Rachael Ray: Perky Demented Food Chipmunk

While shopping a few weeks ago I noticed Rachael Ray's perpetually perky face plastered all over the place. There she was on magazine covers, books, packages of culinary knives, and most troubling of all, a box of Ritz Crackers. That night, after my Rachael Ray overload, I went online to try and understand how/why she had become so frighteningly ubiquitous. When I came across her recipes for Hotdog Salad and Sangria on a Stick while perusing her website, my fear only intensified. Later that night, I awoke with a terrible jolt after having a nightmare about a giant evil-grinned Rachael Ray chipmunk trying to force me to taste her latest 30-minute recipe "Velveeta Cheese Pie with Triscuit Cracker Crust". YUM-O!

Whether you're a fan of Rachael Ray or not, she's become a trusted brand of numbing mass consumption and you're just going to have to get used to her happy little chipmunk face staring back at you from nearly every product under the sun. Medium: Ink with digital color. UPDATE! Rachael Ray's new name is Racial Ray. Acording to TMZ, she drank too much wine at dinner and started spewing hateful remarks. The chipmunk is rabid.

Comments

[craig]

I can not believe this website and how it is just based on jealousy and hatred. Rachel Ray is an awesome person and a thousand times more kind hearted than this website creator is.

[Roger M.]

There's a place & time for EVERYTHING but showing your little "BOOBS" on the Food Network is NOT the place OR time!!!

I'm sorry, I'm a man and let's be honest, Rachel Ray really needs to keep her shirt...ON...!!!
Watching her show about 90 percent of her little boobs on a Food Network show in the middle of July 2008 was more then I could stomach, I have to say here...I kind of lost my appetite!! Like I mentioned already, a place & time for everything with little boobs like at home with the wife/girlfriend and licking some Chocolate syrup, strawberries and whipped cream or honey off of the wifes/girlfriends boobs or from most anywhere...yum...yum..!! but on day time TV is way more then anyone should have to watch or stomach!!

Do yourself a favor Miss Ray..."KEEP YOUR SHIRT ON....PLEASE!!!!" Thank You

[tommy b]

Rachel Ray is a blow-job hack. She hasn't even been to culinary school. She was an up-state New York foodie doing 2 min. segments on a local newscast that about 23 people watched on a regular basis. She got her break when the Today show couldn't get an out of town famous chef for a show because of a blizzard. She was the only one stupid enough to drive 10 hours in the storm to fill in. They probably made peanut butter and jelly hotdogs with wasabi mayo. Anyway, after a short period of time on her knees, she copped a regular spot and the rest, unfortunately, is history. Everytime I see this twat I just want to jump through the TV screen and shove an apple in her mouth to silence her. Jesus H. Christ!! My main fear is that I will wake up in the middle of the night and this bitch will be standing over my bed, garbage bowl in hand, shrieking at me about how she plans to insult yet another ethnic group with her twisted interpretations of one of their dishes.

[?]

i think he or she stinks like a camel and spits like a camel from?

[breeze]

I just wanna make love to her. Deep long strokes and hear her whisper in my ear yum-o

[yneisha]

Wats up neisha dis is neisha i dont no wat dis is but its something that u might need. And u need 2 get bak 2 that fuckin work 2 hoe so u can get an a 4 da 1th t ime

[Ally]

I'm a good home cook who loves to work with fresh veggies, lean protein and few carbs. Aside from objecting to Rachael Ray's obsessive self-promotion and overly caffeinated so-called personality, I have a really hard time with her fat and calorie-laden recipes. They just named this woman the national protector of children's nutrition (forget the exact title)! As the aunt of a teen who fights the weight battle constantly, I feel sickened at the thought of Rachael Ray monitoring healthy eating. That's like putting a cat in charge of your pet guinea pigs. This woman's idea of making a low-carb healthy take on Cobb Salad was to add steak, without getting rid of the bacon, to the chicken, then to take away those boring old greens (duh, that's what makes it a salad, you bimbo!) for a handful of arugula. I love arugula, but you still need the healthy greens. She proceeded to use tons of tomatoes, which should only be consumed in 1/2 c. portions when watching your carb intake. I'm all for food for the people, but you need to know what the hell you're talking about. Today, I saw her slather EVOO on oven fries, which she baked at 500 degrees. The latest studies show olive oils should never be cooked at temperatures higher than 350 degrees, for fear of releasing carcinogenic compounds. This behavior is downright dangerous. Use peanut or safflower oils instead. Her burgers on the same episode weighed in at a hefty 1/2 lb. and were slathered with several full-fat cheeses. She babbled on about how she munches these mega-burgers as she runs around the house, then grabs handsful of oven-fries, too. Again, health practitioners tell people who are trying to lose weight to sit down and savor each bite of smaller portions. I have yet to see RR concoct one healthy dish. Aside from that, there is the taste issue. I tried several of her recipes given to me by a friend, who is an RR maven, and they all sucked. I had to throw them away, thereby wasting the expensive fresh ingredients that I could have put together in a far tastier way in one of my own recipes.

