The Strange Habits of the Madonna Chipmunk Exposed

The Madonna Chipmunk is a fame-seeking, scrawny little rodent that annoys most anyone who comes in contact with her. Her range of habitat is vast, worldwide and relentless. The Madonna Chipmunk is easily spotted wherever opportunies arise for her to promote herself. Really, it is difficult to avoid spotting her...unless you live in a cave. 

Her predatory habits include stalking and pouncing on much younger men, especially sexy Latinos.  A cunning evolutionary trait developed to satisfy the creature's desperate need for attention, she knows all cameras will be on her each time she nibbles the tender young meat of her victims. She also enjoys stuffing her cheeks full of Restylane Berries because she believes they give her a youthful appearance, but they are indeed what causes her to resemble a chipmunk.

She may be identified by her distinct chirp, a smug yapping tinged with an abrasive fake British accent that spews egotisical proclamations each time she opens her mouth.  Her mortal enemy is Elton John and both are often spotted viciously chirping at each other in the public arena. If you're looking to deter the Madonna Chipmunk from entering your garden, simply plant a smattering of hydrangeas on your property (she absolutely loathes them), play certain Lady Gaga songs over a loudspeaker, or leave a copy of the Daily Mail laying around. Medium: graphite on paper, digital paint)

Comments

[sweet subversion]

I'm telling you guys ... I am going to be in a nursing home sitting on a bed pan ... Madonna, who is ten years my senior, will be on the tube in front of me. By that time aliens will have come to the planet, and Madonna will hump one during her "acts". That is what will kill me. That will cause me to keel over off of the bed pan and hit the floor to take a dirt nap. We'll just assume that I had not taken a shit. Dignity, ya know? Dignity is dying with an empty bed pan in a nursing home after madonna gives you a cardiac arrest. Hopefully, my last words will be, "dear god, make the bitch stop!".

[jcatul]

great post!!
bad habits madonna

[Jennifer]

LUV your Madonna chipmunk. She truly is a terrifying creature. Someone needs to warn all the young, hot Latino men before they all get devoured.

[celebrity blogger]

Bahaha can't get over to this article and also to the comments too.

[El B]

Too good. Restylane berries! Chomp chomp chomp.

[midi]

Ah ha! So now I understand why she has those cheeks.

[Rocky]

I have a friend who is obsessed with her and I never told him but I can't stand Madonna. I always have to put up with him gushing about her when I personally think she stopped being relevant after the mid 90s. I will admit her Super Bowl halftime thing was actually kinda fun to watch, despite being devoted to her ego, I guess that's why everyone seemed quick to say that MIA stole her thunder.

[Rawr]

fantastic!

[JoJo]

Fantastic! Madonna's gap-tooth as chipmunk buck teeth <-- perfect! Brilliant work as always. I also appreciate your link to Vigilant Citizen. Could you be any cooler? Doubtful.

[Neroli]

14 You should get some sort of artistic medal of honor for your noble work. Thank you for your talent and putting things exactly like we think them.

[FJL]

Packing your usual punch 14!

Perceptive, perverse, pedantic, primal and poisonous.

A palatable, pitiable, pitiless, pagan 'Pietà,' a patchy pastiche, befitting our time.

[Vern]

You say Lanugo,
and I say Lumbago,
You say Hydrangea,
and I say Hyena,
Lanugo, Lumbago
Hydrangea, Hyena
Let's call the whole thing old....

[Shannon]

OMG - its wearing fishnets!!!

[Morris]

Bahaha! Got her in one! Well done..

[The Mave]

Puffy Chipmunk cheeks,... check.
Young Restylane Berries,... check.
Hunky younger Latino eats,.. check.
Corseted fishnets,...... check.
Stanky, Pretentious Attitude, check.

Total Artistic Hilarity ,,, "Double Check!!!"