The Bling Turtle is an obscenely wealthy reptile of the Species Ostentātus hyp-hopio mogula, whose soft body is shielded by a diamond-encrusted shell.
Unlike other reptiles, Bling Turtles travel by white Escalade and private yacht, and live primarily on cases of perfectly chilled Armand de Brignac. They will withdraw their head into their shells when asked whether they are, in fact, married to their longtime girlfriend; however, they are also known to become aggressive when provoked by fellow hyp-hopio artists – which rap zoologists have identified as “Nas” – with “oh no, he didn’t”-type lyrics dismissing Bling Turtle as serious competition.
The Bling Turtle is indigenous to New York City, and can be found overseeing his many business ventures; piling on yet more bling; supporting the Yankees with a perpetually crooked baseball cap; sailing to the South of France; delivering clean water to Africa; and retiring from music-making – and repeatedly triumphantly returning to music-making. Medium: graphite, ink on paper, digital color and bling. Idea of Bling Turtle came to me after Candy Kirby suggested Jay-Z might resemble a turtle. Latin name and description written by Candy Kirby.
The picture is dead on...absolutely hilarious.
Posted by: Josh | October 24, 2008 at 12:26 PM
Dude, this is GENIOUS.
Posted by: Kamala | October 21, 2008 at 12:06 AM
Brilliant! Both the illustration and the latin name are perfect.
Posted by: Jenn F. | October 20, 2008 at 11:07 AM
You should definitely try making him a camel too. That's what the rest of the interweb refers to him as.
Posted by: nulife | October 15, 2008 at 10:45 PM
Once again, GENIUS! I've been following your page for well over a year now, and you never cease to amaze me with the humor/art you create. Please keep it up!! (And thanks!)
Posted by: Toni | October 14, 2008 at 09:24 AM
THIS is AWESOME.
I'd also like extinction.
-Jake of sD
Posted by: socialdynamite.com | October 12, 2008 at 10:00 PM
Thanks for your kind comments everyone. I would have NEVER thought of Jay-Z as a turtle, but when Candy suggested it, I saw it immediately. Any excuse to draw Jay-Z thrills me. That face of his - amazing!
xoxox
14
Posted by: 14 | October 11, 2008 at 09:02 PM
I've been lurking your site for a few years, but now I feel the need to comment. That representation of Jay Z is spot on. I agree with snapnhiss that I've seen a camel likeness when I look at him, but now you have expanded my vision of the blingtastic Mr. Z to see his royal turtleness. Brava, 14, Brava!
Posted by: moon unit | October 11, 2008 at 08:49 PM
I always thought he looked like a camel, but your bling turtle is more accurate. Well done!
Posted by: snapnhiss | October 11, 2008 at 07:59 PM
Bling turtles in literature:
Rex gifted Julia with a diamond encrusted turtle for Xmas in Evelyn Waugh's Brideshead Revisited.
Posted by: rscottatl | October 11, 2008 at 05:21 AM
I think it's beautiful and fun. Thanks again for truly brightening my morning.
Posted by: Parker Worth | October 10, 2008 at 11:06 AM
This is absolutely perfect, awesome and really, really funny. I've always thought he was butt ugly and you captured it superbly, 14! The art and description are what a friend of mine would call "Fine product!"
Posted by: Erik | October 10, 2008 at 12:03 AM
It looks exactly like him! God, does it. Thank You.
Yes, do one of BEEE YONCAY - what a classy name!
For god's sake, PULEEZ do one of Angelina. That woman is so completely and utterly full of shit.
Posted by: Sweet Subversion | October 09, 2008 at 08:33 PM
absolutely fantastic!!!
Posted by: texasgal | October 09, 2008 at 05:32 PM
This is one species I'd like to see extinct.
That said, promise me you'll do an entry about it's mate.
Posted by: MandyPandy | October 09, 2008 at 04:58 PM