The Torpion is a much feared creature of the Tiresome Diva species. It may be observed crawling about the streets of Beverly Hills and is occasionally spotted in New York during Fashion Week. Often dressed in showy frocks of silk, it can best be identified by its bulging eyes and inexplicable hardened globes sprouting from its bony chest plate. Yet despite such obvious identifying features, it often goes unrecognized - which sends it into a predictable fury. Do not attempt to block the Torpion's access to backstage VIP events for it will surely fly into a rage and begin yelping as it attacks with its large claws. Medium: ink on paper, digital color. Much thanks to Stephanie for sending me the delightful Daily Mail link.
Could've made the nose even a tiny bit longer, but you captured the essence of this creature!
Posted by: Bambi | August 15, 2009 at 08:27 PM
She is her father's daughter.
Posted by: Wendy | March 12, 2009 at 02:12 AM
You are beyond awesome
Posted by: debbi | March 08, 2009 at 01:21 AM
Her weird boob job makes me shudder every time I see her. And that face ~ that face ~ gak, Bat Boy indeed! She's got big poached egg eyes like her deceased dog. The dog was way cuter though.
I absolutely LOVE the way you drew her monster teeth. Oh God that concave cleavage thing is making me retch again.
Posted by: Bionic Squirrel | March 07, 2009 at 04:44 PM
The li'l nerd in me is just about to pee his nerd knee-pants over the fact that Ultraman and an honest-to-God Ultraman monster foe make cameos. Canonization proceedings are in order.
The hell with the razor-sharp celeb-snark wit and detail. You draw muthafuckin' ASS-KICKING monsters. Period.
Posted by: Viper Tetsu | March 06, 2009 at 12:54 PM
I never cared for her but that bitchy remark about Dean'sex being older was uncalled for. Shemay be younger but looks far nastier than Mary Jo Eustace on her worst day. just imagine how fugly she will be at age 48. I am so disgusted this trash is breeding. Nasty ugly babies with shit morals, personalities.
Posted by: Psychochick | March 04, 2009 at 09:52 PM
Loved this!!!! this is when i love your site!!!! my boy freind got me a subscription to us weekly for x-mas, if you dont read that alraedy, i bet you could get lots of inspiration from that rag!!!
Posted by: granny panties | March 04, 2009 at 04:56 PM
Brilliant, now please do something w/ her leach of husband. What a gimp!
Posted by: bacchus | March 04, 2009 at 01:15 PM
Someone gave me a link to your site. Really like your drawings. V. funny (even when I don't know who some of them are - I must get out more!)
best of luck,
Andy Johnson
Posted by: Andy Johnson | March 03, 2009 at 02:15 AM
I agree. As shocking as it might seem, she's less attractive in photos than in this fab illustration.
Posted by: Lily | March 02, 2009 at 11:26 PM
The only thing I ever like her in was the House of Oh. I am sick of her huge face.
Posted by: Sweet Subversion | March 02, 2009 at 06:19 PM
I agree with Vern, this portrayal has made her beautiful in comparison to herself.
Posted by: midevil | March 02, 2009 at 04:49 PM
Yea this bitch is fugly.
Posted by: Psychochick | March 02, 2009 at 04:41 PM
I hate to say this, but that Siriano dress she was wearing was just not fierce. Although she does look tranny. Only complaint about your illustration is that her boobs look too normal. In real life, they are not that symmetrical. They're even more lumpy and lopsided.
Oh, and I've heard rumor that for many years now a family of mexican immigrants have been safely hiding from the INS in her cleavage. Truth is stranger than fiction, people!
Posted by: Lynnster | March 02, 2009 at 03:46 PM
I'm laughing and cringing at the same time. She has always annoyed the hell out of me, now I know why, she's a human/scorpion hybrid! Nicely done, 14!
Posted by: Erik | March 02, 2009 at 02:49 PM
Um, I am of course referring to the original "bat boy" from "the weakly world news", not the cat or anyone's husband.
Carry on.
Posted by: Vern | March 02, 2009 at 02:47 PM
Yikes!!! Scary Torpion! No one is safe in Beverly Hills. Run for your lives!
Posted by: Lance Von trachtenberg | March 02, 2009 at 12:06 PM
I'm amazed how you can capture the "Bat boy" essence of her face while still making her more attractive than she really is.
Every detail is rendered perfectly: from her mis-shapen cleavage, breasts and shoulders to the 70's flip of her hair!
I hope the little guy in the tank wins cause I am scared!
Posted by: Vern | March 02, 2009 at 10:13 AM
SWEET! Thanks for making my request come true. Illustrative talent + Observational snark / the square root of celebritards to the nth power = 14!!! You make magic happen :-)
Posted by: Red | March 02, 2009 at 10:08 AM