[Allen Riley]

Lady, you need help! How can anyone NOT like a person like Rachel Ray?

[Rebeca Reightw]

Is very sad to read comments like this. You really sounds as womens that doesnt have a life. How can you be like this? Only if you sad life let you.
Get a life!!

[Bootylicious]

Hate and bitch all you want!

While at the same time Rachel Ray is at home with that joker grin on her face and laughing while counting her shitload of money. LOL!

P.S. I'd rather watch 24-hours of RR than that skank semi-ho Sandra Lee.

[ellea]

Funny how all her fans share one brain - and not a very big one at that. Arguments like "you're jeluss" and "get a life" are actually among the most inteligent ones. She tells them to BAKE peanut butter and they do. She tells them that FRIED ANCHOVY PASTE and LEMON ZEST smells NUTTY (not fishy at all!) and they believe her. Armed with bottles of pepto, x-lax, tums and - i suspect - a fistful of xanax, - they will follow her to hell. I guess that's what star-f***king is about, but what I dont understand is how she managed to become one. I'm not telling she cannot have her own cooking show - I've seen worse, and some of her ideas may even help certain ppl - those who understand cooking and know exactly how to fix her dishes so they can be consumed safely. RR is a product, nothing more - she's a living breathing replica of the bottle of EVOO, - created, advertised, marketed and sold to the public, and she's not the only one. She IS overexposed, but she seem to have forgotten the reason WHY.
She's not a genius. Her "personality" is as generic as a bottle of store-brand aspirin. But she's taking herself too seriously, and consequently, her fans follow. Once again - it would be pretty harmless, we all have had our share of crushes on movie stars, musicians, ect, - but the problem with this one is that she believes she's teaching us something useful when in fact she just improvises with nothing to back it up, and I'm sure she haven't tried half of her retchepies herself, she just pulls them out of her... well, i hope it's her head. She really believes she deserves all that fame... so for her, there's no need for improvement, i mean, she's alreadfy selling chopped hot dogs as dinner options. This type of over-pimped mediocrity is actually dangerous. And as her popularity grows, i recommend you invest in pepto-bismol stock, smth tells me it's about to rise :)

p.s. sorry for spelling errors, bum keyboard, one too many beers :)

[Spitfire]

"Bee,

I forgot to say I fucking love it when black people make observations about white people on Hollywood gossip blogs! That is some fucking funny ass shit!!!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What's fucking funnier is your ASS-umption that a "black person made the observations" but then again you're on a blog trashing someone whose obviously talented/smarter than you....think about that!

[Miltown]

I attempted to watch my very first RR show today, but I couldn't listen to that voice for more than a few seconds without turning the damn thing off. The sheer ugliness of it distracted me from understanding the recipes she was trying to put together. Is she on drugs? Or just drinking very potent coffee? What drives this woman? What inner demon possesses her to do this?

[the one]

you all need to stop haten!rachel ray is a grate person!i love to watch her shows!!!if you have nothing better to do then say shit about other ppl to make your life feel better then you need to change something in your life!

[the real tony]

Oh, man! THANK YOU! This has made my day. I can't open my cupboard for ANYTHING and not see that obnoxious little chipmunk face EVERYWHERE.

You should put her in a little Alvin & The Chipmunks type outfit--a nice turtleneck!

At least she's not on my beer...yet.

[Harvey Kuenn]

Rachel Ray has got a smokin' hot ass. I'd love to bend her over and do her doggie style after she sucked my @%&! and said Yum-O.

[Steven]

I am sorry I don'r very understand ,why you all so amazed by this funny picture,could somebody like to explain the background of it? Tks a lot!

