Gallery of the Absurd

The Graceful Flight of Paula Abdul

Last week I was asked to participate in the Film Experience Blog's Action Heroine Blog-a-Thon. My entry is a week late, but better late than never. Since I'm a fan of Chinese martial arts films, I chose Ziyi Zhang as my action heroine, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon as my film and then substituted Paula Abdul as my star. The wuxia genre of Chinese cinema typically features beautifully choreographed fighting scenes in which the heroes fly through treetops and over roofs as if they possess magical powers. Bold color and stunning scenery add poetic spectacle to the heart-pounding action. When I read about Paula Abdul breaking her nose after tripping over her chihuahua, I imagined her flying magically through the sky while wearing one of her strange ruffled frocks. Luckily for Paula, she thought she was going on a slow motion magic carpet ride with the fairies and had no idea she had even hurt herself until hours later. Oh that crazy Paula..I just love her. Medium: Ink on paper, digital color.

Rocky Balboa in Twenty Years

Rocky Balboa is the neverending story of the underdog prize fighter who always manages to win. In the sixth installment of the series, the 60 year old Sylvester Stallone shows he's still got what it takes despite the fact he's often compared to looking like his mother or poked fun of in a newspaper headline calling him "...more stocky than Rocky". Rocky Balboa has received favorable reviews from the Hollywood Reporter and Variety, but it's going to be nothing compared to the future greatness of Rocky 7: Nursing Home Rumble. Slated for release on December 20, 2026, Stallone will once again prove that he can still throw a bloody punch. Watch with unabashed glee as the 80-year old Rocky pummels his geriatric neighbors Arnold Shwarzenegger and Steven Seagal. Medium: Acrylic and charcol on paper with wine spilled on it. Much thanks to clever Kipling for the brainstorm.

We predict Sylvester Stallone will continue to sport his current pointy black eyebrows and poorly-fitted jet black toupee well into his eighties. If he's not careful, he'll also destroy his charming hangdog expression with gallons of botox resulting in an epic battle between droopy and puffy. This could be the subject of Rocky 8: Gravity vs. Excessive Cosmetic Surgery.

Interview With The Antoinette

It's always fun to replace a slick promotional photo of an actor/entertainer with the occasional unfortunate paparazzi photo. In the treacherous territory of celebrity gossip blogs, much ado has been made over Kirsten Dunst's odd little "vampire bat teeth". Ms. Dunst feels her imperfect teeth are "sexy" and refuses to tread the well-worn path toward the Hollywood standard of perfection. We can't help but applaud her for taking such a daring risk. Still, those teeth make for an opportunity we couldn't refuse to pass up: blending Sofia Coppola's Marie Antoinette with a little bit of Interview With The Vampire. Medium: Acrylic on board, Illustrator. Post title suggested by Kipling West.