Toilet Paper Canonized Due to Exceptional Holiness

BREAKING NEWS - It has been announced that the Blessed toilet paper has been canonized into a Holy Saint due to it's mysterious disappearance after followers began hoarding it as a protective device during a worldwide pandemic. Father Snarky of the Holy Church of the Absurd confirmed the canonization due to the soft, absorbent tissue's ability to "provide miraculous powers, devotion and influence on it's users while touching their inner lives, but not their butts."