In a recent
MTV documentary,
Britney Spears revealed her desire to escape from the glare of the paparazzi by moving to her own private island. "That would be heaven - to have my kids on an island, and a man, and nobody can get to us." Sensing that Brit
already had the island and has been keeping it a secret, we sent our reporters to remote areas of the South Pacific in order to track it down. What we found was astounding -- an unassuming island has indeed been transformed into a Britney Spears pleasure palace.
Since
The Isle of Britney is wired with sensors immediately disabling any camera for miles, we asked our cartographer to create a map we could share with our readers. As you can see, the singer has spared no expense to create her own island fantasy. State-of-the-art security surrounds a mega mansion featuring a recording studio, gym, skating rink, nightclub, and a Italian stone fountain gurgling with Red Bull. The grounds feature paved trails so Brit can indulge her kids in their favorite activity;
being pulled around in a wagon. The sun drenched white sands of
Possum Island, located near the
Sea of Frappuccino is where Britney spends most her time sunning and enjoying the nearby Taco Bell tiki hut. To make herself feel more at home when nature calls, she's installed a replica of a filthy gas station bathroom. Her bothersome father lives in a tent out near the
Strait of Y'all.
Britney's island contains species not found anywhere else on the Earth. It appears Britney commissioned highly trained genetic biologists to create specialized flora and fauna to suit her demanding needs. Seen above is a branch from the curious
Southern Cheeto Tree, found in the vast
Cheeto Orchard surrounding her home. Anytime Brit craves a cheeto, she simply reaches up and picks a fresh one off the heavy branches. Specialized
Britmunks live in the trees and enjoy nibbling the cheetos that happen to fall on the ground before Brit can pick them. They keep the grove very clean and neat.
The most amazing spectacle on the
Isle of Britney is the
Food Court Reef. It's no wonder Britney has taken up deep sea diving - the reef is brimming with her favored food sources such as the delicious spicy
Taco Trout, juicy
Cheeseburger Clams, and most astounding, the
Jumbo Fries Coral featuring schools of cute little
Ketchup Packet Fish especially adapted to live among the stalks of golden fried goodness.
Medium: ink, acrylic, photo collage. Much thanks to Candy for the gas station bathroom idea.
