Celebrities are well-known for gracing their babies with highly unusual and potentially embarrassing names. According to the New York Times, "If celebrities are the new American aristocracy, the exotic baby name can sometimes function as the equivalent of a royal title, a way for a privileged caste to bestow the power of its legacy on future generations."
You've probably wondered how our American aristocracy dreams up such memorable monikers as Pilot Inspektor or Moxie Crimefighter - but wonder no more! The Celebrity Baby Names book is now available to the masses. No longer must you name your baby with such common, downright proletariat names such as Steven or Ashley. Give your babies titles of royalty! Glistening Reptile or Cerulean Cosmonaut are names you can be proud of as you bestow your legacy of power upon future generations. Medium: ink on paper, digital color, photoshop.
The book is so easy to use, even a monkey could do it! Just open to a random page, close your eyes and point! Over 100,000 names to choose from. Medium: photoshop illustration.
I find it increasingly difficult to distinguish between real products and product parodies these days. For instance, I keep getting promotional emails from a woman named Jessica Goon. Ms. Goon wants me to promote a line of pubic hair dye called "Betty" on my blog, and perhaps mention the clever stencils available for transforming "the hair down there" into a charming topiary of peace signs and lightening bolts. It took me several moments to realize that this woman named Goon was serious and that the products really existed. There ya go Jessica, I mentioned it on my blog. I digress...
When I saw the promotional website for Christina Aguilera's new fragrance Inspire, I figured it was a Mad Magazine parody. Inspire?? The perfect cheesy name for a celebrity fragrance. I noticed the photoshopped imagery and silly concept of the perfume bottle enclosed inside ethereal bubbles of pink froth. Ha, good one. After reading the product description, I had a nice hearty chuckle over how Engrish-like it came across - The fragrance will remind you not to drift along with the crowd, but will inspire you to stand up for what you believe in and strive for your dreams. Duped again, it soon became clear that Inspire is the real deal. Frustrated, I made my own parody. Medium: Classy photo of Christina found on google, photoshop, digital paint.
You and your baby will love Jenna's tasteful "twosies" from her baby apparel collection, "I'm a Porn Star, Baby." Made from 100% cozy nylon and polyester, each piece features an adorable lace top with plunging neckline and matching lace-up panties with attached thigh-high booties. Medium: ink on paper, digital color.
Jenna's favorite item from her collection is the Dual Action Feeding Bottle made with genuine lifelike silicone. "It's going to be a big hit in Los Angeles because the bottle is designed to more closely resemble the body type of the average Beverly Hills woman", says Jenna. "It's also a smart solution for all the twins being born these days. I've already sent a case to Angelina Jolie, Jennifer Lopez, and the countless other celebrities with twins." Medium: digital illustration.
Jenna's official commissioned portrait. Medium: Digital illustration. Idea for nursery collection came from a witty GOTA commenter.UPDATE:Gallery of the Absurd and It's Candy TV will collaborate occasionally on the newly launched Celebrity Crap Network (CCN), the leading interactive multi-channel peddler of useless merchandise endorsed by already-rich celebrities. We guarantee that all items sold on CCN are unoriginal and of shoddy construction -- and that the associated celebrities have little to nothing to do with the actual planning, design or creation of these items. First up, the Olsen Twins Jewelry Collection.
After posting the Shine of the Brangeloonie, a few GOTA readers requested a shrine for the Claymate species. I thought about what the average Claymate might appreciate and after careful study, concluded that most are likely to be collectors of the sort of trinkets seen advertised in the back of Ladies Home Journal. There's a good chance many of them own unicorn figurines, music boxes, frightening dolls, Disney trinkets, or somethingatrocious by Thomas Kinkade. I realize it's a gross generalization, but I'm sticking to my instincts after examining severalClaymatefansites. I believe I've created a dazzling Clay Aiken tribute they won't be able to resist: The Clay Aiken Singing Angel Music Box.
I was right. Look at the happy faces and joyous camaraderie of the Claymates as they show off their Clay Aiken Singing Angel Music Box during their Claymate-themed pizza party in Cedar Rapids, Iowa. Kidding aside, please do visit the most amazing Claymate site I've ever come across. They bring a plastic bunny named Ms. Bucky to the Claymate parties and feed it wine and make it watch Clay Aiken videos. Genius. Medium: Photo composite, digital paint, Clay's head courtesy of Wenn, this post directly inspired by this dlisted entry.
In response to John McCain's controversial celebrity ad, Barack Obama's campaign released this Heidi Montag endorsed poster today. Insiders claim Senator McCain thought his own campaign was responsible for the poster and after viewing it, proudly informed reporters his campaign is striving to attract younger voters by using "talented actresses" such as Montag. Campaign officials quickly ushered the stuttering McCain away from the microphones and explained that Obama's camp was responsible for the ad. Witnesses say McCain began pumping his fists as he burst into a fit of Hulk-like fury and berated his cowering employees for not coming up with the idea themselves. Medium: Graphite on paper, digital color.
UPDATE: I find it amusing a pro McCain ad magically showed up on my blog next to the drawing of McCain looking like a half-dead angry chipmunk. Readers are emailing me to have it removed, but I take sick pleasure in it being there and even grabbed a screen shot of it. And no, I'm not a McCain supporter.