Gallery of the Absurd

These Boots Were Made For Hopping

The Jessica Simpson Dingbat Frog can be found hopping around Hollywood in search of a suitable mate. It can be identified by its large chest spilling out of low cut tops and also by its habit of wearing silly boots. The disturbing croak of the Dingbat Frog has been recorded on CD and is available for purchase. A distinguishing characteristic of the Dingbat Frog is its enormous rubbery mouth which is often kept agape. This allows the frog to feed on cash flies buzzing around lucrative endorsement deals such as Proactive Acne Solution, Pizza Hut Cheesy Bites, clip-on hair, accessories and cosmetics. This concludes the series of "Celebimals" commissioned by Animal magazine. Medium: Ink and acrylic on paper, Latin phrase by Michael K.

 

TomKat's Fairy Tale Wedding

Jack Tom and the Beanstalk. Congratulations Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes and little Suri. Medium: Graphite, ink, digital color. Thanks Tony and Kerri. UPDATE:  Congrats on the divorce!

Julia Roberts Is Flawed

Julia Roberts suffered recently from one of the tabloids' most poisonous darts of shame, the dreaded yellow arrow. She got all dressed up and went out to a big Hollywood shinding in honor of her pal George Clooney. A week later, her photos appear in the tabloids with each flaw lovingly pointed out. Star magazine yellow arrows the scrap heap pile of metal nestled in the cavities lurking deep inside her capacious mouth. Star also flung another yellow arrow at the large mole popping out near her cleavage. In Touch yellow arrowed Julia's slightly bulging tummy and then added the headline Julia Looks Pregnant! I wonder if she wishes she stayed home that night? Which Hollywood celebrity will be next in line to suffer the yellow arrow of shame? Find out in our next episode.

Nicole Richie: Hollywood Wildlife

 

Nicole Richie is reportedly seeking treatment to find out "why she can't gain weight". While we're happy she's finally taking care of her health, we wonder if she'll still make headlines once she returns to a less shocking size. If she's not a walking skeleton in a baggy size 0 bikini, will she still appear on the glossy covers of tabloids? If she's at a healthy weight, will the paparazzi still stalk her for the elusive money shot of Nicole consuming food? Will fervent speculation and scandal continue with sordid tales of drug use, eating disorders and collapsing in night clubs? Oh well, whether Nicole is skinny or not, she'll always look like a pygmy marmoset. That's not such a bad thing. Medium: Ink and acrylic on paper. This illustration appeared in the Animal magazine feature "Celebimals". Concept and Latin name by dlisted's Michael K.