Gallery of the Absurd

Janice Dickinson's New Modeling Job

 

Phrenology was a popular 19th century "science" believed to accurately predict personality and character traits by studying the size and shape of the skull. No phrenologist office was complete without a ceramic phrenology head, and soon no 21st century plastic surgery office will be without the Janice Dickinson Cosmetic Plastic Surgery bust. This useful new tool allows surgeons to explain all available cosmetic procedures to their patients before they undergo the knife. It's made of durable high density polymer and includes most every cosmetic surgery procedure currently available. If you're considering cosmetic plastic surgery, now you can see what your results might look like...and you just might think twice.

This Gallery of the Absurd illustration appears the cover of Janice Dickinson's book "Everything About Me Is Fake...And I'm Perfect".

"Supermodel Janice Dickinson tackles the perils of looking perfect, debunks beauty myths, and offers commonsense advice about looking good cheaply, easily, and on your own terms, while feeling good about yourself no matter what."         

Put down your Kierkegaard and buy Janice's book immediately! You know you want to.

A special thank you to .net Magazine for the interview with 14. Read it here.

 

My first book cover.

The Man-Eating Party Panda

The Lohan Party Panda can be found roaming the hottest clubs across New York, Las Vegas and Hollywood. Quite often, it can also be spotted in various hospital emergency rooms. This lusty little red panda has an enormous appetite for the male species and is a highly skilled predator. The Party Panda's natural enemy is the Paris Hilton Ass Ostrich and one may observe their warring behavior documented inside the pages of The Glossy Field Guide to Hollywood Animals. Medium: Ink and acrylic on paper, Latin phrase by Michael K. Illustration done for Animal Magazine

The Truth Behind Starlet Crotch Photos

We're pleased to report that these young ladies are simply wearing Karl Lagerfeld's sizzlingly sexy new line of lingerie - Seductive Baboon. Lagerfeld noticed striking similarity between the mating behavior of the female baboon and that of certain free-wheeling Hollywood starlets and was inspired to create a line of underwear that resembles the swollen ass of a baboon.  We know, it's hard to tell the difference, but that's where Lagerfeld's genius is apparent. Sexy, no? Karl shares his insight with us:

We adore the Paris Hilton version of Seductive Baboon underwear! They even have a little pocket sewn on so that "Crabby" has a dark place to hide when there's too much sunlight disturbing him.  Folks, there's no longer any need to gouge out your eyeballs after you see yet another photo of Hilton's crotch...rest assured, she's wearing Seductive Baboon. Available at fine stores everywhere.