Gallery of the Absurd

Rachael Ray's Dog Food Kicks Off Disturbing Celebrity Chef Trend

 

 

Mario Batali will offer a premium dog food "inspired" by the flavors of Italy.

Hell's Kitchen chef Gordon Ramsay will further cash in on his draconian image by offering a branded premium canine cuisine aimed at aggressive breeds such as Dobermans, German Shepards and Chihuahuas.

Paula Deen just cain't help herself y'aaaaaal. She'll debut a dawg fewd inspired by her down home Southern cookin' and will include such tasty vittles as Bubba's Country Fried Steak and savory Sausage Pie.

Because celebrity chefs can't seem to get enough of hawking books, magazines, endorsements and branded items such as condiments, kitchen bobble heads, cookware, and deep fryers, we can be fairly certain other big name chefs will announce their own brands of dog food. It's only a matter of time, you just wait and see. Medium: ink on paper, secret elf technology and photoshop. Much thanks to Leslie for the alert.

It's Hard To Tell The Difference Between Heidi Montag and Jeff Polage

I've saved the most delightfully depraved photos for last. Jeff Polage shamelessly pranced and skipped around the swanky hotel pool while wearing a pink bikini with dark socks as puzzled CAA agents stopped their important pool-side meetings in mid-sentence to gape in bewilderment at the jarring sight.

Jeff easily adopts her lanky, awkward and hurky jerky gesticulations as I shout, "I need you to open your mouth more!"

That Heidi Montag, always sticking her ass up in the air. More photos here.

Practice, Practice, Practice

I took a little time this holiday weekend to practice digital painting techniques using my Wacom tablet. I still need many hours of practice, but here's what I worked on today. More celeb nonsense coming soon - look for Jeff Polage doing his Heidi Montag impression tomorrow, and then later in the week, a fresh look at Jack Nicholson. Medium: wacom tablet, photoshop.

Dial M for Madonna - Art Show in Hollywood

If you're in Los Angeles on May 23, be sure and make a beeline to the Dial M for Madonna show at the World of Wonder Storefront Gallery located in Hollywood. They always host the most fun-filled art shows and who knows, maybe even Bobby Trendy will show up. Errr, don't let that last part deter you. Anyway, I'll have 2 pieces in the show along with over 40 other artists. The LA Times even gave the show a Best Bet rating.

This painting was originally printed in Cracked magazine to accompany an article about fashionable celebrity adoption. It has a little secret too. The image you see above is the print version. I had to make it perfect for the client...however, the original painting was purposefully created to include a crooked and asymmetrical arch. Underneath her perfect facade lies imperfect truths the public never sees, so I wanted her icon to reflect that.

I ripped this one out of my sketchbook, trimmed it, and placed it in a frame. Originally, this illustration was created as part of an Exquisite Corpse I did with Doodle Whore and Pretty on the Outside. While sketching it, I spilled wine on it which should increase its value. It was an expensive wine, you see.

The Details
"Dial M for Madonna," curated by James St James and Steven Corfe and opening with a gala reception on May 23, is a 40-artist-strong group show of all things Madge, from a conical bra made entirely of chocolate to a photograph of the Village Voice’s Michael Musto spoofing Madonna’s Sex book, “standing naked in a Jersey street with nothing but a wig and a cig to distract from my painfully tucked penis.” Opening night will also feature a video tribute to the late great 400lb Madonna impersonator, Queerdonna.

World of Wonder Storefront Gallery
6650 Hollywood Blvd.
Los Angeles, CA 90028
8pm to midnight
Free

Popular US Tabloid Makes Debut in The UK

Celebrities, drugs and booze is a winning combination. When the glossy new tabloid Celebrity Drugs & Alcohol launched a few months ago, newsstands couldn't keep them in stock and subscription rates went through the roof. The success of Celebrity Drugs & Alcohol is no-brainer because there's never an end to the gushing wellspring of material. The magazine is such a huge success that a UK version has been launched for our friends across the pond. Get the latest dish on Kimberly Stewart's lusty groping of boozy Jude Law's knickers. What caused a full-scale health panic across London? Learn how Lily Allen spends quality time with her dad, and find out what gave Kelly Osbourne such unsteady trotters ...all in sensational vivid detail!

