Paris Hilton: Jail Bird

The Jail Bird is squawking mad because she thinks her prison sentence is "cruel and unfair". She refuses to take responsiblity for driving under the influence or for driving with a suspended license. The Jail Bird is very lucky she didn't kill someone when she drunkenly swerved her Mercedes into the In-n-Out Burger drive thru late one night.That would be "cruel and unfair". The Jail Bird believes she's above the law because of "who she is" and continues to blame others for her mistake. The Jail Bird is sure to be extremely unpopular in the Century Regional Detention Facility and will have to watch her back at all times. She faces being preyed upon by "very masculine lesbians" and even worse, won't be allowed to wear makeup or touch up her dark roots. The Jail Bird will spend 45 pensive nights sleeping on a thin stained mattress and a scratchy old wool blanket. I think it will do her a world of good. Medium: graphite on paper, digital color.

Comments

[MelA]

I hope she really goes. I keep thinking I'm going to flip thru the channels soon to find out she had it appealed. I'll be so sad...

Can you believe these people who started the freeparis.org site? Almost as funny as this work of art.

[Alice's Wonderland]

Very wry there, but this lesbian would be utterly disgusted to touch this one with a ten-foot pole, dildo, or Czech.

[Narcissa]

PLEASE make this into a T-shirt. It is by far the most accurate rendition of Herpes Hilton that I have seen thus far.

Seriously. Make it into a T shirt. I would buy one for sure and wear it with pride. We could even send one to that loathsome creature, Kathy Hilton.

[Frisky]

Poor, poor, pathetic Paris, it's always "woe is me" when things don't go her way. The rest of us have to pay the price for our mistakes and we usually don't have a team of lawyers or PR people working to get us out of it. Grow up and deal with it... welcome to the real world bitch.

[Melanie]

Absolutely awesome - the genital warts, the wonky eye, the nose....

[Peta]

After I heard that she and her hoard are trying to get the Governator to pardon her, I was wondering if you had any plans to do a follow-up. Honestly, you'd think she was being shipped to Death Row what with the way she's acting. If we have to suffer yet another season of The Simple Life, she can flipping well do 45 days in lockdown.

[Kathy-NH]

I have two teenage daughters--we live in a small town in NH-we make a decent living-more than most in town- at what point don't the rules apply my children.

[Marie]

Oh man...ouch! You so bad. Hee hee!!

Okay, so those of us here are not shedding any tears for Paris. But I cannot believe how many people remain in support of her(?!). I guess, I'm shocked she can possibly still have any "fans." But then I'm still perplexed that anybody is still rooting for Britney.

[Demon Kitty]

You know, anyone of us, anyone of us, would have our lives completely destroyed by doing what Paris has done. If she were a poor Mexican, a poor black person, or white trash, they would lock her ass up and she'd get fucked in all directions. The woman has such disdain for all the rules that apply to the human race. She should really go to jail and experience the consequences of her actions. What if she killed someone? This bitch needs to go to jail.

[trilbynhiss]

I've been waiting impatiently for your interpretation, and you didn't disappoint! Well done, you.

[Ll]

Thought I'd inform all Paris Hilton lovers (taste sarcasm) of this petition, attempting to counter the 'save paris' petition.

http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/DN_FREE_PARIS

[Infrared Lost]

How about THE BIRD LADY OF ALCATRAZ?

[LP]

14, great work! Pimply butt & all. What a nerve of this woman (yes, imagine 26 years old?) & her enabling family. From the moment Paris recorded her sex session to this point of diving under some sort of substance. What an embarrassment and really a WAKE-UP call for Ms. Hilton. Just on PCH last month, there was an awful accident caused by someone "driving under the influence" that instantly killed a film producer and his son. They never had a chance as they were hit head-on (the drunk who hit them, crossed over to oncoming traffic thus hitting the father & sons car). This could have been avoided by just hiring a taxi, limo etc. Paris & Nicole (let's all remember Nicoles driving on the wrong side of the 101 fwy only a few months back while on some drug) need to be in rehab or some program. Truly, this group of celebrities are just a bunch of train-wrecks just waiting to happen. Oh and to "Mr. or Ms. Anonymous", you forgot to add your first name...Alcoholic.

[DonnaJEM]

Love love love the melting face, and as always, her trademark wonky eye.

The be-warted butt takes the cake though.

[Marcela]

You really 'capture' the essence of all this issue. And to be 'fair'...she MUST go to jail!...Fair is fair!
Congrats to you!

