Jeff Polage Visits The Beach

Jeff Polage and I have collaborated once again. We couldn't make it over to Malibu for beach shots, so we settled for a hotel poolside. Jeff stood shamelessly in his underwear, fumbling and scratching his head cartoon-like as he tried to figure out how to put on the bra. Wannabe starlets teetered about in lucite stripper shoes and tiny bikinis as overly groomed CAA agents conducted power meetings over pina coladas. It was the perfect Hollywood day. Here is a hairy version of Nichole Richie stiffly running down the beach with a puckered grimace.

Wow. This one was a tough shot. I couldn't hold the camera steady because I couldn't stop collapsing into laughter. Jeff has a unique ability to transform his stomach into an enormous pot belly and he kept making funny faces and burping loudly. Simple minds are easily amused, I suppose. Jeff had a good time lampooning Brandon "Greasy Bear" Davis.

Here's an outake photo of Jeff. I'm so glad he's my friend. (Jeff Polage: Actor, Grip, Craft Services 14: Photographer, Art Director, Hair and Makeup, Editor)

Comments

[wundersmack]

Oh, how I love me some Polage! Hysterical as always. Please, please, please keep 'em coming.

[Stuck in AL]

You are so lucky to have Jeff as a friend! I laughed and laughed too, so I guess I'll join you in the "simple mind" club! I wouldn't have it any other way!! :-)

[moonmaid]

14, please, please, please convince Jeff to set up his own website! He would have a million fans, and would probably get many offers to make comedies. He is just too funny. The two of you make inspired comedic art!!

[lucy]

i love love love your site! you're the smartest and funniest, 14!

[Alison]

wow, the brandon davis one is unbelievable. i can't imagine having to take the pictures. i would've died laughing.

[Trixie]

I badly want to date him.

[Natalija]

Every time I see Jeff, I wonder if he's single.

[Mia]

ROFL, amazing! I laughed my ass off, thank you guys!

[alloxphoenix]

omg, he's on imdb..... but DAMN that was some funny shit!!!!!!!!!

[ILSA]

ROTF LMAO!!! Jeff is brilliant! As soon as I saw those pics of Greazy Bear, I spewed my drink across the screen! More Jeff, please! LOL!

[Viper Tetsu]

I'd have given damn near anything to be poolside for this shoot. I can just imagine the sphincters of all of the glitterati in eyeshot constricting to diamond-proscessing tightness at your shenanigans.

Someone give this man his own sitcom, already!

[DonnaJEM]

Oh and Jeff, one more thing regarding the top picture.......nice package.

[amanda]

HAHAHAAHHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHA THIS IS TOO FUNNY ALL 3 ARE REALLY GOOOOOOOOOD!!!!! great way to begin my day HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA

[Demon Kitty]

It just makes me want to know ... what does this man do in his spare time to contort his gut and part of his intestines???????? Haaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!! That gay boy is fucking talented as fuck!!!! The man is a fucking genius and deserves and Oscar. I dare-say, it looks like he is digging his ass into the chair to stick out his gut!! Oh fuck it!!!

Brandon Davis has something on Donald Trump. Brandon Davis' mouth looks like a swollen anus that has taken a beating of sorts .... when I look at his picture and Jeff's, it makes me wonder if Brandon Davis is about to shoot his load. I suppose this is the face Paris and Mischa saw when they were fucking him. Ew!!!!!!!!!!!!! Too bad Jeff didn't imitate Brandon attempting to suck his own tit.

[DonnaJEM]

I about busted a gut looking at these pics. Jeff is hilarious. I'm a little worried about the first picture though. Is he standing in a parking lot? The drive by looks he must have gotten!!
That pic of Nicole is so so scarry. How did she even have the strength to WALK, much less jog down the beach. And the bottom of her suit is just pathetic. I guess it's hard to find a cute bikini in the toddler section of the store.

[2Loquacious]

Made my day!!! Jeff is the bomb. I would LOVE to see more of him, but it might be dangerous. Think of all the people who might die of apoplectic fits of laughter.

[deanna1104]

damn but that nicole aint the funniest thing i've seen in a long time. damn the camera, damn the lights, damn the action.

[Melody]

that is the funniest thing I've seen in awhile. Laughed out loud for quite some time.

[LegalEagle]

Absolutely Priceless......Greasy Bear is my fav!

[Frisky]

Jeff is certainly talented and these parodies are too funny, but it's a real testament to Jeff's likability that he can't make himself as gross as greasy bear even with the greatest efforts! P.S. In the Nicole parody Jeff's banana hammock needs to be way looser - maybe tuck n tape next time.

[buzzgirl]

Oh, how I wish Jeff was my friend, too!

He cracks my shit up!

