Gallery of the Absurd

Kim Kardashian's Naked Perfume Bottle

This is an old one I forgot to post, but it still holds up.  I was struck by the fact Kim Kardashian created a perfume bottle made from a plaster mold of her naked body (because of course she did), but it would have been SO much more alluring had she used a plaster mold of the body captured in that infamous paparazzi bikini shot she hates so much. 

Toilet Paper Canonized Due to Exceptional Holiness

BREAKING NEWS - It has been announced that the Blessed toilet paper has been canonized into a Holy Saint due to it's mysterious disappearance after followers began hoarding it as a protective device during a worldwide pandemic. Father Snarky of the Holy Church of the Absurd confirmed the canonization due to the soft, absorbent tissue's ability to "provide miraculous powers, devotion and influence on it's users while touching their inner lives, but not their butts."

Instagrams of the Future: Caitlyn Jenner

A decade from now, Caitlyn Jenner will be known as a great American icon and our greatest cultural export. She will be adored and admired by millions and there are even college courses dedicated to study her life. In 2027, at the age of 77, She releases Caitlyn: A Peek Into My Boudoir, a best-selling coffee table book of saucy pin-up portraits of herself posing in sexy lingerie. Medium: digital paint.

Instagrams of the Future: Kylie Jenner

This is how I imagine Kylie Jenner’s Instagram feed will look 10 years from today.  She’ll still be vehemently denying the use of any cosmetic surgery and will have built a vast billion dollar empire peddling her Kylie’s Lip Kits to the masses. Medium: digital paint.

Urban Fairy Tale Characters of San Francisco: part TWO

I spotted her sitting on a bench surrounded by lush greenery and colorful flowers outside Cafe Flore in the Castro neighborhood of San Francisco. Initially, I was drawn to the flaming orange hair, the purple velvet pants, and best of all, the glittery sandals. Friends who worked in the area told me she was a transgender homeless woman named Anastasia and although many offered to help her, she'd usually refuse and was known to have a bad temper. Some referred to her as "Tragedy Anne". I only saw her once, but she left such an impression on me that day because she looked like a majestic glowing lion sitting upon a throne in garden painted by Rousseau. 

I painted her once and was so inspired, I had to paint her again. Sadly, a few months after I painted her two portraits, I was informed she had died alone on the street.  I never got to show Anastasia the portraits I painted, and she'd likely have sassed and cursed at me for even approaching her, but I'm glad I captured the fleeting moment I saw her. RIP Anastasia.  Medium: Digital paint.

 

Moving on to a happier urban tale, this is a guy whose name I forget because he was so charmingly flirtatious when I approached him that I was left blushing and rattled. He can be spotted a mile away on Market street due to his brightly colored magenta hair, his colorful sartorial splendor, and his gold tooth glinting in the sun. He spends hours leaning against store windows, slyly eyeballing the passing ladies while posing with his long cigarette holder. Here's a photo of him flirting with me. Don't be jealous.

I know, I go too far sometimes, but I felt the need to draw him again - this time as a magenta butterfly. Medium: digital paint

Kim Kardashian's Ass on Paper Magazine

Okay, so I decided to play along with the Kim Kardashian Ass Internet Explosion meme. Ughhhh. Medium: digital paint directly over intenet photo and completed in less than an hour.

Renee Zellweger's Extreme Sour Lemon Candy

My email box is jammed regarding questions about my Renee Zellweger painting. Yes, I still have the original acrylic and gouache painting. I've had offers to sell it, but I just couldn't seem to part with it.  No, I don't feel responsible for her altering her face.  Yes, sure it's "mean", but my art project at the time was to illustrate gossip - and if you've ever read a celebrity gossip blog or flipped through the tabloids, you know it's not good natured banter and uplifting narratives.  I hope that answers most the questions.  Thanks for reading my silly blog!

Urban Fairy Tale Characters of San Francisco: part ONE

As an avid Watcher of People, I enjoyed spending the summer painting some of the colorful cast of characters spotted during my street photography adventures. After work, I toss on a pair of dark sunglasses, grab my iPhone and chihuahua, and wander the streets to see who might catch my hungry eye.  Above:  She wearily trudged down Market Street wearing flip-flops paired with suntan colored support hose and a busted wig worn slightly askew. In my imagination, I named her Mildred. Medium: graphite on paper, digital paint.

If one happens to spot a bearded manboy man dressed as a Toddler Gigantus in the Mid-Market district (home to Twitter, Yelp and vast numbers of tech startups), it's highly likely that he is a "Techie". Techies are very controversial in San Francisco these days, but they don't bother me as I get a kick out of their carefully coordinated garanimal outfits usually topped off with a little matching hat and a cute backpack festooned with cartoon animals, dangling toys, and a solar charger for their iPhones. They can be spotted on Market Street as they toddle between Chipotle and their well-paid jobs at the hottest tech startups. Interestingly, the offices of many startups resemble sleek kindergartens and tree houses. Medium: digital painting

San Francisco's Chinatown buzzes with sensory overload during the Summer months. It is a bustling frenzy of people crowding sidewalks lined with stores full of overflowing tourist tat, produce stands, and restaurants featuring cooked ducks hanging by their necks in the window. The pungent smell of dried squid mingles with the sweetness of overripe fruit. Live toads flop sluggishly in filthy buckets and a fish cut in half still twitches atop a bed of melting crushed ice. Harried fishmongers yell angrily at curious tourists for taking photos of it all. One day I was walking through the neighborhood and noticed a very well-dressed man walking toward me. His smartly tailored, three-piece suit was decorated with a pageantry of ribbons, badges, and a red carnation boutonniere. A jet-black pompadoured toupee perched atop his head like a shining crown, which added to his overall air of distinction.  Our eyes met as we crossed and I wanted to give him a little wink, but was too shy. Medium: graphite on paper, digital paint.

When I Requested a Table With a View...

...this is not what I was expecting. Medium: digital painting.

So Many Shiny People at the Art Gallery Opening

I attended the Art Market San Francisco opening night party a while back and as usual, did not notice any of the art. How could I when there are so many shiny people who themselves, are walking works of art? Above: He waltzed around like a proud peacock and was accompanied by an eldery woman who spilled her wine and giggled at everything he did.  I thought to myself, "oh my god, that old lady is ME from the future."  Medium; graphite in moleskin sketchbook, digital color.

The title of this one is simply, Rich Lady Foot. Medium: graphite in moleskine sketchbook, digital color.

At first, all I could see was a fiery red heat in the distance, but as it got closer, a seemingly befuddled, but exquisitely dressed Pixie emerged from the fire's glow. Medium: digital painting