Gallery of the Absurd

Behold Ye, The Obama Meerkat Messiah

The Meerkat Messiah
Barack Obama Holyus Presidentia

The Barack Obama Meerkat Messiah is a lanky, big-eared mammal of the rare political species holyus presidentia.  It inhabits the Left-Wing regions of Oahu, Chicago and, as of January 20th, the White House.

Origin of Name and Predators

"Meerkat" is a loanword from Afrikaans, while “messiah” refers to the curious deity-like status of the animal.  According to liberal folklore, the Meerkat is also known as “The Savior,” as it saves the United States from Dubya’s clutches while perched atop its ever-rising pedestal.  Although predators include Fox News and Ann Coulter, the Meerkat Messiah is largely immune to the usual media skepticism and venom, especially in the MSNBC and Huffington Post regions, unlike other presidents-elect and candidates.   Reports attribute the origins of that immunity to what experts call the “Oprah Effect.”

Anatomy, Diet and Foraging Behavior

The Meerkat Messiah has indicated it enjoys feasting upon delicious, caloric delicacies at Italian Fiesta Pizzeria in Hyde Park.  However, due to a daily exercise regimen and hunger-reducing smoking habit, the Meerkat is able to maintain its long and lean figure, so surprisingly eye-pleasing topless paparazzi shots on the beach are plentiful.

Meerkat Messiahs forage for solutions to economic and international crises in a group composed of former foes and predators, including a bulldog that is now Secretary of State.  The Meerkat dances on “Ellen” and cheers “yes, we can” when all is well.  If the Meerkat spots danger, it simply asks Congress to bail out the situation.

Behavior

Meerkats are very social and likable, extending a much-needed feeling of hope to many Americans who flock to him like Amy Winehouse to Jack Daniels.  A record-breaking two million people are expected to attend the Meerkat’s Inauguration, a testament to its staggering level of popularity and worship.

Illustration by 14, ink on paper, digital color. Post and description written by Candy Kirby.

Britney Spears' Private Fantasy Island Discovered

In a recent MTV documentary, Britney Spears revealed her desire to escape from the glare of the paparazzi by moving to her own private island. "That would be heaven - to have my kids on an island, and a man, and nobody can get to us." Sensing that Brit already had the island and has been keeping it a secret, we sent our reporters to remote areas of the South Pacific in order to track it down. What we found was astounding -- an unassuming island has indeed been transformed into a Britney Spears pleasure palace. Since The Isle of Britney is wired with sensors immediately disabling any camera for miles, we asked our cartographer to create a map we could share with our readers. As you can see, the singer has spared no expense to create her own island fantasy. State-of-the-art security surrounds a mega mansion featuring a recording studio, gym, skating rink, nightclub, and a Italian stone fountain gurgling with Red Bull. The grounds feature paved trails so Brit can indulge her kids in their favorite activity; being pulled around in a wagon. The sun drenched white sands of Possum Island, located near the Sea of Frappuccino is where Britney spends most her time sunning and enjoying the nearby Taco Bell tiki hut. To make herself feel more at home when nature calls, she's installed a replica of a filthy gas station bathroom. Her bothersome father lives in a tent out near the Strait of Y'all.

Britney's island contains species not found anywhere else on the Earth. It appears Britney commissioned highly trained genetic biologists to create specialized flora and fauna to suit her demanding needs. Seen above is a branch from the curious Southern Cheeto Tree, found in the vast Cheeto Orchard surrounding her home. Anytime Brit craves a cheeto, she simply reaches up and picks a fresh one off the heavy branches. Specialized Britmunks live in the trees and enjoy nibbling the cheetos that happen to fall on the ground before Brit can pick them. They keep the grove very clean and neat.

The most amazing spectacle on the Isle of Britney is the Food Court Reef. It's no wonder Britney has taken up deep sea diving - the reef is brimming with her favored food sources such as the delicious spicy Taco Trout, juicy Cheeseburger Clams, and most astounding, the Jumbo Fries Coral featuring schools of cute little Ketchup Packet Fish especially adapted to live among the stalks of golden fried goodness. Medium: ink, acrylic, photo collage. Much thanks to Candy for the gas station bathroom idea.