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Who am i?


I am 30 years old and act like a vain and self-obsessed 13-year old. My dream was always to become a princess, but I became an anal porn star but I still think I am a princess. My body is full of plastic surgery. My boobs, azz, lips, teeth, cheeks, nose, facelift etc. are all bought and paid for, courtesy of a plastic surgeon. The reason why my hair is beautiful is because its fake. I was also jealous of Paris Hilton and put out a SEX TAPE because she did. I idolized Paris Hilton. I used to hang on her like a koala bear all the time, to get my picture taken by the paparazzi. Until 2007 I did cocaine. I know there are pictures as proof, but I will deny it forever.

My pimp mother, Kris, fvcked the pool boy while my father, Robert Kardashian, was at work. He was one of the lawyers that helped keep OJ Simpson out of jail after he killed Ron Goldman and his ex-wife Nicole. Anyway, the result was my pathetic half gorilla sister Khloe, who is a whore just like me. Whenever my mouth is moving I am lying, as I am INCAPABLE of telling the truth about anything. I pretend that if I lie about things people will eventually believe it. The way I walk, talk, and laugh is fake; and if you look into my eyes you can even see that my soul is fake. I have no personality at all!

Although I pretended to be upset by the sex tape, I was the one that sent it to Vivid Entertainment, and they paid me $5 million to expose my nasty self. Ray J had nothing to do with the leaked sex tape. I tricked him into making a porn film with me for distribution. My former publicist, Jonathan Jaxson, knows what happened! I am just waiting for him, and many more, to come out and reveal how I really am.
I exploit my FAKE body all of the time because I lack intelligence, class, dignity, self-respect, elegance, and morals. I really am a very dirty woman.

My ex husband Damon Thomas whom I married at the age of 19 in Las Vegas publicly called me: untalented, a trashy whore, desperate, a plastic surgery addict, a backstabber (to my family), and a cheater. I have no real friends because I have misused and stepped on everybody that has come my way for fame. I am currently using social medias to snake my way in to other celebrity’s lives for friendship and publicity. I show up like a diva to all kind of award shows that I have NO business at all to attend. The only award show I should attend is the AVN. I call the paparazzi myself. I learned that trick from Paris Hilton, but I’m too cheap to buy their lunch like she does.

I have NO talent what so ever. I was thrown off Dancing with the Stars on the second week. I made a work out video that clearly shows I have never worked out in my life. I did a test shoot for Playboy, but after seeing the proofs they refuse to acknowledge me. I got a Razzie for my horrendous performance in the parody Disaster Movie. I should have gotten one for my sextape as well. My song JAM, I have no words for. It is the most annoying and pitiful song in history. I sing like an unmusical, tone deaf, four year old who wants a cookie from Grandma. Anybody who don’t like me for the rotten and lying whore that I am I call haters or jealous!

We, the Kardashians, call each other dolls, and I alone have tainted the pussycat dolls by heisting their concept. I pretend that I care about others, but I could not care less. I only care about myself. I tried to fvck over children by selling them an insane debit Master Card with predatory fees. It was unfortunately taken off the market after 1 week under threat of legal action from several states. Thankfully I found a new way to rip off the kids with glam silly bandz. Over weight children should skip normal diet & exercise and do shady diet pills or lipo-suction like me.

I Stole $120k from Ray J and Brandy’s mother, Sonja Norwood, credit card. After being busted I paid her back with the money I got from the sex tape I made with her son. That’s the circle life, Mrs. Norwood. The clothes at Dash are pure knock offs from top brands and designers. I don’t even know how to sew on a button or sketch anything. But I call myself a fashion designer. The logo on my perfumes is a complete rip of from Korcula creator Lindley Bertin.

For World AIDS Day I went off social medias until my fans had raised $1M.
I was confident that within 12 hours I would be back. Seven days later I had to be bailed out by a billionaire who wanted to spare me shame. This is how much my «fans» value and missed me.

I have never been single because I am to scared to spend time with myself. I am looking very much forward to the day my grand children sits on my lap and ask me if I am an anal porn star because that’s what everybody in kindergarten will say.
I also love to flaunt my gigantic fake hippo azz. It’s my calling card for any rich Black man that wants to ram my azz hard and move on! Evan Ross, Marquis Houston, Scott Storch, Fabolous, The Game, Nick Cannon, Nick Lachey, Tyson Beckford, William ‘Ray J’ Norwood, Reggie Bush, Christiano, Chengo (The Bodyguard is one of my favorite movies ever) Miles Austin, Gabriel Aubry (only because everybody said I was only into black guys) Kanye West, and soon Kris Humpries; are just a FEW of the men that have ALL fvcked, pissed in my mouth, AND dumped me. They know that I am trash and that brings their reputations down to the gutter with mine. I will fvck anyone for publicity. I have had many STDs, but the only one I have now is herpes (got that from Paris too). I am pathetic, plastic, and terribly insecure.

