Recent reports claim Pete Doherty's cats were found with cocaine in their systems. Similar to the air in Rome, Junkie Pete's London apartment is wafting with enough cocaine particles to keep him, his cats, and his entire neighborhood high for months. After noticing his cats were snorting lines, hallucinating, drinking all his beer, and stealing his car for crack-fueled joy rides, Pete came up with an idea. He would gather trash, bits of rotting food and dust from his apartment and make cat treats from it. Pete Doherty's Crack Addict Crunchies are taking London by storm and will soon be available in the United States. They're 40 times stronger than catnip and your cat is guaranteed to love them...but please, keep them out of reach from Hollywood starlets. Medium: oil on wood, digital color. Original sketch here.
I had my hand slapped recently by Paris Hilton's attorney after I painted crabs scurrying near the vicinity of her crotch. A warning to other artists and bloggers: you may not add crustaceans to any of your creative interpretations of Paris Hilton because doing so implies Ms. Hilton has loathsome diseases and you'll be threatened with defamation. However, no one said anything was wrong with painting Paris Hiltonas a crab. The Heiress Crab is an invasive species of crustacean found in Southern California. It can be spotted crawling around Barneys, Kitsons, the In-N-Out Burger and in various nightclub VIP rooms. It has numerousnaturalenemies and can't seem to hold on to any friends. Cops enjoy pulling the Heiress Crab over not because it often breaks the law, but because they want to ask it out to dinner. Recently the Heiress Crab was sentenced to spend time in a crab trap as punishment for it's bad behavior and now it's claws are out for vengeance. Medium: oil on wood.
Much thanks to GeekSugar for this nice write up and interview confirming the fact that I am indeed a geek. Update Sept. 2012: I am no longer a geek. I am now a nature freak/mystery elf.
While shopping a few weeks ago I noticed Rachael Ray's perpetually perky face plastered all over the place. There she was on magazine covers, books, packages of culinary knives, and most troubling of all, a box of Ritz Crackers. That night, after my Rachael Ray overload, I went online to try and understand how/why she had become so frighteningly ubiquitous. When I came across her recipes for Hotdog Salad and Sangria on a Stick while perusing her website, my fear only intensified. Later that night, I awoke with a terrible jolt after having a nightmare about a giant evil-grinned Rachael Ray chipmunk trying to force me to taste her latest 30-minute recipe "Velveeta Cheese Pie with Triscuit Cracker Crust". YUM-O!
Whether you're a fan of Rachael Ray or not, she's become a trusted brand of numbing mass consumption and you're just going to have to get used to her happy little chipmunk face staring back at you from nearly every product under the sun. Medium: Ink with digital color.UPDATE!Rachael Ray's new name is Racial Ray. Acording to TMZ, she drank too much wine at dinner and started spewing hateful remarks. The chipmunk is rabid.
The Jessica Simpson Dingbat Frog can be found hopping around Hollywood in search of a suitable mate. It can be identified by its large chest spilling out of low cut tops and also by its habit of wearing silly boots. The disturbing croak of the Dingbat Frog has been recorded on CD and is available for purchase. A distinguishing characteristic of the Dingbat Frog is its enormous rubbery mouth which is often kept agape. This allows the frog to feed on cash flies buzzing around lucrative endorsement deals such as Proactive Acne Solution, Pizza Hut Cheesy Bites, clip-on hair, accessories and cosmetics. This concludes the series of "Celebimals" commissioned by Animal magazine. Medium: Ink and acrylic on paper, Latin phrase by Michael K.
Nicole Richie is reportedly seeking treatment to find out "why she can't gain weight". While we're happy she's finally taking care of her health, we wonder if she'll still make headlines once she returns to a less shocking size. If she's not a walking skeleton in a baggy size 0 bikini, will she still appear on the glossy covers of tabloids? If she's at a healthy weight, will the paparazzi still stalk her for the elusive money shot of Nicole consuming food? Will fervent speculation and scandal continue with sordid tales of drug use, eating disorders and collapsing in night clubs? Oh well, whether Nicole is skinny or not, she'll always look like a pygmy marmoset. That's not such a bad thing. Medium: Ink and acrylic on paper. This illustration appeared in the Animal magazine feature "Celebimals". Concept and Latin name by dlisted's Michael K.
The poor little barefoot Britneyroo (careerisoverum) is worn down and burdened from always having to lug the Freeloading Federline Lizard (paraciticus wannabeus africus reptilia) around in her pouch. The Lizard sits back, cracks open a 40 ouncer, and daydreams about one day becoming a big rap star. He never has to lift a finger to do anything other than keep the Britneyroo knocked up. What a life the slimy little Lizard has. Medium: Ink, acrylic on paper, Britneyroo Latin name by Kipling West, Lizard Latin name by Michael K.