In a recent
MTV documentary,
Britney Spears revealed her desire to escape from the glare of the paparazzi by moving to her own private island. "That would be heaven - to have my kids on an island, and a man, and nobody can get to us." Sensing that Brit
already had the island and has been keeping it a secret, we sent our reporters to remote areas of the South Pacific in order to track it down. What we found was astounding -- an unassuming island has indeed been transformed into a Britney Spears pleasure palace.
Since
The Isle of Britney is wired with sensors immediately disabling any camera for miles, we asked our cartographer to create a map we could share with our readers. As you can see, the singer has spared no expense to create her own island fantasy. State-of-the-art security surrounds a mega mansion featuring a recording studio, gym, skating rink, nightclub, and a Italian stone fountain gurgling with Red Bull. The grounds feature paved trails so Brit can indulge her kids in their favorite activity;
being pulled around in a wagon. The sun drenched white sands of
Possum Island, located near the
Sea of Frappuccino is where Britney spends most her time sunning and enjoying the nearby Taco Bell tiki hut. To make herself feel more at home when nature calls, she's installed a replica of a filthy gas station bathroom. Her bothersome father lives in a tent out near the
Strait of Y'all.
Britney's island contains species not found anywhere else on the Earth. It appears Britney commissioned highly trained genetic biologists to create specialized flora and fauna to suit her demanding needs. Seen above is a branch from the curious
Southern Cheeto Tree, found in the vast
Cheeto Orchard surrounding her home. Anytime Brit craves a cheeto, she simply reaches up and picks a fresh one off the heavy branches. Specialized
Britmunks live in the trees and enjoy nibbling the cheetos that happen to fall on the ground before Brit can pick them. They keep the grove very clean and neat.
The most amazing spectacle on the
Isle of Britney is the
Food Court Reef. It's no wonder Britney has taken up deep sea diving - the reef is brimming with her favored food sources such as the delicious spicy
Taco Trout, juicy
Cheeseburger Clams, and most astounding, the
Jumbo Fries Coral featuring schools of cute little
Ketchup Packet Fish especially adapted to live among the stalks of golden fried goodness.
Medium: ink, acrylic, photo collage. Much thanks to Candy for the gas station bathroom idea.
this post really made me laugh...
sea of frappuccino???? LOL
i'm sure you got lots of your inspiration from dlisted, he always makes fun of her and cheetos...
Posted by: john | July 26, 2009 at 05:11 PM
She is beautiful.
Posted by: Tom@BritneySpearsFun | June 20, 2009 at 08:52 AM
dayum how can I get to Britney Island?? It looks damn perfect to me! Taco Bell AND Starbucks on the beach!?
BTW, brilliant as always.
Posted by: Kristin | February 10, 2009 at 12:59 PM
This is freaking hilarious! It's cheered me up from a crappy night :D
Posted by: Tara | February 09, 2009 at 02:26 AM
Damn, and she has the filthy gas station bathroom. I know that's what really makes it feel like home. You go gurll.
Posted by: deanna1104 | January 24, 2009 at 05:45 AM
Superbly clever. Keep up the great work!
Posted by: Idlewild | January 23, 2009 at 08:37 AM
Too funny! I think this is the perfect place for Ms. Spears. I especially enjoyed the Cheeto tree and taco fish...hopefully they will make it to the states someday. Thanks for the laughs.
Posted by: Max | January 22, 2009 at 08:19 AM
What?! There's a fried chicken farm?! Lemme at her! LOLOLOL!
Posted by: Chansmom | January 20, 2009 at 05:59 PM
lmao!!!!!!!
Posted by: babyjanny | January 20, 2009 at 09:42 AM
She is going to stumble upon this and try to GoogleMap it.
"Ya'll know they got taco fish?!"
Posted by: A rabid, drooling fan | January 19, 2009 at 05:26 AM
The fishy made out of ketchup packets is truly brilliant and the fish taco is making me hungry.
Posted by: Fanny Pack | January 18, 2009 at 02:42 PM
Oh I want to live there in paradise too!?!!!!
Posted by: Killershoes | January 18, 2009 at 11:01 AM
I wish we all have personalized islands like that!
Posted by: Salmonella | January 18, 2009 at 04:13 AM
14, your genius is worth waiting for! :)
Posted by: Nanreally | January 16, 2009 at 08:22 PM
I hope that if I plant a cheeto in the ground it'll bring forth a cheeto tree. In which case,I plan on having a farm of my own raising Southern Cheeto Trees overlooking a pond stocked with the delicious looking fish tacos.
Posted by: Erick | January 16, 2009 at 07:15 PM
I would buy your book too.
Posted by: Mockazine | January 16, 2009 at 03:11 PM
This is simply awesome!!
Posted by: oolalafrenchgirl | January 16, 2009 at 11:37 AM
Erik,
I think it's more likely that everyone would have to take off their underwear!!!
Posted by: Bionic Squirrel | January 16, 2009 at 11:08 AM
Its amazing and hilarious too.
Thanks for posting.
Lilly
Posted by: Music School | January 16, 2009 at 05:49 AM
I would totally hide out in the Cheetoh Orchard until they dragged me out, all caked in fake bright orange cheese. This is seriously among my favorite things you've ever done, 14. Instead of leas when visitors land, do they have to put on thong undies?
Truly awesome!
Posted by: Erik | January 15, 2009 at 09:36 PM
Jesus Christ covered in special sauce, this is brilliant. Brilliant, brilliant, fucking brilliant. Brilliant.
Seriously. Brilliant.
Me speechless. And soiling pants from the yocks. And the Fruit of the Looms were new, too. Thanks.
Posted by: Viper Tetsu | January 15, 2009 at 09:11 PM
You are freaking HILARIOUS. That is nothing other than sheer brilliance. You have to put out a book. A big, huge, hard-cover coffee-table book. Everyone would buy it. I'm serious. You'd make a mint.
Posted by: Bionic Squirrel | January 15, 2009 at 07:52 PM
Fantastic! I love the Food Court Reef.
Posted by: midevil | January 15, 2009 at 05:53 PM
You are hiliarious.
Posted by: adrienne | January 15, 2009 at 04:07 PM
*hyperventilating*
Those Yetchup fish look....like....NEMO!
What Mockazine said!
*Gasping*
Oh wait, it's ok.
Brit Brit never gets custody.
Yetchup fish safe.
Posted by: Vern | January 15, 2009 at 03:53 PM
I first I thought, "The Island of Dr. Morose." Then I read your entry and it is fun and happy. Just look at the bliss on the face of the Britmunk as it chews a cheeto. The Cheesburger clams so happily nestled up to the Jumbo Fries Coral--I had never understood "happy as a clam" until I saw your picture. Best of all, the ketchup packet fish--I can just see Brittney's little boys laughing with glee as they stomp on them and sqirt each other with the innards.
Posted by: Mockazine | January 15, 2009 at 02:22 PM
I love how the island is in the shape of a cheeto or is that a fried chicken tender?
Posted by: Sweet Subversion | January 15, 2009 at 12:53 PM
Pure genius. You truly are the queen of lolz and detail!
Posted by: Laura | January 15, 2009 at 12:41 PM
Brilliant. Please sell this as a print or something. You deserve the $$.
Posted by: Our Man Horn | January 15, 2009 at 11:28 AM
OMG...LOL! The reef is too hilarious. How do you imagine stuff like that??? :D
Posted by: Cris Melo | January 15, 2009 at 10:59 AM