[msfanni]

She watched way too much Punky Brewster growing. Sometimes I like to picture her in rainbow toe socks and suspenders.

[browsertrout]

Just some branding trivia:
Remember Chef-Boy-R-Dee?

"The Vienna Boys Sausage" was a product popularized during a time period when charitable fund raising often involved "canned meat drives". In this case, the non-perishable sausages raised operating capital for the Viennna Boys Choir.

The Nixon administration ruled that the product's name was immoral and should be changed to 'Vienna Sausage".

In addition, the description "packed in water" was also removed from the label.
Early in ex-senator Tom Delay's political career, as an early expression of his alignment with the religious right.

An executive summaryissued by then press secretary, Ron Ziegler was entitled

"Moral Imperative removes 'Boys packed in water'".

Hope this helps.

[...]

P.S. "Racial Ray" -- LMFAO!

[...]

I've never watched the show but am familiar with her -- she's on SO many print ads.

I found it interesting how differently the two pieces reflect Rachael's eyes... the smile is such an easy target! At first I thought the first picture was right on... then I realized the second one really got that wonk-eye.

I also read that she's had some work done although I never saw her "before" pictures...

[Mari]

You all are just jealous because she is getting rich off of stupid stuff, like evoo and crackers and her wisecracking smile, she's smiling all the way to the bank.

[smallerdemon]

You know, I like Wheat Thins. Love 'em. But there was Rachel Ray on the front. I found a box that didn't have her on it. *whew* As I was walking home I started thinking about writing Nabisco and asking for a .50 refund on my Wheat Thins because I know that they probably paid her a mint for using her squashed up chipmunk face on their products, and frankly, I'd rather have a box of cheaper Wheat Thins than a box with her face on it.

[Elizabeth Green]

I think she needed this to realize she has to calm it down. he voice is pretty annoying but she is a talented cook..kinda. i dont like her and shes a porn star. did you know that? thats why her voice is so horse. hah.

[LegalEagle]

Um the so called comments were alleged to have come from a December 3 2005 gathering.

Now being as speedy with the gossip as TMZ and others are WHY was this NEVER reported BEFORE????

BECAUSE sadly it never happened. Oh what a treat it would have been HAD this gone down...but...sigh...alas it is all a lie from someone that must be PO'd with RacRay.

Pity...it would have given her some edge and street cred.

But RacRay is just one of those annoyingly perky twits that we are doomed to see until the next one comes along....

[Frisky Shadowridge]

Ninjarina, I happen to like peanut butter and Ramen noodles (just not necessarily together), but many people who are allergic to peanuts can have a serious attack just by coming into contact with traces of peanut oil (i.e, an allergic child is exposed after touching a surface that bears the oil left by a child who had eaten peanut products and gotten it on his/her fingers and thats mainly why I thought her recipe/presentation sucked.

Hope you were able to lose the freshman fifteen you must have gained by eating that mess.

[Ninjarina]

Dang, there is some serious RR hate here. If you don't like her overexposure, turn off your TV. I mean I don't like her talk show so I don't watch it.

I like the concepts that she uses (i.e. garbage bowl, wash/prepare your fresh veggies/herbs at the beginning of the week, etc.) even if I don't necessarily like her food/personality/voice.

And $40 a day is a good show, minus her horrible tipping; I watched a few of them and they do actually give good tips like eating at a local cooking school b/c they do 2 for 1 lunches on certain days or eating at [dive] Asian joints. It's always a good alternative to learn about some local places as opposed to depending on omnipresent McDonalds or Taco Bell.

And screw you Frisky - I love eating peanut butter with my ramen. You'd be surprised how many college students do that. That and the peanut dipping sauce you get satay skewers at most Thai places is usually just some spiffed up form of watered down peanut butter. I feel bad for the kids that can't eat it but don't go knocking peanut butter noodles until you've tried it.

[Alpha Kenny Wun]

@Viper T: On the money, there.

[Viper Tetsu]

Am I the only person who sees the wild and unsettling hilarity of Tex Avery in these Ray-lustrations? God, these are hellishly beautiful.

For a time, Rachel Ray was the girl next door who cooked nifty-sounding dishes. But she's looking more and more like the kinda-cute kid in high school who got adopted by the Popular Kids and ended up becoming a make-up-caked self-parody at the Prom. Overexposure Casserole with vienna sausage sherbet? YUM-O!