[Sarah]

AHAHAHAHAHAHAH OOOOHHHH SWEET BABY JESUS... this guy is puuuure gold AHAHA.. i'm sitting here at work and i can't stop laughing... i'm gonna get in trouble.. THANKS BUDDY!!!

[Lia]

This made me laugh so freaking hard. Perfect.

[Ruff]

he's hot

[Katie.]

HAHAHA.

[Heather]

Laugh out loud funny. My co-workers wanted to know what was going on...the impressions Jeff does are great!

[Dianne]

Yikes! Viewing these photos made me sort of laugh and throw up a little at the same time.

I wish Jeff was my friend; I bet he's the life of the party!

[Chansmom]

I have a crush on Jeff! :) He's too funny and so cute! Great work you two!

Here's hoping in the very near future we can say, we knew you and Jeff when.

[fanny pack]

Christ on a cracker, this is funny. Give me more.

[Jenn F.]

Oh I was SO delighted to see a return of Jeff's antics ~ I always burst out laughing out loud, every time I see this stuff. It is absolutely fucking hilarious. You know, I was thinking the same thing as what a few people mentioned above... Jeff totally needs to have a site dedicated to this stuff, imitating the weekly tabloid pictures, making fun of Hollywood's elite. Nobody else is doing anything of the sort, and nobody could touch him in ability! It's a perfect niche, just waiting to happen! Thank you, 14, for having such wonderfully warped friends.

[Thorne Smith]

Jeff's Greasy Bear may not be spot on -- but he captured Greasy's bloated spirit in all it's partially hydrogenated glory. Viva la Jeff!

[nole]

I WANT TO SEE MORE OF JEFF!!!

[Salmonella]

That potbelly is totally scary! Especially when I've seen how it actually is flat in the Nicole picture! How is this humanly possible?

[Lindsey Bowers]

I wish Jeff was my friend. Hilarious.

[Chantelle]

Very good :D Just great
Esp. the Nicole Richie one.

[Annie Mahoney]

Oh lordy, this is just disturbing.

And funny.

[Natasha]

Somehow, our comments got mixed up. I wrote:

"Oh, Jesus! That is the funniest thing I have seen in a while. I almost crapped myself. The picture of him imitating greasy bear is just... a damn work of art. I am seriously going to print out that picture and have it blown up and then framed to put on my wall. Once again 14, you're my hero. "

Either way, I don't care because I am in love with those pictures.

[midevil]

Jeff's presentation of Nicole is eerily accurate. Jeff is a star that blows away most Hollyrude fair; it is no wonder that the scene won't touch him.

[Hell'Bells]

OMFG.

O M F G!!!!

I agree--the two of you need a website featuring The Celebrity Face.

Jeff, can you please do the Britney Batshit face? Pretty please, you sexy beast?

[Lynnster]

Please let me participate in the next one. Seriously. I need the laugh. :)

[hurleygurlie2388]

this guy NEVER disappoints. F U C K I N G hilarious!!!!!!!!!!!!

[laila]

lol LMAO!!!! he should have poured baby oil all over his body, face, and hair for the brandon pics....would have ended up looking just like greasy bear with his "suffocating in my own rolls" facial expressions he always makes...greasy bear u need 2 stop....

[Elyse]

Oh my god. I want more. You guys could have an entire website devoted to him making celebrity-face and I would check it every day.

[llism]

Words cannot express how amazing that second photo is. I've looked at it, like, 20 times, and it's still hysterical. I vote for a weekly Jeff/14 collaboration in addition to your stellar art.

[Fairlady Z]

omg, I love Jeff. This is Jim Carrey-level face-morphing action and I love it. MORE JEFF PLZ. He is absolutely awesome and I love you both for making this happen... ahahha!

[14]

Yep, Jeff can really distend his stomach out far. Once we were at the mall and we walked past a maternity shop. Jeff stuck out his stomach and pointed at it while looking at the saleswomen inside. They rolled their eyes and shot him annoyed glances while I picked myself up off the floor from laughing. I tried to make him go in there and try on some maternity clothes, but he wouldn't do it. He has standards, you know.

XOXO

14

[Natasha]

Oh, Jesus! That is the funniest thing I have seen in a while. I almost crapped myself. The picture of him imitating greasy bear is just... a damn work of art. I am seriously going to print out that picture and have it blown up and then framed to put on my wall. Once again 14, you're my hero.

[mike]

Great work as always, you two. I must say I'm shocked at the degree to which Jeff can distend his stomach.

[Linda]

The only reason there are not more comments for these brilliant photos is because no one can stop laughing long enough to type! OMG, my side hurts from laughing! You guys are too much... *wipes tears* ;-D

[M]

Oh, god, I want this guy to be famous!