Clay Aiken Is Hungry For Blood....and Twinkies

The following spoof of this Child's Play trailer was written by Candy of Holy Candy: It all started with a big sing-off. I was just your average, everyday college student till a little encouragement from an evil man named Simon made me what I am today: Chunky. See, y'all, after the "Velvet Teddy Bear" robbed me of a life as an American Idol winner, I went on a rampage, killing the Bear on the Billboard charts, and stealing the hearts of housewives and men's chorus members nationwide. That's right -- my "aw, shucks" Howdy Doody exterior belies an inner savage beast. Nobody is safe in my path. Just ask Kelly Ripa, airplane passengers, teenage fans, and that snack aisle I just pillaged. Bwahahaha! Oh, and while I'm unleashing my beast on those pesky gossip bloggers, be sure to check out my CD, All is Well (Till You Ask Me If I'm Gay), flying off the shelves at a Wal-Mart near you! Medium: a little too much fun with my wacom tablet, movie tagline written by Candy.

Comments

[Karrie]

Clay WAS chunky or a little plump after his summer tour...he joked about it on stage. He has lost the weight and looked great on the Neil Sedaka tribute and Capital One's Christmas on Ice special recently.

And yes, JP DID recant on his blog, and I have a copy of it. Within a few days he removed it and denied that it ever existed. He's a liar.

[Demon Kitty]

WOW = "Wise" Old Wet Blanket

[Demon Kitty]

Dear WOW,

Congratulations on being able to make your point without swearing. Your ability to refrain from vulgarity is truly ingenious. Your sage provocations indicate an advanced level of emotional and mental maturity which eludes the rest of us juvenile buffoons. You are definitely "der Uebermensch".

That being said, pull that goddamn, motherfucking, petty, prude, Pollyanna plug out of your knotted little sphincter and get a goddamn motherfucking sense of humor.

[WOW]

And Demon Kitty proved my point. Thanks for your rather immature response. These comments are rather junior high. If I can make a point without swearing at an anonymous computer user as my defense, that does make me superior...at least to you.

As I said Go CLAY! So I googled him to find out more so I can support him! did you know he was a guest speaker at Yale University this week, through UNICEF, speaking about Afghanistan? Good Job Clay!

[Viper Tetsu]

Jesus flavored with seven herbs and spices, if Clayboy hadn't devolved into such a dick with the acquisition of fame, I really wouldn't give a rat's ass who he fucked or how much weight he gained. But throw that variable into the mix and I'll grab one of those flaming-hot skewers and poke at his rotund, in-denial ass along with everyone else. Oh, and would someone who can get within ten feet of this fire-breathing jackass PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD'S SILK JAMMIES tell him to stop singing such foul and runny musical SHIT?!!? Thanks.

Oh, and the painting rulz. If you could do it as a sculpture in 3-D a la the packaging on the CHUCKY COLLECTION DVD box set (which it so sublimely resembles), the little horror nerd in me would damn near die of joy.

[Demon Kitty]

WOW,

You are so superior to the rest of us scum. We outnumber you motherfucker.

[WOW]

I'm more suprised by how many supposed educated people can be so ignorant. The pic is funny, the comments...holy fuck this world has gone to shit. I'm gonna start rooting for Clay just because you all can't stand him. Go CLay!

[Demon Kitty]

You go Jenn! Gaiken is a fucking raving QUEEN!!!!!!! I am procrastinating for my accounting exam ... sigh ..

[Noelegy]

You know, it annoys me that I even know who this person is. I have never watched even one episode of "American Idol." This stuff must creep (I chose that word very carefully) into my brain via osmosis. And yes, this is about how he looks to me. 14, you have a knack for pushing some very queasy buttons!

[Demon Kitty]

I came back here for some cheering up, as I cram for my economics test! This looks so much like Gaiken! This is your best yet. There was a scary picture of Gaiken on "Go Fug Yourself". It had nothing to do with what he was wearing. It was just his squinted up face. The first time I saw that man, I thought, "Look at that Queen!!!" He looked like a Queen! Queen was just oozing out of his every pore. The long hair makes him even look more Queenie. I am so fucking sorry, but I cannot, CANNOT, for the life of me - I said it once! I'll say it again! There is no way in hell, I can picture this Nancy boy sucking on a vulva like his life depended on it. I bet he has never even BEEN with a woman!

