African Villages Ward Off Orphan-Obsessed Celebrities

Fed up with status-seeking American celebrities raiding their orphanages for trendy accessories, several African villages have created wooden tribal masks and figurines to ward off future intrusions.  Each mask is exquisitely hand-carved in the likeness of Madonna and Angelina Jolie and hung menacingly outside village orphanages. It is claimed the masks impart so much blood-curdling fear, orphan-seeking celebrities avoid entrance.  Local villagers have recognized the power of the masks and it's not uncommon to see them displayed at the entrance of their dwellings to ward off marauding rivals and evil spirits. Even tourists are snapping them up.

A local shaman who does not want to be named claimed he had visions of Baby Snatchers during an iboga-fueled vision quest ceremony several years ago. "I saw a gap-toothed monster, with great shining eyes and hair of gold. It's arms were outstretched, veins protruding like the branches of a Baobab tree, with a curious yarn, colored scarlet like blood, tied around only one arm. I awoke with a gasp, grabbed the first piece of wood I found, and began carving the prophetic image Iboga gave to me!" Medium: ink and graphite on paper, digital color.

Comments

[Che]

Don't get your humor, I can take a joke just as much as the next person but really why are these celebs being ridiculed? Excuse me being made fun of. What's the big deal that celebs are adopting children from Africa? It didn't seem to be a problem when celebs like Mia Farrow, Meg Ryan & countless other celebs adopted children from China & other Asian countries.

[Viper Tetsu]

Nightmares gallop across my subconscious like a herd of zebra on an African plain...And at the center of 'em, that damned pointy-boobed Madge carving is coming to life and chasing after me with a knife, just like that Zuni fetish doll in that old Karen Black horror movie.

I'd run in fear, 'cept I'll be doubled over laffing so hard that I'd be easy pickin's for Voodoo Madge. So damn you. And Thanks!
Brill, baby...

[Erik]

You made me laugh, 14. And I can always use a good laugh! It looks like the Madonna head could also be used as a war club. Which probably has some voodoo attached to it about being beaten with the ugly stick.

Well done!

[Idlewild]

I love the art work that comes from your brain out through your hands. You are incredible and the commentary is SUPERTERRIFICFABULOUSO!!!!! You keep me laughing.

[Idlewild]

yes teacher..commentary

[midi]

Gorgeously executed, 14! As always!

Hmmm, me thinks that instead of adopting impoverished children and spending a fortune on the security/lawyers to do it, these plastic bitches could fork over the small fortunate to provide new wells for clean water and tools for sustainable farming and so many other more productive things.

[Webmaster Pete]

Jesus Christ in a Speedo surfing off Maui, that there sure is a funny concept with spot-on execution courtesy of 14's brilliantly twisted, unearthly talent. I just about did a spit take with my morning coffee - my co-workers wondered what the hell I was laughing at.
In Response to Matthew Rettenmund -
Yes, they will be better off with their billionaire adoptive parents. On the other hand, I think that if the billionaires really gave a shit, they could spend more of their resources helping improve conditions for lots more people. Besides, parody doesn't have to be completely fair, it NEVER is, it just has to be funny.

[Tom]

Thank goodness there are so many other poor countries around the world. What would our celebrities do if they were limited to just Africa?

[Doodle Whore]

Thanks for making me laugh in Barcelona! I'm on vacation, but I still make time to check GOTA. And La Isla Bonita is playing on the radio as I type :)

[ElB]

Absolutely incredible!! hahahaha...too lifelike, i want those for my mantle!! :o)

[Matthew Rettenmund]

Right, because an orphanage is better than a loving family with a billion dollars. Oh, wait...

[Chaos by Design]

I find all I can say is
I Love You (and I mean it)

xoxoxox
L

[Perhaps]

It must be working, Angelina needs another orphan to make a matched set with Z...maybe she'll start stealing Madonnas orphans? Orphan wars...the beginning of WW III?

[The Mave]

The Hilarious Artistic Genius Strikes Again! I hope these actually work! Oh annoying Madonna &, as Barbara Walters would say,.. "An-Ja-Ween-Nah!"

[Mockazine]

Well, cancel my flights. No point in trying to get me one of them orphan babies if the scary masks and statues are going to keep me away.

[Vern]

Er, wait a minute! Are those little hands on the Octo-mom's necklace? Ewwww! That just brilliant! Wrong, but brilliant!
HAHAHAHA!

[Vern]

Wahhhhh! The one with the square ears and the mink lashes-creepy eyes follow me when I move.
But I do like the Octomom's head piece. It's real purty.

[14]

Thank you!

JM - Grammar is not one of my strong points, that's for sure. It think I mean orphan-obsessed celebrities? Right teacher? : )

xoxo
14

[OneStonedCrow]

Hehehe ... I just love Angie ... what Namibian doesn't?

... and the way you capture her lips ... makes me weak at the knees ...

great post

[Psychochick]

I want me an African baby! Nothing says "I've arrived" like an orphan on your hip.

[sweet subversion]

You fucking genius!!! You fucking genius!!! These are too brilliant!

[Red]

Geebus! Dems skerry! First slavery, then apartheid, now Madge and Angelina. Black people can't catch a break!

[JM]

First, I love the artwork.

Second, are they obsessed celebrities who've been orphaned, or do you mean orphan-obsessed celebrities? :)

[Feng]

Beware, children, the POINTY BOOBS! AAAAAAHHHHHH!