[Candice]

I think it would make me (and perhaps tons of other people) a small fraction less bitter and cynical if she *gasp!* actually had to deal with the consequences of her actions.

[German]

Pure dead brilliant. You rule!!

[Nanners]

Are you God? Where can I build a shrine to you?

[Miss Priss]

14 you're too funny.
As I was reading crap about Paris-ite I suddenly realized I hadn't checked your website for any Paris Hilton Jail related work...and as soon as I went in your website, the first thing I see is wonk eye with her signature beak-nose and butt acne!!!
HAHAHA...Hilarious. Keep up the good work.

[Thorne Smith]

Bwa-ha-ha-ha! I love it! Great work 14! I especially love the pimple-puff bottom. I may make it a point to write Paris every week, making sure to enclose a copy of your artwork to her. I've heard the inmates get jealous at those who get lots of mail.

Oh, this is sweet!

[Karen]

Seeing the small jail cell in the news just made me lol and lol. This just made my day. Awesome work as usual.

[jerkygirl]

To 14: Brilliant, as always!!! But, I'm curious--why did you draw her feet exactly as they are in real life? Couldn't you have distorted them just a little? Not that I'm complaining. . . ;)

To Paris: I sincerely hope you learn something in women's prison. And not how to correctly shank a ho, either.

To Kai: I just love you. You said it perfectly. :)

To anonymous "sounds like a bitter alky who has to take the bus now cuz'a them dang unfair DUI laws" : What Kai said.

[Peta]

Listening to her and her mother bitch and moan about her 'unfair' sentence was priceless. What was even more priceless was her gaggle of silly fans who also proclaimed the judgement as 'playing to the mob'. Sure. I'm guessing that goes for the thousands of non-millionaire celebutante folks serving time for DUI as well.

I think you gave her a much nicer behind than she has in real life, even with the unsightly bumps. She better show her gratitude!

[E]

Wonk eye ....check
Clownish mouth....check
Freakishly large feet....check
Over-plucked brows....check
Herpes sores....check
Butt proffered up to new "roommate"....check

14, you always make my day!

[deanna1104]

damn it, you stole my idea demon k.
i too would like to see dirty brown roots, brown eyes, and pressing wrinkles on the forehead without the botox intervention. i soo much love the furry feathered, hairless, herpe-leisoned buttocks representation of the wonky bird... that's hot. it warms my cockles this sweet little creature has been forbidden from doing her time down in the fullerton correctional center. according to the ny times article published on 4/29/07, this is no joke, for $75-$127 per night women who have been charged with minor misdemeanors and ordered to serve time can opt to pay for their stay. included in the daily charge, each guest will enjoy the privacy of her suite/cell(accented in pink and white) with access to a laptop, ipod, and a cellphone. the suites have normal doors with open access to the hallways and other facilities. apparently there are also menu options for those guests who are finicky eaters. the orange jumpsuit has been replaced by clothes brought from home... damn p-hizzy it seems like the motherfudger-shut-yo-mouth sitting on the bench did a major hater job on you... so sorry p-dog... with your hopes of getting a suite at the fullerton correctional center being shot to hell, the only thing left to hope for is that when you leave you're vagina won't be hangin' like "the sleeve of a wizard" according to Borat. sorry for hating so hard.

[Sarah]

LMAO!!!

[nicole]

as always, you never fail to leave me impressed. excellent job capturing the wonkiness of the first lady of lady valtrex!

[Steve]

Hilarious!

A ball and chain might be nice too ...

Are they going to make a reality show about her jail experience?

[Kai]

Oooo anonymous... way to wipe the grin right off my face. Here I was enjoying the square face, the pimply ass, the expression of discontent on Paris's bird-like face, the "princess" attire, and then anonymous has to get all political here. I don't know MADD and their agenda very well other than they want to stop death and injuries caused by drunk driving. I say that's a very good idea. I lost my parents to a drunk truck driver. Now, not everyone who gets in the car drunk will hit someone or something. They may get home fine and curl up in bed. No one knows. We shouldn't have to wait for someone to hit something. Everyone knows the chances they're taking by getting in the car drunk. Choosing to do it anyway says you don't care who or what you destroy. Just last week I almost got run over by a car full of drunk girls on the way back from a party held at my neighbor's house. Luckily, I'm quick on my feet. So you're defending drunk drivers? Wow. No wonder you prefer to remain anonymous.

Feh, anonymous! Feh!

