Gallery of the Absurd

Vincent Gallo's ATM Machine

Vincent Gallo offers his sperm for sale on the "merchandise" area of his web site. If you'd like your future child to possess delusions of grandeur and inflated ego, this is the opportunity for you!   You can buy his precious body fluid for only $1,000,000 and you get to experience his 8" cash withdrawal machine.  But wait, if you have an "extremely dark complexion", Mr. Gallo isn't interested in selling his sperm to you. Gallo prefers a blonde with blue eyes and is prepared to knock $50,000 off his asking price if she can "prove" she's natural. Come on fair haired ladies, line up for this once in a lifetime chance! Meduim: gouache and acrylic on paper.

The Paris Hilton VooDoo Doll

Yes, I know...Paris Hilton again.  It's only because I've noticed an increased frequency of Paris Hilton backlash in the gossip tabloids, and we seem to gobble it up with glee. Star Magazine recently ran a cover story accusing Paris of "backstabbing" and "boyfriend stealing" and went on to feature her growing list of enemies.  Italian designer Valentino called Paris "vulgar",  Mary Kate Olsen is upset Paris stole her oversized Greek boyfriend, Shannon Dougherty is still seething over the fact that her ex-husband "starred" with Paris in the infamous sex video, and Page Six reported that Paris's own pet monkey attacked her while they were shopping together in Las Vegas. The way things are going, it's only a matter of time before Tinkerbell goes for her throat. For this reason, I have created the Paris Hilton Voodoo Doll. It was designed not to cause bodily harm to Paris....no, each prick of the pin will only embroil her in more scandal and humiliation. We'll be entertained by her downfall, and she'll gain the notoriety she seeks. Everyone wins. Buy one today!

Gigantic Heads on Stick Bodies

Just about every week, you'll find tabloid headlines pointing out the latest star wasting away to bones. Photos document the skeleton du jour's hasty descent from healthy and robust to frail and thin.  The photos are shocking, not because the women are so thin....but because their heads are so HUGE compared to their stick-like bodies. Nicole Richie, Teri Hatcher, and Christina Ricci have collaberated to create a guilt-free snack that is causing a sensation in Hollywood.  These NO calorie, NO fat Hollypops are the perfect meal for the gal who just can't seem to get thin enough. Three mouthwatering flavors, Lettuce, Water, and Espresso are sure to satisfy your appetite and sooth your hunger pangs. Medium: Gouache on Paper

PS: Sorry I was gone for so long. I fell into a roiling pit of hedonism and then got dragged through the burning embers of catharsis. I'm back now!