[Mark]

Eh, no one can ever be sure of anything on the net. However, this is funny stuff and Clay himself would probably laugh at it.

By the way, saw some wireimage photos from Friday...he's already lost the majority of the chunk after quitting the Paxil. Damn, wish I could lose weight that fast.

Must not have liked looking like the Donald. Heh.

And Kelly Ripa is still a bitch.:-)

[Jenn F.]

Well if he didn't do it, what was with all of the photos he took of himself sitting at his computer, holding his shirt open, showing his nipple? That was definitely him. Along with a big long chat conversation that went back and forth before he sent the pics, with him going on about the importance of buddy not sharing the photos and keeping them private if he were to send them, since he was "someone famous and he couldn't let this get out". I think you might be thinking of a different example, Dave, because I've heard of a few different times that he allegedly was trawling the gay chat sites.

[gilmore]

You are a Wacom wizard my friend. Love your imagination and your skills. Can't wait to see you this week.
Wonder Twin powers are about to activate!

[Vernice]

with THAT many chins you KNOW he wants to eat you, but it's a pretty safe bet that you could outrun him. unless you're Kelly Ripa.

[stfu clay-tard]

John Paulus did NOT recant AND
he and Ghay Claiken had sex.

deal with it!

[Erik]

Isn't he the coach of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers too?

[Dave]

He was never doing that internet chat stuff. The guy that went to the tabloids finally admitted it was not true.

That doesn't look at all like Clay. It looks like Jack Black.

[Jenn F.]

It's retarded how he won't come out of the closet. As if everyone doesn't already know! Especially after being caught trawling the gay chat sites, trying to pick people up.

[Demon Kitty]

Like anyone could BELIEVE that this queen is straight! Ha ha ha!!!!!!

[Javelin]

haha yeah, I could totally see him turning slowly into a savage monster. One morning you'll turn on Regis and Kelly and in some awkward pause he'll get a crazy gleam in his eyes and just-- AHHH CHOMP devour Ripa whole.

[Doodle Whore]

Now you're going to have to do the sequel and continue the American Idol Theme: Kelly Clarkson as the Bride of Chunky!

[Demon Kitty]

Haahahaaaaaaaaa! Gaykin is an annoying queen! He deserves this! American Idol is such a shitty program! So cheesy! So retarded!!!

The original Chucky looks like my former boss, "Attila the Cunt".

[DonnaJEM]

Twinkies are awesome.
Your rendition of Gaykin is very scarry and on the mark.

[just wankerin]

hell yeah, he USED to be skinny and edgy, now he's fat from eating "twinkies"!

[Gigohead]

Clay was better off being poor and gay -- that made him skinny. Now that he's rich and fat -- he's become Elton John. What a tragedy. Great illustration by the way. I love your work.

[TheReallyJamesBond]

Would make you get in the bed with Linda Blair to get away from his ass,... and make Linda call The Exorcist on him!!

[Sean T]

Your artistry and Candy's write-up are a match made in heaven-or in hell, if you're Clay. LOL! Super great work!

[Jennifer]

This guy has given me the creeps from day one. Yuk!! Perfect likeness...

You are the master!!! I bow down to your awesome skills!

[Josh Maday]

Wow. Great job with this one. The resemblance is uncanny. This borders on hyperbole, but Clay Aiken has never been so terrifying. I'd love to see the monster Twinkie man rendered this way so we can see what evil haunts these poor celebrity souls (and thighs).

[Texas]

Where can I buy this! Perfect decor for Halloween at my house! :-) I've always thought he was scary and I'm glad somebody like you actually noticed too! Great eye, 14!

[TheReallyJamesBond]

The guy was always creepy to me!

[Madame M]

Holy moly. That is the scariest thing I've ever seen!

[just witnessin]

When American Idol first came out the kid was young & we watched it because she wanted to.
Except when Chunky came on.
I had to leave the room because he scared me. The kid thought I was crazy but she's used to me.
You have created a version that I can look upon without being scared. I'm not sure if that's a good thing.