Paula Deen's Empire of Butter

I was a bit bleary-eyed when I walked past the newsstand on New Years Day and spotted a Paula Deen magazine. Not yet awake and my mind still fuzzy, my eyeballs were hijacked by what appears to be a human marshmallow with a blinding smile displaying a tray of gooey chocolate desserts. Nuts, whipped cream, and peanut butter were swirled together with chocolate sauce - and because that's still not enough sugary sweetness, a nutter butter cookie was shoved in for good measure. Ms. Deen holds one of the desserts up to her head. They are practically the same size. I glanced at the magazine title: Quick and Easy, but in my delicate state I read it as "QUEASY".  

After the trauma passed, I decided to learn more about Paula Deen.  Are you hungry? Go to her website and find such delightful recipes as Deep Fried Lasagna, Gooey Butter Cake, or burgers served on a Krispy Kreme donut. But that's not all, Paula Deen has built an empire! Not only can you purchase Paula Deen cookware, spices, condiments, and pork shanks, she's gone all Ed Hardy on us with crystal-bedecked key chains, reading glasses, and checkbook covers, with more shiny trinkets sure to follow.  Paula isn't worried about her health and doesn't believe in exercise (it KEELS y'all, and makes you drop over DAY-ed), but watch here as she lifts a dumb bell for the first time in her life and slobbers over her "hot young trainer". Uncomfortable. Medium: Acrylic and gouache on paper, digital text.

Comments

[ASterling]

LOL! I'm so glad you did her! Paula drinks buttterrrrrrrr.

[Chris]

Just clicked over to Paula's website and guess what?? Apparently it's Bacon Week! LOL :)

[Kipling]

Lord I love food porn...you do it so well!

[wolverbunny69]

DUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE! I LOVE HER !!!!! She idn't affraid to cook or eat...I'm tired of all these health conscious types and portion controlers. She knows REAL SOUTHERN COOKIN!!!!Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...butta is betta,ya'll...

[Bucket Trucks for Sale]

I didn't quite believe the burgers served on a Krispy Kreme donut, so I had to check it out for myself. Oh my gosh! I'm not a health fanatic, but that's really is absurd!!!

[sweet subversion]

I read that Paula Deen suffered from agoraphobia or something like that. Her husband left her and the only way she could earn a living was to start cooking ... don't quote me on this.

This reminds me of a parody they did of her on the Big Gay Sketch Show. I practically peed on myself. Who the fuck would mix a Krispy cream Donut and hamburgers ....?

I am kind of glad that she became successful.

Deep fried Twinkies, dear Gawd ........

[Teddy Ostrow]

She wouldn't bother me much if she didn't shill for Smithfield, which treats its employees like absolute crap--y'all!!!!

[trick please]

Awesome! And I agree that no one should make Paula's recipes daily.

But I still love her. Her pecan pie recipe is great- but should be enjoyed responsibly

[John Smith (my real name, I promise!!)]

Paula's from my town of Albany, Georgia. She has established her empire in Savannah, where the closed society of Georgian blue-bloods live. She has a beautiful home on the river and is obviously successful. But, I suspect that she is not totally accepted by the elite. I used to like her when she first showed up on the Food Network. I could tell that she is not a gourmet chef, but she knows food and southern culture. She seemed to be pleasant and a good ambassador for us. But, she has quickly turned into a shrill and shallow huckster. I guess that it may be essential to reach the success that she has, but I feel like she sold her beautiful southern soul for it.

[midi]

A heart attack never looked so purdy!

[Emma]

I could not believe it, if you munched your way through half of her calorie loaded recipies you would probably have a coronary!

[Laura @ Hungry and Frozen]

Heavens. I thought you'd made up those links to her website. That butter cake actually includes a packaged cake mix in its ingredients - is it still even able to be called a recipe? I don't know if I'm biased because I love Nigella Lawson so much but Paula Deen has never appealed to me...she seems nice enough but her 'recipes' seem kind of appalling. Love the picture, I think it's the hair but she almost looks like Elaine Paige!