I am a national and international joke, and gave out my own ANAL/PISS SEX TAPE to get famous. I am a human toilet. I am clearly a very sick human being and I’m 100% shameless. I am the filthiest famewhore in the whole wide world!

I am Kim Kardashian… Superstar

The Mave

Once again, Pure Wonderful Funny Artistic Greatness!!! ( Kim's breasts-tis-sis & The Hairy-She-Beast are worth the price alone)!

sweet subversion

I checked out that men who look like old lesbians site and laughed - then I kinda got grossed out.

I can't believe Tom Petty looks like an old lezzie. Is this what I have to look forward to when I age. One of my sisters (she has no clue I am family) looks like all of these men.


Thanks 'squirrel' of the bionic kind.

Your basic info prompted me to do more searches on this matter, but i quickly gave up due to these scary sub-heads:

- Web Grabber
- Custom Web Crawler
- Data Ripper
- Site Scraper ..... too much information!

This is one of the most horrifying things to ever arouse me.

Bionic Squirrel

FJL ~ 14 wouldn't have control over what advertisements appear on the site. The way it usually works is that the ad company has a "crawler" or web-bot which scans the information on the sites they advertise on and then a suitable (related) ad is chosen to be displayed on each site.

Fantastic work, 14 ~ I LOVE your depiction of Bruce Jenner... and the Kardashian egg cracked me up. No pun intended.


You are so talented it is scary.


Hi 14!

How do you explain this glaring contradiction and obvious conflict of interest?

The placement in the top right hand sidebar of 'shoedazzle - keep up with Kim's STYLE' advertisement, just beside your scathing Kard-ass-ian Khimera illustration?


Oh 14, this is just fab! I hate this family! One you forgot though is the worst. Their pimp, Kris. She claims to be their mother, although why anyone would admit that is beyond me. She is their "manager" and encourages them to excess. All you have to do to realize how smarmy she is, is to watch the episode with Hefner where Kim is saying she doesn't want full nudity and Kris is pressing her to change her mind and do what Hefner wants! Mother????


Where art thou Heracles, we need thee to save us from this modern day Lernaean Hydra.

In Greek mythology, the Lernaean Hydra was an ancient nameless serpent-like chthonic water beast that possessed many heads.The poets mention more heads than the vase-painters could paint and for each head cut off it grew two more — and poisonous breath so virulent even her tracks were deadly.


I've come up with a list of Kartrashian business ideas. I really hate them. My hate runs far and wide. Seacrusty must pay.

Good job on Khloe's face, man is that scary.


Jenner looks confused - maybe it's his defense mechanism when the K sisters go in for the kill?

Man, I avoid all media coverage of them. As soon as I see a pic that even remotely resembles them, I click somewhere else-well, except for your artwork, 14! Brilliant as always!


Seacrust may be a frog, but he's a spritely frog!


Hahahahaha! I thought I was the only one who referred to the big one in the middle (sorry, can't/won't remember her name) as "Sasquatch"!

And usually? I think all babies are cute--especially if they look like Winston Churchill. But Mason? Well, all I can say is I hope he grows into his looks and resembles Grandpa Robert someday...

Giggle. Your art is so snarkily fabulous, 14!


Well my dear Matt, that's why I rely on commenters like you to keep me in the loop. I don't pay the kind of attention to all this celebrity trash as I used to, but now you've made me realize I need to take on Ryan Seacrest. He DOES look a lot like a frog....hmmm...

Thanks for reading my blog!



Yeah it's a well documented fact that Bruce looks like an old lesbian so much that he's often mistaken for one by people who just look at pictures of his face.

Also I hate the Kardashians them and their stupid pimp Ryan Seacrest. Seriously I dunno how you forgot to mention the fact that they'd have never gotten their terrible series if not for that sorry bastard. I used to listen to his radio station and he never shut the fuck up about them. It was so annoying.


You mean 'Ms. Jenner'. He's the perfect candidate for men who look like old lesbians.


You nailed it 14, as usual. I don't begrudge them their fame, I bemoan a culture that enables it. Thanks for making our shame snarky fun!


You were FAR too kind to Mr. Jenner.


Kareful, the Khimera will kome and get you for kasting such aspersions against their kharacters!

Bruce Jenner used to be a national hero, now he'll be remembered as the idiot dad figure to these moronic trollops.


They're pretty, yup, but no one knows why they're famous. Good for them though, eh?



They are pretty but what do they do, exactly? I don't really understand why they're famous.


AAAAAAAHHHAH!!! Despite the horror of this Fame Besat, it looks like Jenner is....smiling?

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