Photoshop in a Can: Star Jones Edition

Just a few short years ago, Star Jones was a bloated biomass who draped herself in the pelts of dead animals while gobbling up media attention with the same gusto as she gobbled up bacon double cheeseburgers. Now, thanks to gastric bypass surgery and the magic of Photoshop in a Can, she has a brand new look and a brand new job.

Even though Star Jones is no longer obese, she still loves to adorn her diva self with loads of fur. She was thrilled to learn she can use Photoshop in a Can to airbrush away her mink coat anytime she finds herself confronted by those pesky folks from PETA. She carries a purse-sized can of the stuff with her at all times. Medium: Photos of dead rats, snarling possums, lifeless foxes, a squirrel that tried to attack me at the park (seriously), a mutilated cow left behind by space aliens, and Star Jones.

Star might be using a wee bit too much Photoshop in a Can. She's gone and made herself look like a cross between a venus flytrap and a wet praying mantis. Stop now while you can Star! There's no revert or undo button! Medium: ink, acrylic on paper, digital color. If you'd like to see definitive proof that Gallery of the Absurd provides you with only the most accurate celebrity depictions, then please click here.

Comments

[AlfredN]

I agree much haha, very nice read lol

[Rapid Weight Loss Product]

Damn, that's creepy!!

[Roger]

The gasping voice is very annoying - please stop it.

[Grant Miller, Esq.]

That's some fucked up shit.

[gilmore]

Hey 14, your depiction of Star as a giant bug is spot on. I guess Al would be a lady bug?
Amazing work as always! Your Venus Fly Traps are beautiful and full of emotion. Can't wait to see who is using the spray next!
xoxo
Gilmore

[Smile Pretty]

Had me laughing up a storm, though it's late, I can still laugh. I love this stuff.

[licorice]

that is sOOoooOoo good xD

[Demon Kitty]

Dear Gorilla,

You are going to come back to this life as a cat and get smashed by a car. As you feel your organs seeping out of your anus and your mouth, you will realize that there is something worse than death.

[jimmy]

I love star but she seemed happier with the weight. I truly hope she is happy on the inside.

http://www.secretdeepdiscounts.blogspot.com

[Demon Kitty]

PETA is full of shit? Holy fuck!!! What am I going to do now???????

I just got back from Houston and when I was on the road, I rescued 5 abandoned kittens!!!! Someone give me a motherfucking medal!!!!!

I hate Star Jones. Before, she looked like Jabba the Hut. Now she looks like an alien or an insect. I wanted to vomit when she said that Big Gay Al had the "legs of a stallion" and "skin like butter". Ew!!!!! Anyone who wears fur should burn in hell. Burn in hell Star Jones!!! Take J Lo, Diddy, and Michael Vick with you!!!! Oh, and the Olson twins too!!!

To Adam Smith: If you are reading, I have been meaning to answer your comments about dildos and "old fashion cock", but I have not had the chance.

[Nancy]

I can't get over the dead pig dog on her head!! What is that thing? It is just genius. Everytime I look at it I laugh so hard!!! I am such a fan. You ALWAYS deliver the goods. Thank you.

[Viper Tetsu]

Right On re: PETA, Fairlady. If those self-aggrandizing junior terrorists put one-fiftieth of their time, money, and resources into helping local animal rescue and shelter facilities (rather than huffing for photo and press ops like the whorish celebrities they harangue), the world (and most importantly the animals PETA purports to care about) would be a lot better off. And no, I am NOT endorsing the loathsome and anachronistic practice of wearing fur...

Sorry. It should be about the art, which is, as always, masterful. Your utterly hilarious/repulsive Jones fur jacket, and the linear and chilling Mantis-headed D List celeb who assaults us now, are rendered with lazer precision. Hoo-RAH!

[Judi]

No, seriously - are those REAL ANIMALS??? Crikey!!!! :-{

[Heidi]

Medium: Photos of dead rats, snarling possums, lifeless foxes, a squirrel that tried to attack me at the park (seriously), a mutilated cow left behind by space aliens, and Star Jones

And the most disturbing is saved for last...

You're a genius, 14. An absolute genius. The dead carcasses mold seamlessly against...the dead carcass.

[GorillaAtLarge]

Maybe I'm sick, or maybe I just hate cats, but sometimes I laugh when I see a dead cat in the road. Cats always have the most horrid expression on their faces when they die. So exaggerated and twisted that it's something worse than just death -- whereas dogs just look like they're asleep. If I could draw I think I would draw dead cats.

For the same reason this picture made me crack up even though it has no cats. Hope that makes sense.

[Knox Bronson]

you are on a roll!

hilarious. oh yeah!!!

[ILSA]

Bwahahahahah!! I haven't seen such a hilariously wretched depiction of animals on this site since the Trump Steaks advertisement.

[Elizebeth]

This is so RAD!

She totally creeps my husband out every single time he see's her now.

[Sandy]

OMG! These are great. I've never liked Star Jones because she thinks the entire world hangs on her every word...such a narcissist. I think most people are very tired of this woman and would just like to see her disappear forever.

[Thorne Smith]

14, I love you. "Bloated biomass" had me laughing out loud...that and the fatally probed cattle mutilation on Star's bovine noggin. How she evaded such a similar fate is truly miraculous.

Indeed, too much PIAC (Photoshop in a Can) has been used.

[Paulapoo]

I didn't know that was a cow on her head either, LOL! I thought it was a Tasmanian devil.

[Fairlady Z]

Haha, she's hideous. However, I don't think PETA is to be commended in any way for ridiculing her... they are one of the most extremist, hypocritical organizations in existence. If I were a vegetarian/animal rights activist/whatever, I wouldn't want to be associated with PETA. Blech.

[seabiscuit]

Too bad there isn't enough Photoshop in a Can to make those bulging beady rhino eyes appear in keeping with that tightly stretched face. All she needs after that is Relevancy in a Can.

[Pablo Vazquez]

Just genious

[Gretta]

Hilarious! At first I thought she had a pair of slugs on her head, rather than a post-abduction cow.

[Siduri]

I LOVE the sprawled-out dead ungulate on her head!

[kdl]

ugh...you captured her big-headdie vulture neck thing perfectly. and i'm sure she bites off big gay Al's head (if she can catch him) post-mate. terrrrrrific! but i won't be using this one as a background. too scary!

[mellen]

LOL Ever since she lost all that weight, she does have a very odd appearandce - and you have depicted it!

[Jenn F.]

She is just the creepiest thing out there. There's always been something about her that makes my skin crawl. I think she's scarier now after all of the gastric bypass surgery... you know, there is something very praying mantis-like about her. Gicgh.

And how about those nice photos of Britney? Does she really think that showing her less-than-fantastic butt cheeks is a good idea? And those boots good God, those boots! Is she on a mission to completely sabotage her career, professional image, and personal dignity? It's really starting to look that way. Absolutely incredible.

[TheReallyJamesBond]

"Wonderfulness!!!"