(Your enraged token Jewish commenter)

[Pablo Vazquez]

hahaha AMAZING

[Demon Kitty]

I can't wait to see what she looks like without the hair extensions, the fake spray on orange tan, and the blue contacts? I wonder if she will be allowed to wear here blue contacts in prison or maybe they might make her wear glasses. I am looking forward to the roots too. Please let this happen, please let her go to jail!!!!!! She should have gotten a longer sentence!!!

[Morrigan]

Shaking with laughter-induced tears here. 14, you did not disappoint! Thanks for this beautiful vision of the ugliest jailbird!

I'm glad your weekend sailing inspired this!

[midevil]

The only thing missing is a bit of infected drainage...

[anonymous]

agreed - paris hilton sucks. but what sucks more are the inane and machiavellan laws regarding driving while intoxicated that are all thanks to wacko radical-right-wing organizations like MADD that would rather us reinstate prohibition. people make mistakes and just because some politician establishes a legal BAC as "intoxicated" doesn't actually mean that on a case by case basis that the person driving was endangering anyone.

[LK]

I tried to guess what you'd come up with, and missed completely; Your's is PRICELESS & too funny! Great job 14! I also like the funny video VH1 did on a day in the life of Paris (including jail time). Once again, great job!

[Chansmom]

Once again, you're on top of it. I couldn't wait to drop in today after reading about poor Paris going to the slam.

I hope she likes Bologna sandwiches, from what I've read, she'll be eating plenty of them. I have no sympathy for her, the law applies to her scrawny butt too. LOL!

[RD]

Beautiful. It brought a tear to my eye.

[WTF]

Too funny. Love your work.

[Mr. Besilly]

The wonky eye combined with the phallic nose is just to much to endure. LOL! What a sad jail bird she is. Now get that thing marinated and into the oven. Nice work!

[Tim]

Now she'll have the chance to REALLY look like Kilroy - looking over the prison wall.

That's hot.

[Jenn F.]

14, that picture is so funny! The little spots all over her butt always make me laugh. And the jewellery (complete with tiara) combined with prison stripes is classic.

It's so blatantly obvious that Paris never imagined that she could end up in this situation. She seems to have always thought that her name and "celebrity" status would always save her from having to face any serious consequences. The first time she got pulled over for driving with a suspended license, the cop made her sign a warning claiming that she understood why she was pulled over, and that if she was caught driving again, she'd be in far deeper shit. She later said, "I just sign whatever people put in front of me. I'm a very busy person." This proves how little thought she gave the warning, and the fact that she considered it unworthy of her concern. Clearly he wasn't asking for her fucking autograph. She just never imagined it would be taken this far, and that she might have to face actual jail time like the rest of us.

The fact that she is so shocked is insulting to us mere mortals ~ why in the world should she deserve different or better treatment? She should consider herself lucky that she'll be kept away from the general population of the prison, due to her high profile. That's going to make her experience about a thousand times easier than anyone else that gets thrown in there. It's just impossible to feel sorry for her on this one... she made her bed, now she has to lie in it. Besides, this is just going to somehow make her more popular down the road... bet you ten to one that she'll find some way to benefit from this financially and socially once it's all behind her, if she even does end up serving the whole thing. I certainly hope she does... only because she clearly needs to shake that sense of holy entitlement. Never has it been more true... pride comes before the fall!

[MJ]

Blaahaaaaaaaaaaaaa

The feeth
The infested butt
The wonky eye
The negative nose
The square head!

lol

[mellen]

Heh! Love the butt. All pimpley. And the painted toe nails, I mean, Claws.

[maria]

AMAZING! As always! I'm such a big fan of your work!

[Erica Rush]

You should have made her ass flater. She doesn't have one at all. She sorta has a Sharpei wrinkle, and that's about it. You did her way more justice than her skanky ass deserves.

[trick please]

Brilliant! Just brilliant-down to the last wart.

But we know she won't be spending ANY time in jail.

[JJ]

awesome! love your work! she deserves everything that she gets from this whole court ordeal. hopefully her appeals will be ignored and she spends the 45 days. and her mother is atrocious. has that family no shame whatsoever???

[LJ]

I love it!

Every day I wake up remembering that Paris Hilton is going to jail, and it's suddenly a better day than the last!

I'd say that's what the law does to a modern-day Marie Antoinette. But can't help knowing she deliberately did this to herself out of her own stupidity.

[GrossBoss]

You are the Master here :]]]
We love you and my readers too. / as I said before my dear 14/

[despair]

i just love you