Celebrity Family Photo Christmas Cards: The Lohans

What do you know, I received another celebrity greeting card today and this time it's from the Lohans. Dina likes to party with her kids, so she arranged for a 2:00 am photo shoot inside Ali's favorite LA nightclub last Wednesday. Don't they look cute? Apparently, the kids' ex-jailbird father showed up and refused to leave. There was a mild squirmish when Dina screamed at him to get out of the photos, "You aren't even dressed properly! And for the love of God, why are you wearing mom jeans!?!?" Michael shot back, "Don't you dare use the Lord's name in vain, heathen woman! Hey wait, is that US Weekly? Hey, over here, over here - I'd like to talk to the press about Lindsay!" Michael wandered off to track down more paparazzi, but unfortunately for the rest of the Lohan family, he still ended up in their Christmas photo. And yes, Dina enclosed a Dina family update in the letter and you may read it here. Adequite Christmas everyone! If you're looking for a classy holiday card from Britney Spears, you'll find it here. If you'd like to see the greatest Christmas movie ever, watch this clip from Santa Claus, a 1959 Mexican motion picture extravaganza. Santa lives in a castle floating in outer space and devils are out to get him.

Comments

[MJG]

Lindsey Lohan is pregant With Eugene Osei's child. Its all over the internet.

[Viper Tetsu]

Everytime I see Dina Lohan, I get the queasy feeling that Heidi Fleiss is laying semi-conscious in an alley someplace lamenting the fact that some bee-yotch beat her senseless and made off with her dentures.

Yay, Adam Smith's back! Delighted that the man who introduced the phrase "fuck-muppet" to the GOTA lexicon has returned.

Oh, and while I'm sure the MST3K decimation of SANTA CLAUS is perfectly enjoyable, it's gotta be like watering down a thimble-full of liquor with a two-liter of Coke. SANTA CLAUS needs to be appreciated straight, no chaser. You'll swear you're having acid flashbacks, even if you've never done a drug in your life. Seriously.

[Adam Smith]

Dear Demon Kitty and Fourteen.

Thanks for the bouquet,it really was unexpected.

The motherboard for the Internet computer I use went kaput,so I have'nt been online for a while.My music computer will never go online,so I was kind of stuck until I could afford another.

I'll be around here for as long I can type and be slightly "off message".

Do Americans have that expression?

Anyway,thanks again.I also look forward to recieving more Squirrel pictures.

To anybody else reading this: neither Fourteen or I are closet Plushies,in case you were wondering.We just like Squirrels.

Also,it is'nt a code for anything else,so get you minds out of the gutter.

[vlcupper]

I STRONGLY recommend watching the MST3K version of Santa Claus. Great little Christmas song featured.

[Vern]

Ah, pardon me! Wrote "Bovine" Meant "Porcine"

[Vern]

Dear Mr. Smith,
Thank you for your kind reply. I do adore the notion of "Bovine Intervention" as it were, but I fear waiting for a physical manifestation merely reduces the election to a beauty pageant, which is essentially just "picking a pig" so we are again brought to "square one".
There must be another way to locate someone who is "adequite".
Yours truly,
Vern

[14]

ADAM!! I'm simply ecstatic you've returned. Please don't leave me again darling - I have more squirrel pictures for you!

xoxo
14

[Demon Kitty]

Dear Adam,

I am soo glad you are back!!!!!!!!!! I am soo happy you are back!!!!!!!! I find your posts so uplifting and soothing! They are good for the soul! Please don't go away again! I have missed you so much! You give me hope!!!!!!

The banality of our up and coming election will be completely numbing. That is exactly what they want. After the last 2 horrors, I cannot even look at a fucking election now. We have borrowed so much fucking money from other countries, they are sick of our dollars. We have really fucked ourself on that one. The republicans bitch about government spending, but goddamn do those motherfuckers know how to run up a national deficit!

