Gallery of the Absurd

Paris Hilton is NOT a Slut

In this heart wrenching interview by TMZ's Harvey Levin, Paris Hilton emotionally declares she isn't a slut. Come on everyone, just because Paris is always spreading her legs, showing the world she doesn't wear underwear and dancing on tables DOES NOT mean she's a slut. She writhes and grunts while singing Happy Birthday to Hugh Hefner because she is a singer, okay? She writhes and grunts while biting a big juicy hamburger because she's a brand and a model, okay? Paris is a serious actress, didn't any of you people see House of Wax?!?! Paris even wrote a thought-provoking book based on exhaustive research about....herself. You may refer to Ms. Hilton as "American Royalty" and you may stand in awe at her self-proclaimed status of "Iconic Blonde", but don't you dare call her a slut. It hurts her feelings. Medium: Ink, acrylic on page from Doctor Doolittle's Post Office. Latin phrase by Michael K.

Oh, and one more interview! This one is more about art and less about celebrity. The Extra Finger interviews emerging artists from around the world and we are honored to be included. Read it here.

Celebimals: Britneyroo and the Freeloading Federline Lizard

The poor little barefoot Britneyroo (careerisoverum) is worn down and burdened from always having to lug the Freeloading Federline Lizard (paraciticus wannabeus africus reptilia) around in her pouch. The Lizard sits back, cracks open a 40 ouncer, and daydreams about one day becoming a big rap star. He never has to lift a finger to do anything other than keep the Britneyroo knocked up. What a life the slimy little Lizard has. Medium: Ink, acrylic on paper, Britneyroo Latin name by Kipling West, Lizard Latin name by Michael K.

Celebimals: The Brangelino

I couldn't figure out what animals Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt looked like....until Michael K. of Dlisted said "draw Angelina as a Rhino with Brad picking flies out of her ears". Never in a million years would I have thought of that. I took the challenge and created the Rhangelino (homeus wreckerus) and the Brird (subservius hunkus).

Animal Magazine is hitting the newstands this week and Issue 7 features ten exclusive Gallery of the Absurd illustrations with commentary written by Michael K. While Harpers Bazaar attempts to shock with a naked Britney Spears cover, Animal prefers to titillate with the tattooed and sexy-lipped Brangelino. You can get your copy here. More images from the "Celebimals" series will be posted here throughout July. Medium: Ink and acrylic on paper. Latin names by Michael K.

How To Attract A Star Fish

Rumors are flying that Star Jones got canned from The View because of all the attention surrounding her shameless quest for freebies and because of the denial and controversy surrounding her dramatic weight loss. When it comes to Star Jones, I don't know what to believe...all I know is that when Animal Magazine asked Michael K and I to come up with ideas for celebrity animals, we all agreed that Ms. Jones reminded us of one of those bug-eyed goldfish.  According to popular speculation, both the Bug-Eyed Star Fish (gastrica bypassus denialus) and the Reynolds Rainbow Trout (homosexus closeta) are awash in various forms of denial.

Paris Hilton as a Proboscis Monkey

When ANIMAL magazine asked Michael K and I to come up with celebrity animals, we immediately noticed how much Paris Hilton resembles a proboscis monkey. Thing is, we found an even better animal to represent Paris....but it's a secret. You have to wait until ANIMAL no. 7 comes out to see it. For now, enjoy Paris as a primate. Proboscis monkeys are endangered, but Paris Hilton types seem to be flourishing. I wish it were the other way around. Medium: Ink, acrylic, burnt sage leaves on paper. Latin phrase by Michael K.

The First Official Portrait of TomRat

This is a sneak preview of the "Celebrity Animals" project that Dlisted and Gallery of the Absurd collaborated on with ANIMAL magazine. ANIMAL challenged us to transform today's most popular tabloid celebrities into animals and you can see them all in the upcoming issue #7 due out in early June.  See Paris, Nicole, Brangelina, Jessica, and Lindsay as you've never seen them before! 
Pictured above is Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, aka TomRat, posing with their new baby girl. We wish them warm congratulations on their reincarnation of L. Ron Hubbard new addition to the family. Medium: Acrylic, ink and coffee on gorgeous paper I found at a garage sale with just a splash of digital enhancement.

Kirsten Dunst Has Found True Love

It had to be done.

Many thanks to Demon Kitty for the suggestion to paint Kirsten Dunst as Bat Boy.
This illustration also serves to pay homage to my all-time favorite supermarket tabloid, The Weekly World News.

Celebrities are Just Like Sea-Monkeys

Has anyone ever noticed similarities between the way
Sea-Monkeys were marketed back in the 70's with the way tabloid celebrities are marketed today?  Both Sea-Monkeys and tabloid regulars are promoted as entertaining and attention-loving creatures who live in a world of make-believe. Celebrity stylists, makeup artists, image consultants and agents all work together to transform a marginally talented person into a super-hyped entity that seems to transcend normal human existence...just as Harold von Braunhut, creator of "Sea-Monkeys" was able to transform brine shrimp into the illusion of playful and friendly aquatic simians who wore crowns and lived in castles.  Above is the original advertisement that appeared in the comic books of the 70's. Below is my version of the ad as I imagine it would look in the pages of Star magazine:

click to enlarge

Oh, and DON'T MISS this online art show! The Seven Deadly Sinners take on Sea Monkeys as inspiration for their very first online art show and kindly asked me to be a guest artist. Marvel at the Sea Monkey pin-up girl, the Sea Monkees (Mickey, Peter, Davie and Michael), and more...

Jude Law: Common Trouser Snake

Here is a page torn from my best-selling book, 14's Field Guide to Showbiz Snakes. Pictured is Jude Law as the Common Trouser Snake.... but alas, in mid-printing, our team discovers shocking nude photos of Mr. Law circulating the Internet, and after careful examination, we replaced the above page with a revision. See below:

A New Species of Fish Has Been Discovered in Hollywood

The Trout Pout (Collegenus Lip Inflatus) can be spotted and identified by its ginormous shiny lips. Baffled scientists are at a loss to explain how the mutation occurs, but have observed that it often happens suddenly and without warning among some actresses who have reached a "certain age". The Trout Pout can be spotted with increased regularity in the exclusive shopping areas, fine restuarants and day spas located in Beverly Hills, its natural habitat.