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kesh

Saturday, August 23, 2008
Is Angelina Jolie connected to the murder of her Make-Up Artist?
While Angelina Jolie is trying her hardest to make the world revolve around her and her fake BRAD PITT twins her make-up artist is found dead… murdered. I do not know about you but if my long loyal devoted to me make-up artist was murdered I would find the time to cease permanently from the whole whoring my fake family out to the media still.

Did the make-up artist know too much? Did Angelina try to stop the 48 years Hollywood industry favorite cold in his track? Was he the bearer of evidence that Angelina's alleged biologically Brad Pitt kids are not his are all? Murder is a big motive when someone stand to stop you claiming $30 million worth of fake biological baby money payable from fool hearted or unnecessarily trusting editors who should never pay celebrities of any sort that kind of money without DNA evidence to substantiate the biologically media whored out claim.

Who's next in the Brangelina camp for murder fake? Will Brad himself be in danger to the greedy media attention obsessed fraudster and her con-brother/lover James Haven.

James Haven and Angelina Jolie think they have got their meal ticket through Brad claiming this daddy nonsense for “life.” Only problem Brad is not biologically responsible for her kids. Especially, when it comes to child support as he was clever enough to make sure these so called biological born children were in fact born outside of the United States jurisdiction to avoid the US might child support legislation he would had faced had the children actually been his or born in AMERICA. That must be why Angelina was after whoring the twin children out to the media for the ultimate highest bidders and to the tune of $30 million to bank into her own accounts.

Angelina and her brother are going to have to find themselves a new sugar daddy to live the high life off of. Brad Pitt will NEED to declared himself “FREED” from Ms. Jolie no matter how well Angelina and her brother think they have brainwashed him, manipulated him or emotionally blackmailed him through this daddy nonsense. They must be STOP!

And, Brad Pitt must stand up for the truth and take the kids that are legally his to take as well as bring the real biological father Alastair Burlingham forward to assist him with claiming the three non biologically Pitt children once and for.
Posted by Excalibur at 7:22 PM 0 comments Links to this post
Labels: Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt, fake biological claim, murder

antu

angelina jolie e foarte tare!
nu inteleg de ce va bateti joc de ea in halul asta! vrea sa fak un bine,si adopta multi copii....eu cred k toata lumea ar trebui sa faca la fel!
sunteti niste rai!

anna

Checking in a little late but holy shitballs this is funny. Zoomed in on the big pic and saw the gold "Orphan Scoop" on the front loader. I squealed.

cornwall wallcorn

I just have to say that I'm puzzled over the fact that so many of you wrongly perceived such negativity in this post. It was done only with the most lighthearted of intent and I don't understand how it communicates that I'm anti-adoption, anti-family, anti-kid OR my supposed biggest sin of all: that I "hate" Angelina Jolie. WHA? I don't even know her! Besides, I don't hate anyone. Please enlighten me where in this post it says I'm against adoption. Who in their right mind would be against adoption anyway??

This is just a fairy tale cartoon parody based on current social commentary and isn't meant to be taken seriously. Please take a deep breath and consider your blood pressure before you write me another ridiculous hateful email that I forward to all my friends so we can all laugh at how insane you are.

xoxo
14

Deaf Feminist Punk!

um, I know a few people who adopt a lot of foster and orphan kids. It's just what they want to do, it makes them happy, they like kids, and I say more power to them. I guess you're gonna make fun of them, too, for that?

rantersparadise

Brilliant!

Viper Tetsu

The book excerpt is a high-water mark in Ms. Kirby's masterful body of work. Holy Candy, indeed.

As for no love (obviously a cogent literary reference as his/her delicate use of language parallels that of e.e. cummings): The Flaming Lips said it best--"Hell's got all the good bands, anyway."

Tom

Almost everyone I know who came from a big family is glad that they did no matter how good or bad their parents were at parenting. Angelina can afford to take care of a huge brood and it is better than what some other gossip page starlets have been doing.

Dave Hater

no love--who will surely be sitting in the heavenly choir next to someone named Dave--has issued you an invitation to "BURN IN HELL YOU BITCH!"

I certainly hope you accept no love's invitation. You can come sit next to me and we'll burn merrily together for all eternity, mocking saints and sinners alike.

Besides, everyone knows the angels' asses look totally fat in those white robes. Just sayin'.

Demon Kitty

Dear "no love",

In the words of Ice T, "eat a dick."

Katie

Poor Shiloh.

no love

FUCK YOU...GLAD YOU CONSIDER ADOPTION SUCH A JOKE...GLAD...BURN IN HELL YOU BITCH!

FUCK YOU!

1 Headed Dog

Hilarious! That book can lift a rubber tree plant!-excellent.
However the "fortuitous number" of 14 (+ the 3 she's plopping out)=17 total! 17? Blaaaa number. 17 is a bit off for Gothic Jolie, non? I'd think considering Ang's penchant for blood exchange and candle wax on the ball sack, that she'd insist the kidlet TOTAL be an uneven, n'sPoOky 13!