On a lighter note, I wonder if those lesbo rumors about Linday Hohan are true? I can't stand looking at her orange skin and overly processed blonde hair.

[Adam Smith]

Vern Wrote:

Dear Mr. Smith,
I like your idea about pig wrestling except, I still don't trust the republicans-I imagine they would use a stillborn pig and pretend they had "defeated" it.
I think the only way it could be fair is if we get to choose the pig.

Point taken.

Although the implications of your proposal mean that the focus of your whole electoral process would shift to choosing the pig.
Really this takes us back to square one.

I think it should be done at random, or by searching for a sign or marker that lets you know that the pig is the chosen one.
A birthmark shaped like Henry Kissinger,an uncanny resemblance to Rush Limbaugh or hair of similar texture and coarseness to Donald Trump's lustrous mane,could all be possible indicators.There is probably a pig that has all of these attributes living in the United States right now.

I also remember seeing the Santa Claus movie that 14 refers to.At the time I was under the influence of enough drugs to comfortably fill an evidence locker,so I thought I'd imagined it.

It's good to see that it was actually real.

[Vern]

Dear Mr. Smith,
I like your idea about pig wrestling except, I still don't trust the republicans-I imagine they would use a stillborn pig and pretend they had "defeated" it.
I think the only way it could be fair is if we get to choose the pig. I'm suggesting Pamela Anderson because the republicans are more used to wrestling boys this season!
respectfully,
Vern

[AMPed]

I agree with Javelin - show us the Spears Family card. There is not a family with higher family values than them...and you know they don't want their card trumped by the Lohan's...

[Jenn F.]

That Santa Claus movie clip is the BEST! Now I absolutely must find a dvd copy of it... that is freaking hilarious.

For some reason, I think my favourite part of the Lohan Christmas card is Michael's mom jeans. That and the fact that the shoot took place in Alky's favourite L.A. night club. (you just know she's going to be an alcoholic by age 15).

[vernice]

Gosh, that movie clip reminded me of Christmas at our house when I was a kid!

[jenner]

OMG you've included the Mexican Santa Claus movie!!!!!!!!!!! I only know it through MST3K of course ;) I agree, BEST XMAS MOVIE EVER.

No Lupita, no!!!!!

[larryty]

As unlikable as Linds is, it's easy to understand how she got that way...her dad's a HOT mess and her mother resides in some other faraway universe. I would guess her wackiness is more a result of having to compete with Dina over whose childhood they are living.

[Jujupiter]

THE SPEAAAAAAARS!!!
Please, Please, Please, I wanna see THE SPEARS!!!

[Javelin]

hahahaha this is too perfect. it puts the Spears' to shame. Dina looks out of breath, like she was just on stage a minute ago, dancing in that hideous slutty santa outfit. And those mom jeans, combined with the pissed off glare, and the cross... that image should go on his drivers' license. then cops will know immediately who they're dealing with.

[Demon Kitty]

I am so tired of looking at these white trash motherfuckers! I just can't motherfucking look at them anymore. I wish they would just go away.

[Adam Smith]

Adequite.

I always love Miss Lohan's sophomoric musings on existential matters.

A cornucopia of platitudes,they are a veritable symposium on how to convey a message with no real meaning or substance.Every cliche is like the vacant look on Mariah Carey's face,the absolute zenith of shallowness.

Masterful.

One could say,that they are almost Presidential in there hollowness.

Except of course we will all be expected too take the equally worthless musings of next year's candidates seriously.In the impending media hoopla that looms ominously over us - even now.

Let me be the first to send my condolescences to you and your fellow country men.

The banality will be inescapable.

Why don't you just settle the whole matter with Pig Wrestling? The first person to successfully wrestle and subdue a Pig gets to become President. That way the Republicans can guarantee a victory without resort to rigging the election and none of you has to pretend that that did'nt happen.

[rongshu]

They are so happy!I have saw their photos on http://richcupids.com They are so welcomed!