be told, this post isn't about the Pope at all. My inspiration for this and most my other posts come from the stories people exchange with one another when they discuss celebrity gossip and pop-culture. Stories, fairy tales, myths, memes, fables and folklore fascinate and inspire me, so when some old nut in Italy decides the Pope needs a makeover and makes a public statement about it, my interest is aroused. Additionally, I also found it amusing that so many bloggers were making wisecracks about "Santa Pope" after seeing photos of him wearing the traditional Camauro...which does indeed resemble the cap of Ole Saint Nick.

So there you have it. People and their stories inspire me. As for bats, their symbolism is nothing more than a meme implanted in our collective minds.

Warning: I'm posting an illustration inspired by the Joe-Simpson-as-Creepy-Dad gossip meme tomorrow. It's shockingly lurid because I found the gossip about him to be so shocklingly lurid. Just google "Joe Simpson Creepy" to see what I'm referring to. I apologize in advance.

xoxOH!
14