Something about Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt's habit of posing like cloying robotic clowns in staged photographs reminds me of those simplistic Dick and Jane books that were used to teach kids to read back in the 1950's. Riveting story lines involving the adventures of Dick and Jane typically went like this: See Dick run. Run, Dick, run. Run, run, run. Jane has a toy. It is a red toy. Heidi and Spencer are about as interesting and complex as sawdust as those repetitive Dick and Jane stories, so why not use them in an updated version?
LOL. This is hilarious!!
Posted by: Alya | August 19, 2008 at 12:23 PM
this is simply amazing.
Posted by: Jessica | August 18, 2008 at 04:45 PM
You have OUTDONE yourself!
Posted by: Dee | August 17, 2008 at 01:18 AM
who are these people?
Posted by: edrizzleski | August 08, 2008 at 11:21 PM
i dont know who these people are and im extremely happy about that fact.
Posted by: dustin | August 08, 2008 at 01:43 PM
Lovely, lovely, lovely! I think I might use this as a teaching tool, if I may.
Posted by: Dave in Northridge | August 08, 2008 at 11:19 AM
Wow, I've been on vacation and missed this momentus book collection release? This is AWESOME and possibly the only time I kind of could handle reading something about them. Another note, what's with mouth always being wide open in photos? Can't she keep her phoney flourescent white teeth hidden. Sadly, everything about them is fake, including their life. 14, again terrific job!
-Not that sexual identity matters, but, yes I do get a gay-dar reading off of Spencer (but who doesn't).
Posted by: Ann | August 06, 2008 at 09:14 AM
Ah, 'Fun with Dickface and Plain-Jane', a Goldenbooks classic!
Posted by: MandyPandy | July 25, 2008 at 07:53 PM
LOLOLOLOL! I've finally gotten around to finding out just who these two clowns are. Sheesh! What a couple of Hoors! LOL! Nice and direct, 14. Love it!
Posted by: Chansmom | July 25, 2008 at 05:10 PM
Now I know why the brangeloonies are so obssessed. Oh Speidi, you give meaning to my life!!
Posted by: Erick | July 25, 2008 at 09:59 AM
omg. this is brilliant! haha! I think I might use it as wallpaper for my bathroom. and then imprint their faces on toilet paper! i love themes! ;p
Posted by: Sanity,Interrupted... | July 25, 2008 at 08:48 AM
i was joking ... really ... i am old enough to remember real celebrities like John Lennon, David Bowie, Bridget Bardot ... people who actually were intelligent and added something - art, music, beauty - to the world. Heidi and Spencer (is that correct?) - diseased pustules on the body of our culture, like Paris Hilton, Perez Hilton, club djs, and ukulele players ...
Posted by: Knox Bronson | July 24, 2008 at 04:05 PM
I am sitting in the library right now, procrastinating as usual, laughing my ass off.
That was genius 14 and the text was fabulous as well. I love how you made her tits bigger .... Bounce Bounce Bounce!
I love the stack of bibles and the praying hands on top (my grandmother had truckloads of those) while Heidi is ramming her as out. I can't get over the way she just shoves her ass out there with her legs spread just ENOUGH. I can't believe it. She must prep for that photo and glue her bikini in place so it doesn't ride up her crack and give us a full view of the entrance to her birth canal. This has to be a pose. The bikini barely covers her lips as she demonstrates her love of the doggy position.
How mysterious! How intriguing! The only thing missing here is the lone phallus, aiming and getting ready to enter.
I am with you 100% Dr. L. I think Spencer is a screaming queen.
Posted by: Demon Kitty | July 24, 2008 at 08:39 AM
I didn't think you could outdo the Brangelina Little Engine That Could piece, 14, but once again you have floored me. XD I don't know much of anything about these two but I've seen enough of their fake as hell 'candid' shots all over the Internet for them to earn my dislike.
Posted by: Peta | July 23, 2008 at 09:16 PM
Typepad's comment section features the author's name right below their comment. What confuses people is that another author's name appears above their comment too.
So, look up and see BlackbeltBetty (great name by the way) above this comment, yet below is my name, the illustrious Cornwall Wallcorn.
It's confusing, I know. thanks for you comments though!
xoxo
14
Posted by: cornwall wallcorn | July 23, 2008 at 09:11 PM
Vern and my comments got mixed up. Me thinks the comments need to be better moderated, please.
Posted by: BlackbeltBetty | July 23, 2008 at 09:03 PM
holy fuck, that is some funny shit. i laughed very very loud.
Posted by: Darcy | July 23, 2008 at 05:57 PM
This is freakin' GENIUS!!!
Posted by: moxie | July 23, 2008 at 05:56 PM
I'm voting for Spencer being gay, too. Where's Perez Hilton when you need him?