Math aside...we love all of your blogs. So much so that we dry-hump them late at night...Seriously, LOVE YOUR PAGE! The writing crisp and tangy, the art sautéed so right and as succulent as the finest beef (or tofu, depends what diet we're on at the time).

CARRY ON wit'yo'bad'sef.
x's and o's from The Dog.

Demon Kitty

I came back to say I can't believe I wasted time thinking about Bradgelina.

midevil

Hollywood is a reflection of the 3rd Reich--er--current government's need for more more more canon fodder. Come on, girls, fuel the war machine! If your babies don't get jobs, they can always join Uncle Sam's war wagon--and hey, pregnancy is fun, especially when you get to go shopping shopping shopping on those celeb credit cards. Oh, you don't have one? Not a celeb? Join the army!

Sara - pension comparison

I say a big family is a happy family - when there is enough to go around. In their case, there definitely is!

Noelegy

Unintentionally funny, but the ad that popped up next to this picture said, "Are You Angelina Jolie? Find out which celebrity you are!"

Ah, Little Golden Books. This picture is charming, nostalgic, and creepy all at once.

jay b

The question is not whether she can take proper physical care of them - she's got the money (so does a state-run orphanage).
The question isn't whether they get enough love and affection - most of us didn't and don't but we came out alright. The question is why Angelina needs to have so many children. I think the "I need more kids I need more kids" kinda touches on it. Angelina has a very bad relationship with her Father, and I think she's trying, through sheer numbers, to prove to him that she is a better parent to her kids than he was to her.
And she's failing at it.

Demon Kitty

The bullshit is thick people. This is Hollywood for fuck's sake, not reality!

Angelina is the alleged heroine addict in this past week's Blind Vice from Ted Casablanca. Check it out:
http://www.eonline.com/gossip/awful/blind/?uuid=6c8e69fd-b7cc-4bc5-a11e-1038f8dd71d5

The eugenic /cinderella pregnancy porn show starring 2 of the most beautiful people in the world fucking and pushing out the most beautiful kids, going around and saving the planet is just an illusion. This is nothing more than a country club, bridge playing, PTA, junior league, church going wet dream, that does not exist. Nothing is perfect. Why does anyone believe this bullshit is beyond me. The fucking masses are so easily duped.

OMG

yeah! dumb bitch adopting too many children! i say she has too many kids and shouldn't adopt anymore! its just stupid! why would two people ever want to get together and jointly raise children?? who does she think she is adopting these children out of desperate poverty and loneliness??!! its just preposterous!!!

dear 14, skewer someone who deserves it. and honestly, why would anyone criticize a father or male partner for taking care of his and his partner's children?

Lucy

I love it, 14 and Candy! I especially love her laser beams and doofy Brad in back...LOL! I have been waiting for a good Brangelina mocking.

Seriously though, lately I have been cursing this bitch. Every time I have to touch up the kids' messes on the walls, whenever I think that I cannot have any more children because of all the work it involves, and when I'm making meals one after the other, day after day--I curse her!!! I'll bet she doesn't lift a finger to paint walls, clean, cook, anything. But she does carry kids around for the camera. I'll take that job in a sec!

And I just read that article, Cyclops Kitten. It is SO TRUE. There is no way that these people take care of all of their kids by themselves. If I have a hard time doing the best I can taking care of two kids there is no way Fish Lips can do it with that many. I call bullshit!

asa

THIS CARTOON IS NO EVEN FUNNY 14 ..IAM AN BIG ADMIRER OF YOU BUT THIS TIME .....

Cyclops Kitten Natividad

http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2008/06/10/the-hardest-part-of-my-job-is-that-everyone-lies-about-parenting/

Here's a good article about "mommy porn", citing Angelina and J-Lo in particular as bullshit role models of women who "have it all" (nannies, maids, stylists and hairdressers of course hidden for the photo ops). The sad thing is, lots of women eat this idea in huge scoops and then wonder why their lives aren't like magazines.

And then they take it out on their husbands and kids; for a true horror show read truemomconfessions sometime.

Me, I'm waiting for the Jeff Polage Baby Bump photo spread. Yum!

CPTWilly

Hey 14, good call. I think Angelina must read your blog and she is having 14 kids in honor of you; just because your AWESOME!!!

Did you hear about the latest travel special: Book two nights with the Paris Hilton and get a free box of valtrex.

nanreally

14,

I love your art, and as a baby boomer I loved this book! The combo is deliciously & devilishly fun.

You are so appreciated!
xo
Nanreally

Demon Kitty

Give her time. The chocolate is coming .... there are just so many countries and so many flavors.

pun_inpended

Very apt "repro"sentation of Ms. Jolie, her brood, and Mr. Pitt.

