Gallery of the Absurd

Look At Those Wrinkles!

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I know gossip reporting is not typically rooted in kindness and compassion - and without tabloids and blogger gossip, I wouldn't have much subject matter to inspire my illustrations and parodies here on GOTA. That being said, Holy Candy and I decided it was high time to collaborate on a Daily Mail parody. The UK's second largest daily newspaper, the Daily Mail has increasingly turned their focus toward conjuring up fear and disgust over the natural process of ageing. Unfortunately, this fear is focused mainly on women. Ageing men featured in the newspaper are fawned over, celebrated, and praised for looking so "natural". Women, on the other hand, are scorned for having veiny hands, wrinkles, cellulite and jowls. Often, a zoomed-in photo of the guilty body part is featured and Photoshop-enhanced to make it look even worse.

Holy Candy and I decided to see what would happen if Paul Dacre, editor of the Daily Mail, was placed under the same scrutiny as the female subjects featured in his newspaper. Just look at his deeply etched crow's feet. The marches of time have not been kind to his age-ravaged face. His veiny hands and pendulous pot belly reveal his true age, and his thinning wisps of grey hair and crooked yellow teeth are sure signs that Father Time is gaining on him. You would think with all that money he makes off bashing older women, he'd be able to afford hair replacement, botox, dental work, and liposuction. medium: photoshop. graphic assembled by 14, text written by Candy Kirby.

The Female Body Proportion Guide Has Been Updated

I came across a metafilter post yesterday with helpful links on How To Draw a Female in Proportion. Included were links to divine proportion, idealized proportion, and the most interesting, historic proportion. The above image came from Adolphe Armand Braun's Hieroglyphic or Greek Method of Life Drawing, published in 1916. If this woman was a celebrity, she'd run the high risk of being called fat by today's media-influenced standards. Curvy hips are a big no no....and A-cups? Forget it.

Now this is more like it. Today's women should have giant bobble heads perched atop a tiny stick figure body showing no discernable curves except for the giant floatation devices attached to her upper torso. Additionally, her lips should be bloated and distorted to appear as a duck bill, while the nose is whittled down to a perky speck on her smooth, wrinkle-free face. Teeth are veneered and polished to a blinding white, and with the exception of the eyebrows, lashes and mane, all hair has been stripped from the body. Bones such as the clavicle and rib cage are often seen protruding through the flesh and is considered appealing. There you have it, the updated 21st century guide to female proportion. medium: ink on paper, photoshop.Thanks Knox.

Sketchbook Chronicles: Forget Crabs, Paris Hilton Has Worms

From this week’s episode of “Hollywood Geographic”:

Biologists have recently unearthed a new species of worm: the Heiress Worm Lips. The worm lips, as seen here on Paris Hilton, are oversized, fright-inducing invertebrate that thrive as parasites on attention-hungry heiresses. Heiress Worm Lips are considered larger than humanly possible, and typically filled with Restylane. This species has little substance outside of the injected collagen and has difficulty forming big words. Worm lips can be found blowing kisses to photographers, wrapping themselves around bongs, kissing the butts of B-movie directors and latching on to Rick Salomon in the best-selling DVD, 1 Night in Paris.

In everyday language, the term worm is also applied to various other living forms, such as larvae, centipedes, shipworms and Joe Simpson. medium: ink and gouache in sketchbook, digital color, text written by Holy Candy.