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I love it...dont like her though...
She makes herself look dumb all the time, permanent public humiliation!!!


hilarious! a true masterpiece!

Love it!
The gurl needs to close that barn door sized yap once in a while and quit with all the UN-sexy oral contortions... yes, yes Jessica we get it... all your icecream cone licking and popsicle gobbling! UGH! LOL! (her Pimp Papa should be shot, old perv)

hehehe couldnt help but wonder if the purple fog surrounding her hip area is the TUNA GAS she leaves in her wake?


Gee folks - if only we were all as perfect as you lot


I must agree with Dave LaChappelle when he said this fugly egotistical hack is every thing that is wrong with pop culture. She is an embarassment to anyone that is close to her!

Jenn F.

Viper Tetsu, you are a gift. Don't ever leave GOTA.


Oh Lawd!

You can't fight the muse, 14. ;D

Linda Lou

I think the curtains are more scrotal than ass-like. Great work. I hate to admit it, though, but if I were a guy I'd probably be attracted to her too.

Viper Tetsu

Thank God The Star is here to call a spade a spade. This corpulent cow--and all women in Hollywood with the gall to possess real-women curves--should be put into a prison camp. The meal regimen: six Cheerios and a pint of water a day.

Said fatties should be left there until they meet the approval of a panel consisting of tabloid writers, paperazzi, Hollywood PR folks, and former stalag commandants. Upon release, the ex-lardasses would be equipped with ankle bracelets that carefully monitor their weight. If weight gain resumes, then it's time for a visit by the Diet Secret Police.

Fuck Atkins, Weight Watchers, and South Beach. This diet plan'd have 'em all beat to hell...

You are being way too generous. Where is her orange skin color, glassy eyes, pouty attempts at looking sexy and greasy skin?


She can't sing, she can't act, she is getting uglier and more masculine looking every day...when are her 15 minutes up?


Posted by: Salmonella | May 22, 2007 at 09:21 AM

I love the lumpy, ass-like curtain right on top her head, nice touch.

LMAO, I just noticed that...truly an absolutely hilarious portrait, and that was the icing on the cake!


You take anyone's photo from that angle and they would look a little pudgy. I'd probably look like I actually had hips rather than hip bones. :D However, I must admit that Jess has been looking ridiculous lately. I just hope she doesn't go as far into the deep end as Mariah Carey where her wardrobe choices are concerned.


I love the lumpy, ass-like curtain right on top her head, nice touch.

I've never thought of her as fat. This is really one of those situations where you do have to consider the source, Star Magazine? Really.


I always thought that if she closes her mouth once in a while, and get some smaller hair (take out those extensions, girl!), she'd look so much better!


isn't that ALL about what she is? sex, boobs, voluptuous collagen-pumped lips?? take these away and there'd be nothing worth discussing. and if you take a look at her older pre-surgery photos, she was a whale back then. She's had work done to relift her boobs, which hit the ground when she lost weight.

great work btw. don't worry, we're *all* guilty of partaking in the public hanging of celebrities who, come to think of it, really ask for it.


She actually looks better with the darker hair and the extra weight. If only we could convince her not to make such strange facial expressions (like the large open agape looks like a wide mouth bass)


She may have had more 'taste' in clothing at one point in the past, but I still hate her idiotic facial expressions. Urgh!

Loved your take on her, 14. She definitely looks like a plastic-y blow-up doll.


About a month ago someone on DListed mentioned she looked like a blow up doll and ever since then, I've noticed that she EXACTLY DOES.

I haven't seen the Star mag photo but don't worry Jessucka is too stupid to be humiliated and Pimp Daddy is happy for ANY media coverage.


is that a penis mic she's holding!?!?!? hahahaha.


She is such a perfect blow-up doll with the mouth and the boobs - what is with her awful look lately, didn't she used to be pretty tasteful?


LOL! Thanks, 14. I needed that, and you're right, Jessica does look like a blow-up doll. Hee.

Mr. Besilly

A Jessica Simpson blow-up doll? Hmmm... what an interesting idea. You may be onto the-next-big- thing. (microphone and batteries not included)

Demon Kitty

I needed a good laugh 14. The past 3 weeks have been weird ....

My ass could fit in her mouth. The damn microphone looks like a dildo from hell.

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