The UK version of Celebrity Drugs & Alcohol includes a delightful British humor-infused advice column written by Pete Doherty's cat. As you might remember, Pete was photographed giving his cat a few puffs off his filthy crack pipe. Thankfully the troubled feline has recovered and turned his life around. He now works as a lifestyle guru and devotes himself to helping other troubled citizens. Medium: Photoshop composite. Done in collaboration with Candy Kirby. Dear Dinger column written by Candy Kirby.<

Celebrities Who Publicly Declare Themselves Icons: Tori Spelling Edition

I always get a kick out celebrities who publicly declare themselves "icons". Tori Spelling recently informed the public that gay men can't get enough of her and that she's a bonafide "gay icon". Silly me, I thought in order to be considered an icon, people other than yourself were the ones to bestow that sort honor upon you. I asked a few of my gay friends if Tori was their icon. "We like our icons to have talent," sniffed my friend Brad, "so that would be a no." Meow.

Still, it's always amusing (in a pathetic way) to watch any variety of attention-starved actors get up on their soap boxes and blather about themselves so to attract a few crumbs of media attention. Tory took it a step further and also declared herself a MILF. Her shamelessness is impressive, I must say. My hope is that in her next ploy for attention, she'll pull a Paris Hilton and anoint herself the title of American Royalty. I would love an excuse to paint Tori as a Queen. Medium: photoshop composite.

Scandal Erupts After Actor Poses Topless On Cover of Glossy Magazine

Jeff Polage has issued an apology to his fans for his racy photos in Insanity Fair magazine. "I was like, forced by Annie Leibovitz to pose this skanky way and now I am like, so embarrassed. She like, assured me that my back hair wouldn't show up in the photo, but you can totally see it," said the unemployed actor. "My career is over thanks to Annie and her manipulative web of lies and deceit!"

Gossip Trading Cards: Deranged Lunatic

Whenever Gary Busey shows up to an event or agrees to an interview, you can expect an erratic tempest of nonsensical utterances, unsettling glares, unpredictable outbursts followed by bear hugs and then more unpredictable outbursts, and best of all, the spewing forth of didactic gibberish through a mouthful of clattering teeth. How can you not love (from a distance, of course) the crazy that is Gary Busey? I've decided to get back to work on my Gossip Trading Cards series, a collection of trading cards based on the diverse archetypes found in the world of celebrity gossip. I've already completed cards for Lindsay Lohan and Papa Joe Simpson, and many more are to come. Medium: Colored pencil and ink scrawled in sketchbook while riding in car hurtling down I-5 toward Los Angeles.

The back of the card includes one of my favorite Gary quotes. Find more of his wisdom here.

Jeff Polage Squats Like Rose McGowan

When I saw the photo of Rose McGowan squatting on the sidewalk to pick up her goofy-looking dog, I felt a kinship. I've been there. Like Rose, I have a bug-eyed boston terrier...and like Rose, I've often found myself in regrettable positions while walking my dog on the city sidewalks. All I can say is thank goodness the paparazzi doesn't follow me around. I asked Jeff Polage to throw on a wig and stuff his feet into a pair of pink high heels while picking up my dog, Abigail. Poor Jeff couldn't quite squat as impressively as the lovely Rose was photographed doing, but then he's not used to wearing high heels either.

Jeff Polage Takes On Carrot Top

You asked for it. I've been in Los Angeles all week with my camera, my laptop and my actor pal Jeff Polage. He's getting more work these days and even made an appearance in Iron Man. Sure, he only appears on screen for two seconds, but it's clear he's giving Robert Downey Jr. a run for his money.

In order to achieve the full Carrot Top effect as shown above, we used a ratty old wig, cheap eyeliner and scotch tape to pull Jeff's eyebrows skyward.

We've got another photo shoot scheduled today and our props include a blonde wig, a hot pink bikini, and a couple of cantaloupes. Can you guess who our victim might be?