Gallery of the Absurd

Lindsay Lohan's "Golden Charms of Crime" Necklace

To commemorate Lindsay Lohan's latest criminal charge, Tabloid Treasures Jewelers, in association with Kamofie & Company, a publicity-hungry Venice jewelry store, is proud to present this lovely Golden Charms of Crime collectible necklace. Crafted from gold-toned metal and coated with tarnished sheen, each charm represents some of Lindsay's most notable crimes, even the ones she denies. Don't worry, there's plenty of room on the necklace to attach additional charms in the likelihood she continues her daring crime sprees in the future. Sparkling factory-created genuine diamonds add dazzling allure...and at the price of only $19.95, this necklace is a steal. Medium: graphite on paper, digital paint.

The Kardashian Fame Beast is Set To Take Over The World

Even if you try, you cannot escape the unrelenting bombardment of the Kardashian beast across all media. You attempt to ignore them, but they'll eventually seep into any open crack available and find their way into your awareness.  This ubiquitous and alluring beast can pop up anywhere from ill-fated credit cards, diet pill scams, perfume, clothing and even kitchen appliances.  I made that last one up, but you just wait - it'll happen. In the same spirit as natural history artists sketching the mythical beasts of exotic new lands as described by early explorers, I attempt to illustrate it.

At first, there was just one.  Its name is Kim and it became famous due to its abundant hindquarters and also for a starring role in a "leaked" sex tape. Soon it went on TV talk shows and appeared in magazines to discuss its shame over the sex tape, but it realized its sexy image could be turned into a Kash Kow^(TM) so it posed nude for calendars and magazines and then later cried in shame over them.  Predictably, it was offered multiple mind numbing reality shows and two other sisters, Kourtney and Khloe were unveiled. 

Photos posted across the internet showed the beast had somehow melded together into a Kardashian Khimera Konglomerate. The one with the butt usually stands to the left, the giant insecure one, often referred to as "Sasquatch" and in constant battle with the tabloid press over claims of pregnancy, towers in the middle, and the tiny one with a kid stands to the right. This terrifying Kardashian Khimera continues to expand exponentially. Two more K sisters have recently been paraded into the spotlight and they too have a unquenchable thirst for fame. Many rumors abound over its ability to simply lay eggs, each one engraved with a K, so to continue its quest for world domination.  Oh yeah, I almost forget...

There is the occasional appearance of a male figure on the reality show and though he makes weak attempts to keep his underaged daughters from writhing around stripper poles and working as bartenders, he's often ignored as though he's a bump on a log. His name is Bruce Jenner and he wears his hair styled so it appears to be blowing in the wind as though he's still racing around the track even though he's standing still.  He's had multiple cosmetic surgery procedures which have given him a taut, yet melty appearance. It's very puzzling.  Medium: graphite on paper, digital color. Original sketches may be viewed here. Original Kardashian Khimera available for purchase. Act fast if you want to buy it. Just kidding, there's no rush.