Posted by: Dr. L. | July 23, 2008 at 04:18 PM
Hilarious take on Dick and Jane there. Too bad the reading level's probably so far above either of their capabilities that they won't be able to appreciate it.
And am I the only one who thinks the whole romance is a stunt sparked by that bland-faced prat's desperate attempt to fool the public into believing he's not gay, gay, gay? I'd have a lot more respect for him if he came out of the closet.
Posted by: didi | July 23, 2008 at 04:00 PM
These parodies are priceless!!! See Heidis boobs bounce...lmao........14 once again shows her genius!!
Posted by: bridget | July 23, 2008 at 03:54 PM
She is so perfect, has a perfect body, perfect tan, perfect face, perfect hair, perfect legs, perfect boyfriend, perfect mother, perfect lifestyle, perfect EVERYTHING as well as being perfectly young, perfectly blonde, and perfectly HAPPY EVER AFTER, too...
No wonder she's always running all over the place with her equally blonde dreamboat boyfriend, her bikini-clad boobs flying everywhere, her little butt wagging like a friendly puppy's tail, her blond mane tossing about, bright blue eyes wide-open, excited pink mouth squealing shrilly with such JOY JOY JOY JOY JOY JOY at how PERFECT her whole life is!!!!!!!!!!
And you managed to nail that girl in spite of her fabulous PERFECTION.XD
Posted by: Becca | July 23, 2008 at 03:52 PM
Very funny! I wonder why they rarely shut their mouths? Perhaps they both have lockjaw.
Posted by: FrenchGirl | July 23, 2008 at 02:52 PM
I must concur with Knox that the skewering genius of your parody has the twisted side effect of making me--cue slight vomit in mouth--wanna actually research on line and learn who these ciphers are. Maybe. Sort of.
Posted by: Viper Tetsu | July 23, 2008 at 02:13 PM
Hilarious. I am particularly fond of the last one.
Posted by: Shelby | July 23, 2008 at 02:09 PM
Oh, 14, this is brilliant!
Although I'm wondering why you made Heidi's boobs look so small?
Posted by: Candy | July 23, 2008 at 12:52 PM
I really, really dislike them.
the last photo of Heidi on her knees, with her legs wide open and her ass in the air, always cracks me up. She's so desperate for attention.
Posted by: DEAF FEMINIST PUNK!!! | July 23, 2008 at 12:43 PM
That was glorious.
Posted by: Jerms | July 23, 2008 at 12:36 PM
The Pumpkin Patch photo makes me want to hunt him down and shoot him. And then I read more of the book and can't stop laughing. Thanks, 14!
Posted by: Erik | July 23, 2008 at 11:19 AM
Nooo Knox ~ NOOOO!!! Run while your mind is still unscarred! Don't look! It'll rot your brain!
Trust me, this is one subject in which one would be blessed to remain ignorant.
Posted by: Jenn F. | July 23, 2008 at 11:04 AM
I'm not sure who these people are ... denizens of Perez-world perhaps? But, thank you, 14 ... now I really want to know more about them - I feel as if I might have missed something.
Posted by: Knox Bronson | July 23, 2008 at 10:28 AM
You've outdone yourself this time, 14.
Thanks for once again making my day.
Posted by: Tess | July 23, 2008 at 10:27 AM
Another direct hit. Keep 'em coming!
Posted by: Nanners | July 23, 2008 at 10:00 AM
That is a roit !! Funny as hell.
Posted by: Sprmcandy | July 23, 2008 at 09:42 AM
Perfect! Very well done. Spencer does have a big head, doesn't he? I also realized what it is that Heidi is so blatantly missing (aside from a brain and some talent)... a healthy dose of charisma.
Posted by: Jenn F. | July 23, 2008 at 06:27 AM
14 --
First came Alien Star Jones, then the Paris Crab, then Greasy Bear nursing the beaver... and now Fun With Heidi and Spencer. This truly ranks among your best. You've captured the essence of these two butt nuggets perfectly.
Now I leave work due to wetting myself from laughing so hard.
Posted by: Thorne Smith | July 23, 2008 at 05:29 AM
A modern twist on a classic! Hilarious!!!!
Posted by: BlackbeltBetty | July 23, 2008 at 05:23 AM
See Spot Growl! Growl Spot!
Eat the very bad Spiedi!
Yeah Spot! Spiedi Gone!
Posted by: vern | July 23, 2008 at 05:09 AM
That's how I see their cheesy pictures too. They are so annoying. I almost miss Paris Hilton.
Posted by: Psychochick | July 23, 2008 at 05:03 AM
Exquisite.
Posted by: missbivigou | July 23, 2008 at 04:54 AM