[Darius Lesgettam]

To Commenters that just can't figure out why She is popular..... Suuuuuure You can't. I make during Her show.... and that ain't Cucumber Dressing !

[Frisky Shadowridge]

RR is untalented, uninspiring, annoying, and absolutely of no interest to me (my husband had to explain what the fuck EVOO was), but I did watch her Oprah (ka-ching) backed show one day when I was home from work and too sick to reach for the remote control. Not only did the stupid bitch talk incessantly (either about herself or explaining EVERY move she was making in the kitchen "now I'm going to take my tongs and put them on the counter. I'll wipe my hands on my apron and go over to the sink" blah, blah, blah) so much so my head was ready to explode, but she then proceded to make so-called kid friendly bento box school lunches, including some kind of faux sesame noodles using peanut butter. So many schools ban peanut products due to the increase in peanut allergies among children that her recipe is not only unappetizing and impractical, but dangerous. I give her credit for being smart enough to get her $$ while she's still being bankrolled by Oprah. Get those endorsement deals while you can - you're no Julia Childs (or Martha Stewart for that matter).

Frisky

[JulesinSD]

14, I didn't know who she was until last weekend when I saw a clip of her on some show about entertainment on “$40 bucks or less”. She proceeded to order the cheapest thing on the menu, talk with food in her mouth, point at the camera using her knife (while still eating)and then leave a cheap ass tip for her waiter! Absolutely zero class and totally annoying!

[Wes]

Absolutely brilliant! I simply don't understand how anyone can like her. You definitely have to do one which makes fun of those ridiculously tight shirts she wears to turn herself into a "B-" from an "A+".

[AgentOrange]

I though that Kelly Ripa was the perky demented chipmunk.

[Herb Sewell]

LOL @ "Jesus Penis" !!

[Bwana Don]

Rachel Ray used to be cute. Now that she has been annointed by Oprah (a la Dr. Phil) to run a cooking media empire, she's just damned obnoxious.

[Demon Kitty]

Bee,

I forgot to say I fucking love it when black people make observations about white people on Hollywood gossip blogs! That is some fucking funny ass shit!!!

[Amy]

I Love you thank you ... my exact thoughts, its like you were reading my mind...

[Damien]

God she must have the publicist from hell or something, I mean wow that girl is everywhere.
What the hell is a Vienna sausage?

[Kai]

We love you too, deanna.

You all inspired me to go to the store and buy some Hebrew National kosher dogs. I will get back to you with some good recipes.

As I was on my way to the store, I realized my goal in life- I want to be the anti-RR. My meals will be kosher and vegetarian friendly, but very easy to make. I'll have a show called "Eating with Your Millionaire Parent's Money" which shows you how to spend money at a restuarant with a complete disregard for price (tipping generously, of course). I'll have a cooking show where I wear all black and act moody, and if I forget to take my meds I'll come out and sit in a chair under a single spotlight and strum pensively on a guitar. My catchphrase will be "BWC- that's beer, wine, and champagne- the essential beverages." If something goes wrong with my cooking I'll curse loudly and storm off the set. Will my image replace her on every cracker box? Yes, and I plan to wear a variety of outfits, with coordinating yarmulkes of course. It'll be great.

Demon Kitty and deanna, you two should meet in a coffee shop somewhere and chat while scaring the people nearby. It'd be great.

שָלוֹם

[Morrigan]

Deanna,

Sorry...can't stomach vienna sausages. I was hoping for some non icky hotdog methods of cooking (for the Hebrew National brand I bought yesterday). If I don't like 'em I'll use 'em for kitty treats (Morrigan's kitty monsters are super-spoiled), but I can't stand boiling 'em and it's too cold to use the grill.

I used to eat all sorts of stuff...then I went to college and roomed with an Ag major who delighted in telling me all the disgusting stuff that went into food.

Yeah ...too much info I know! This was supposed to be about Rachel Ray, but turned into a 'food' conversation. Primarily because the hub had surgery, and he was the chef of the family, I'm trying to fill his size 13's but it's sorta difficult, and I know he'll sooner eat the cat food than vienna sausages. hehehehe

[Michelle]

In response to the person asking about her disposition off camera, word on the street is she is a self-absorbed, nasty, chain-smoking bitch.