I think your depiction of what I call The "Ang"ine That Cooed is befitting of Lara Croft, Womb Raider : ) and dead on as always! Great description, Candy.

In the case of ensnaring Brad, maybe it would be I Think, I Man ; )

On a more serious note, while I think having that many kids that soon is a touch nuts, at least they do have money to support them and they are finding a home for several children who are ALREADY on the planet that need one. Unlike the "Ugh"gers (Duggers) who are just adding a new person to an already over populated world every nine months.

midevil

We will never truly know what goes on under crystal chandeliers when the cameras are off--but I'm willing to bet that Angie was at her most stable when she kept a vial of Billy-Jo-Bob's blood around her neck. To deny one's true nature is to create a dangerously fragile persona.

POD

Imagine Brad's perspective... he dumped Jennifer Aniston for this sex bomb, now he has a bunch of screaming kids in the middle of the relationship. I'm sure they have nannies but still! Having ONE kid kills the romance, but six? I'm taking bets on the imminent divorce... there's always a younger, hotter, child free woman, er, um, girl, waiting for Brad... just as soon as she's legal.

Peta

I couldn't help but notice how Shiloh is either excluded from the train or just barely hanging on for dear life.

I'm with you, Dave. Brangelina needs to add more cocoa to the mix.

Dave Hater

When's she getting another black one? The colour balance in her rainbow is off. Just sayin'.

Demon Kitty

Angelina Jolie has the power to become a dictator. I am amazed how she is able to get the majority of the public eating out of her hand.

I think this shit is insane! Totally insane! Six fucking kids! Six fucking kids! She feeds them all junk food! I am totally speechless with these 2. They are totally supporting that Cinderella/eugenic wet dream that is Hollywood.

I just hope to fuck I am alive when the Mommie Dearest memoirs come out on Angelina.

Thanks Deanna. Your commentary is so important - seriously.

Vanchick

I have been thinking something similar to this since she adopted Zarhara and said that she wanted lots more children, this is so perfect and Candy's version of the Little Engine That Could is dead on.

Becca

Beautiful.

Angelina Jolie is now a brood sow.:)

Miss Mezza

Savage, 14, Savage, and rightfully so. Dunno if other people are getting the viciousness of this -- fueled, no doubt, by your disgust with the Grotesque Parade That is Brangelina. Frankly, i think this work is gob-smaking, smack-bang on-target, no-holds-barred Skewering. Well done.

javelin

genius! you captured Angelina's robotic, saintly-compulsiveness in a way that subtly highlights the vacancy she seems to see in herself.

julieparis

just genious!
continue à nous épater!

frewt

Bwahahaha ha, captures the histerical diatribe in perfectly passive agressive kinda way. The doritos and pizza are noted - that woman is an abuser!

sorry whatsinthefood,
i meant to address that to gumball. peace.

deanna

whatsinthefood we could pick and choose bible verses to support our personal opinions, and rightfully so. i however, would have to point out to you that king david had many wives and many children, and was unable to control or parent all of them, hence the demise of absalom, his brother, and the rape of his sister, all of which went on under the roof of a busy father and many mothers. that's all i'm saying about that and big families. peace.

deanna

Adopting umpteen children will neither erase or improve a past childhood nor will it cure or repair the present parent child relationship.

Vern

All aboard the train,
"The little golden couple"
Truly, "need more kids".

Jenn F.

The expression in her eyes combined with those laser beams is hilarious. And Candy's "I need more kids. I need more kids." ~ oh that is priceless!

Who knows what to believe. Angelina's always been a master of manipulating people's perceptions of her, of carefully changing and building her image in certain ways to keep people talking.

itmustbeken

'Mia Farrrow Syndrome' is not a funny disease and we should never mock those who suffer from it.

Shame on all of you.

Lynnster

BTW, I'm very surprised they haven't started calling it her rainbow tribe...

Lynnster

That's hysterical. Nice work on the illustration!

I like the touch of Brad pushing the train... the two baby heads almost look like boobs.

Erik

There's so much to love here, the empty head as smokestack, the laser beam eyes, Brad pushing from the back with the double strap-on, the Americafication of Pax (I think?). Plus it is, of course, based on a book we all grew up with. I like Candy's rewrite "I need more kids, I need more kids" it fits perfectly!

gumball

You've heard of school, orphan homes, big families of yore such as the Kennedy's? What's so special about a rich couple adopting a lot of children to love and care for as well as have their own and not waste their wealth on drugs, booze, luxury and perversion? With so many children being abandoned, murdered and killed by disease she is keeping the blood lines alive.
"Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them..." -psalm 127:3-5

WhatIsInTheFood

The Little Engine that Could - a total family favorite

Dr. L.

Wow, Tremendous! I love the laser beams coming from her eyes.

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