[Doodle Whore]

Well butter my ass and call me a biscuit! You nailed it.

[CASSANDRA]

Well that just dills my pickle! Slap my head and call me silly!

Beware y'all,
she's a 'Ferengi' disguised as a 'Capitalist PIG'

"The Bigger the Smile, the Sharper the Knife"
- the 48th rule of acquisition

The Rules of Acquisition, in the fictional Star Trek universe, are a set of guidelines intended to ensure the profitability of businesses owned by the ultra-capitalist alien race known as Ferengi.

[Glenn Maguire]

If Elvis lives,she's surely his kinda chef. I had read that she was agoraphobic; and thusly deathly afraid of being in public, but after watching her disgusting, salacious performance with the trainer, I think that we should be the ones who are afraid. Can that discordant squak be for real? Lord have mercy. Kudos to you 14 for yet another right-on skewering of perhaps the most disingenuous cook,(read Kook), on or off the box.

[jerms]

She has a pink "Hey Y'all" watch.

SHE HAS A PINK "HEY Y'ALL" WATCH!!

And it's sold out.

Surely this is a sign of the End Timez.

[Becca]

On one hand, I AGREE with you about that flaky granny (I tend to look the other way when I come across her brightly beaming baby-doll face and its shock of overbleached hair on books at my supermarket) and her weird recipes (is that doughnut burger FOR REAL?!!!)

On other hand, your idea of a gourmet meal is probably a leaf of romaine lettuce with a slice of lemon artfully arranged on it. (Most of us like junk food and sugary treats now and then, of course.)

Good to see you drawing again...now how about this little Tiger Wood scandal?:)

[lunamor]

Peanut butter BARFaits? uaaaauaauh!

[14]

Thanks Y'all!

Jim- I had thought of making her head into a ham, but changed my mind last minute. Bad move on my end.

My favorite/scariest part of the "workout" video is when Paula eyeballs her trainer's firm young arse, whispers lasciviously "look at his butt", and then belts out an ear shattering witch's cackle.

xoxo
14

[Shannon]

You are DA BOMB!!

[Vern]

HA Yall!
So eempressed yall brain natoorally went with 'Queasy', way maw ellagant than 'Greasy' tho' both aaplah.

PS: Viper you minx! Yall used one of my latest favorite words! OLEAGINOUS!

look it up people its delicious!

[Viper Tetsu]

oleaginous
crystal-eyed chipmunk pulls at
and makes my gut lurch

Every hideous thing I done et for the last ten holidays is being filtered through the prisms of them glassy eyes.

BRILL, Baby. AND Chilling to the core.

[Erik]

She's always made me a little queasy which comes through perfectly!

[MJed Lance Von T.]

While watching the P Deen "workout" vid, I was reminded of when an animal trainer appears on a late night talkshow with his menagerie of wild and dangerous animals (tigers, snakes, lizards) and, more specifically, the wild eyed looks the animal gets on it's face when it realizes that its in a very unfamiliar and potentially dangerous situation and the "fight or flight" instinct is about to kick in. The workout trainer has that same look on his face throughout the entire clip. The gooey peanuty thing sounds kinda' tasty, though. Great to have you back, 14!

[Jim]

Here's a clip of the queen of cholesterol being hit in the face by a flying ham while serving as spokesperson for Smithfield Hams: http://www.cbsatlanta.com/news/21699504/detail.html#

Karma, ain't it a bitch?

[Knox Bronson]

i needed a laugh. can hardly type, cuz mac is resting on my tummy and i am still laughing.

[The Mave]

Excellently Portrayed Most Spectacularly!,.. (and I know this to be so without even having a clue as to who this person depicted actually be! But, I know it to be so, anyway!).

"Happy New Year/Decade", & "Welcome Back Your Wonderfulness!!!"

[Red]

As big ad her head huh? Is that counting the hair as well?
I think this southern fried conglomerate lending some ya-ya sparkle ala Ed Hardy is a revival of 'The Icing' ( remember that store?) Brilliantly portrayed 14!!