[deanna]

Uhmm morrigan, try those vienna sausages with whole wheat crackers and hot sauce. if you're feeling risky dip em' in mayo(ick) or mustard.

and dave, yes we women are very much jealous of each other as you can visit the blog every week for the sole purpose to reseach this phenomenon of jealously among/between women. let me remind you your reseach will prove nothing but it may or may not support your hypothesis. To get you started your hypothesis will sound something like this:

h1: women criticize other women only when they feel jealous
h2: women do not criticize other women only when they feel jealous.

now keep in mind dave, one of the hypothesis will have to be rejected. this is why you must have two. of course you will need to plan how to go about setting up your reseach, obtaining a large enough sample size, devoloping a research instrument(questionnaire with some validity) background data etc.

now that i have done my volunteer work for the congnitively challanged, i wish you best of luck as you move forward towards something other than that statement.

deanna
ps nothing but love for kai

[Tora]

Rachel Ray is a self proclaimed Cook, not a Chef. Her perkiness keeps people awake and entertained during morning television. I watch her on occasion but her voice does grate on you after a while. I prefer watching Martha Stewart which is on at the same time.
Rachel, Emeril, and Bobby Flay have so many TV shows on at food Network that it makes you wonder if the other show hosts get jealous? Giada De Lorentis has a new show going on which is very similar to Alton Brown's and the Deen Boys. Where's the originality?
I'd rather watch perky blonde Sandra Lee anytime with her catchy phrase," wait until you see my tablescape!"
Everyone has to have a catch phrase, right?

[Noelegy]

This one made me laugh out loud. You've truly captured her, although I think it's the "Happy Snack!" that really made me giggle.

Vienna Sausages...that brings back some memories. Truly nasty little things. My little brother adored them as a toddler. My late grandmother always pronounced the word as "VYE-enna."

[fetegirl]

Oh sweet Jesus cracker! (well, Ritz cracker). 14 - genius and far too long coming. But would have been sooooo fabby to focus on her crazy meat-hook man hands and bee-sting boobs. Or how about the insane weight fluctuations, paired with the new streaky highlights and blinding white veneers.

Yes, yes, the same crazy body shirt and black jeans every. Single. Show. Scary scary scary!

And yes, can't bitch leave a tip? On "$40/Day", she basically eats in some rancid diner for breakfast, some touristy yet "local" place for lunch, tours a vineyard or beer/bourbon factory for free booze and eats really strange vittles for dinner.

She could be in Boise, Portland, Richmond, etc. You cannot tell anything of the local flavor from where she eats.

[Galen]

It is so obvious most of these comments are from members of the community RRSUX. This web-site was started by Misty Lane. I do like RR, however I am not obsessed. The
community which (if you read any interviews with Misty);states they are of like mind and are annoyed with RR cooking, hands flying around, her voice, etc.. These people are entitled to their opinion, and I do agree with some of the things they say. I just do not care for anybody, making fun of the deceased i.e. RR deceased Grandfather, her dog,Boo.. They also really focus on RR's weight. So, you can imagine my surprise, when I saw a picture of Misty Lane. She is overweight. And that is all I am going to say, I will not be as unkind as they are. I have not read any entries in which Misty has critized RR weight. But many of the members make fun of RR's weight. Getting back to comments of RR grandfather; the comments may be made because RR speaks so often of her grandfather and her first dog. That is probably what really bothers them. It just seems so cruel to make comments about the departed, even if it is in jest.

[Morrigan]

Kai: I'll give them a try. Any serving suggestions? (please no 'hot dog salad' LOL

[Demon Kitty]

Dear Kai,

Click here to see what Vienna Sausage is. It is the most unkosher food anyone could ever put in their mouth. Don't worry about revealing too much of yourself, I always talk about my Lexapro on this site ...

and Deanna, I used to worship the phallus before I began to whistle in the dark. I lost my taste for it, just like I lost my taste for Vienna sausage. It is possible to be educated in Mississippi and learn a few "big" words. I mean - there really is nothing else to do there besides read.

[Davehater]

Dave--who makes it too damn easy for me, seriously--is obviously privy to the innermost thoughts of all women.

Women only criticize when "jealous"; and the Internet is just chock full of "jealous" women criticizing. Look as hard as you can, though, and you won't find a single nasty comment made by a bepenised person anywhere in blogland, in newsgroups, on message boards, on websites, or in journals.

Ladies, have the grace to look ashamed. And do try to be more like a man.
Just sayin'.